Post 748 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 8th August, 2011.
Hello My Friends ~~ It has been a strange weekend here and has been
pouring rain all weekend. I have double gates out the front of my house
but when it was this wet, I only opened one of them. Less to close at
night because of the weather, I reckoned that no one in their right mind
would be out in the rain. WRONG. Yesterday, my cousins from Tallarook
paid me a visit which we enjoyed.
Then today (Sunday night) more visitors, when I was sure no one in their
right mind would be out in weather like this. My granddaughter Michelle
and her fiancee Ryan called in briefly to see me. I wasn't even dressed as
I was playing computers instead. Another very nice surprise. We had some
lovely days last week and it is a shame when weekends are wet when
people like to play sport or go to watch it. The rain was needed though.
I hope things are going well for you all and life is good my friends. I am just
getting a start on this post for tomorrow. Haven't felt up to it today.
So Bye until tomorrow.
Cold again, with more showers. My son John is home after a long ride to the
border of Western Australia and South Australia. A long ride and lots of rain.
Now to find some stories and jokes - First is a Mountain Wings Item called
"Wings over the Mountains of Life."
I heard this recited at a recent funeral.
Three caskets, two full sized and one tiny one, lined the front of the church.
A grandmother and grandfather in their early fifties and a two year old
grandson, all lay in stately repose. All died in a house fire.
It was the most tragic thing I had ever been involved in.
Amidst the much weeping and wailing by their seven children, this stood out
as a truth in the middle of tragedy.
On The Wings of Prayer.
Just close your eyes and open your heart,
And feel your worries and cares depart/
Just yield yourself to the Father above,
And let Him hold you secure in His love.
For life on earth grows more involved,
With endless problems that can't be solved.
But God only asks us to do our best,
Then He will take over and do the rest.
So when you are tired, discouraged and blue,
There is always one door that is open to you.
And that is the door to the House of Prayer,
And you'll find God waiting to meet you there.
And the House of Prayer is no further away,
Than the quiet spot where you kneel to pray.
For the heart is a temple when God is there,
As we place ourselves in His loving care.
And he hears every prayer and answers each one,
when we pray in His name, Thy will be done.
The burdens that seemed too heavy to bear,
Are lifted away on the wings of a prayer.
~Helen Steiner Rice~
My blogging friend, Jim sent me some Biblical Humor. Thanks Jim.
I hope your recovery is still going well my friend.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharoah's daughter. She went down to the bank and drew out a little
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's
Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda,
because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer
lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. What servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah stood on the deck.
PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup. It's in the Bible. It says . . . 'He-brews'.
Keep Smiling - - God loves you bunches and bunches.
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.
....Faith, Hope and Love -- but the greatest of these is Love.
My fiend in Queensland, Warren sent the first joke. Thanks Mate.
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he
approached his assistant.
"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the
clinic . I want you to take care of it and all my patients."
"Yes Sir," says Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks," So
Murphy, how was your day?"
Murphy told him he took care of three patients. "The first one had a
headache, so I gave him Paracetamol."
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion, and I gave him Gaviston."
"Bravo, bravo. You're good at this and what about the third one?"
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flew open and a young
gorgeous woman bursts in. Like a bolt out of the blue, she tears off
her clothes, taking off everything, including her bra and panties, and
lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts, "HELP ME, for
the love of St. Patrick. For five years I have not seen any man."
"Good grief. Murphy, what did you do?" asked the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."
One from my friend in Canberra. Thank you Linda.
Maude and Claude, both 91, lived at the Villages, in Florida. They met
at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed
each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee,
Claude asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant
in town. Despite his age, they ended up at his place for an after dinner
drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor,
Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared,
each was lost for a time in their own thoughts . . . . .
Claude was thinking: "If I'd know she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my
My cousin David sent me some "Dr. Seuss for Older Kids." Thank you.
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today .......
The people who are starting university this fall were born in 1992.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
The CD was introduced two years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been micro-waved.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel"
or "de plane Boss, de plane."
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type?
That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P.S. Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
Lastly a joke from the newspaper.
A man goes to his doctor feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over
and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news. You have Yellow 24, a really
nasty virus because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have
24 hours to live. There is no known cure so just go home and enjoy
your final moments on Earth."
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news, Distraught, she
asks him to go to bingo that evening as he's never been there before.
They arrive at Bingo and with his first card he gets 4 numbers and wins $35.
Then with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320. Then he gets a full
house and wins $1000.
Then the National game comes up and he wins that too,getting $380.000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Son, I've been here 20 years
and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the
National game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth."
"Lucky?" he says. "Lucky? I'll have you know I have got Yellow 24."
"Strewth," says the bingo caller. You've won the raffle as well."
Well time to say Goodnight my friends. Take good care of yourselves
and each other. Enjoy something special every day. My love and best
wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 748 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 8th August, 2011.