Post 750 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 21st August, 2011.
Hello Everyone ~~ I hope the world is being kind to you and that life is good.
Mine is going along OK and I was happy to have a lovely grand-daughter for
part of the weekend. She traveled 3 hours from Geelong on Friday afternoon
and then left after lunch on Saturday to go to work at 5 o'clock. It is a wonder
I don't scare her off. She asked if she could open the gates and get the paper.
I said "That would be great Kristen, don't forget to take the trolley." Meaning
my walking frame which of course she didn't need.!!!
Then I was talking to her mother the other day and I knew we were to have
a day of 20 C , then 21 C, so I told Kathy then we would have 22, 23, 24,
and 25, Only thing is I was looking at the dates on the chart. Maybe Granny
amuses Kristen. So far I haven't done anything worse, so that is good.
I even sat in the sun for a while today as it was warmer than inside.
First item came from a dear friend of very long standing, Barbara.
It is called "Girls in my Circle." Thanks Barbara.
When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
You will see best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your Mum,
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children
and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke or just be.
One friend will say, "Let's cry together."
Another, "Let's fight together."
Another, "Let's walk away together."
One friend will meet your spiritual need.
Another, your shoe fetish,
Another your love of movies.
Another will be with you in your season of confusion.
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or whatever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and
hair pulled back
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself,
These are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman. but for many,
it's wrapped up in several.
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from collage years.
A couple from old jobs.
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbour
On others your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.
So whether they have been a friend for 20 minutes or 20+ years, pass this
on to the women that have been placed in your life to make a difference.
Thanks to you all being in my circle.
Now to find a few jokes.
One from the Newspaper.
A new monk arrives at the monastery and is assigned to help the other
monks in copying the old texts by hand.
He notices that they are copying copies, not the original books. He mentions
to the head monk that, if there's an error in the first copy, then that error
will be continued to all other copies.
The head monk thinks this is a valid observation, so he goes down into the
cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours later, the monks hear sobbing coming from the cellar. They find the
old monk leaning over one of the original books crying.
"What's wrong?" one asks.
The old monk sobs, "The word is 'celebrate' ."
Secrets of a Long Happy Marriage.
An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio
with her husband and she says, " I love you so much. I don't know how
I could ever live without you."
Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me . . . talking to the wine."
One from my friend Robyn in Queensland called "Plane Crash" in Rural
Australia. Thanks Robyn.
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Australia.
Panic stricken, the local police inspector mobilized and descended
on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally
destroyed with only a burnt hull left smouldering in a tree line that
bordered the farm.
The inspector and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no
remains of anyone. They spotted a farmer plowing a field not too far away
as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.
"John" the inspector yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this
terrible accident happen?"
"Yep, Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's
"Do you realize that is the Prime Ministers RAAF 737, the aeroplane of
the Prime Minister of Australia?"
"Yep." "Were there any survivors?"
"Nope. They all got killed straight out," the farmer answered. "I buried
them all myself. Took me most of the morning."
"Gillard is dead?" the inspector asked.
"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "She kept saying she
wasn't... but you know what a lying bitch she is....."
My cousin Bill sent me the next one -- The $15 truck." Thanks Bill.
A sixteen year old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche
and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?"
"I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
"Well," said the boy, this one cost me just fifteen dollars. So the parents
began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for $15?"
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name -
they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars?"
"Oh, my goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.
Who knows what she will do next? John you go right up there and see
what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house
where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a
new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know
why she did it.
"Well," she said, this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
(I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he
had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend
to come back),
He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his
new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money.
"So I did."
One from my cousin Karyn from New Zealand called "The Other Cubicle."
Travelling down the coast road, I needed to use the toilet. I stopped at
a rest area, headed for the toilet, went into the cubicle and this is what
"Hi, how are you?"
Now I;m not the type to start a conversation in a toilet and I don't know what
got into me . . but I answered.. "Doing just fine." then the other person said
"So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that, I;m thinking ... this is too bizarre,,so I said:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling."
At this point I was just trying to get out as fast as I could when I heard
another question ....
"Can I come over?"
OK, this question was just too weird for me but I figured I would just be
polite and end the conversation . . . so I said:
"No, I'm just a little busy right now !!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously , , ,
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other cubicle who
keeps answering all my questions."
Mobile phones, don't you just love them? (Cell phones)
My good friend Patricia sent this one. Thanks Patty.
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be
THE Man of the House."
Finding new courage that he never knew he had, he stormed into the
kitchen and announced to his wife - - - -
"From now on, you need to know that I am the Man of the House
and my word is LAW.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, bring it to me, and when I am
done eating my meal, you will clear the dishes and serve me a scrumptious
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will make love the
way I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will put on
soothing music, wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
You will massage my feet and hands to relieve any last bit of tension so I can
sleep like a baby.
Then tomorrow, guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair>?
The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess, unless
I have your dumb a*s cremated.
The man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers to be
delivered to his wife. When asked what he wanted on the card, he replied
that no card was necessary as she'd know who they came from.
Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received a phone call
from the wife asking who sent the flowers.
The florist told her that the sender requested no card be included.
"Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers BEFORE my
husband comes home for lunch.
Enough for this post my friends, Keep well and happy and find some fun
in every day. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 750 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 21st August, 2011.