Sunday, September 18, 2011

Bec's Surprise Visit.

Post 754 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 18th September, 2011.

Hello My Friends ~~ How re things in your part of this world of
ours? I hope your lives are going well and it is not too hot or
too cold for you and no fires or floods at present.

All is well here ~ the weather has just been so pleasant and I
have had a wonderful week with my Queensland granddaughter
Rebecca. She and her Dad, John, and I have been on a few
trips. Also they did quite a lot of gardening for me, so I have
really enjoyed having Bec here and John took a couple of days
off his annual leave to spend more time with her.

A few photos below ~ ~ ~

Rebecca, Merle, and John.

John and Bec outside in garden.



John, Bec and Merle outdoors.

Well now to find something to post ~ ~ ~
First one is a Mountain Wings oncalled "Scratches."
While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 year old son
picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many
times; not realizing he was using a wrench,
At the hospital, the child lost all of his fingers due to
multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father. . . with painful eyes, he
asked, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his
car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own
actions sitting in front of that car he looked at the
scratches; the child had written ~~ "LOVE YOU DAD."

Anger and Love have no limits; Love to have a lovely life.
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
But the problem in today's world is that,
People are often used and things are loved.

Let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used, but People are to be loved.
<><>

Thanks my Canberra friend Linda for. "Sex on Mars."
I hope no-one is offended by this joke.

The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after
accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of
things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have
laptop computers, and how they make money etc.

Finally Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you
guys do it? The Martian responds,"Pretty much the way you do.

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap..
partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen
and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian
strips...He's got only a teeny weeny member about half an
inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks. "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me."

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead
with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member
grows until it is a quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it is still too
narrow."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With
each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the
entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman..
"Wow," she exclaims, as they fell on the bed and made
mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go
their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks,
"Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was wonderful. How
about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache.. She
kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
<><>

Two from Pearly Gates. "Elderly Proposal" and Elevated Train."

There were two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home
park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity
center. These two were at the same table across from each
other. As the meal went on he made a few admiring glances
at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will
you marry me?"After about six seconds of careful consideration,
she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they
went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled
"Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember.
Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint
memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he
used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening. As he gained
a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked
you to marry me, did you say 'Yes' or 'No' ?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said Yes, yes I will.
and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I
am so glad you called, because I couldn't remember who had
asked me."
<><>

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago.. On this
particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrive
at their hotel and are shown to their room, the man says,
"You rest here while I register. I'll be back within an hour."

The wife lies down on the bed. Just then an elevated train
passes by very close to the window and shakes the room
so hard, she's thrown out of bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down
once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently.
she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front
desk and asks for the manager. He says he will be right up.
The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists
the story is true.

"Look,lie here on the bed. You'll be thrown right to the floor"
the woman says. So he lies down next to the wife. Just
then the husband walks in."What are you doing here?" he asks.

The manager replies,"Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
<><>

A few short one from my friend Patricia called "He said to me."
Thank you Patty.

He said to me.....I don't know why you wear a bra. You've got
nothing to put in it.
I said to him ......You wear pants don't you?

He said to me..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him ......That's a good idea - -you stand by the stove
and sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing.

He said to me.....What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I give you?
I said to him .... Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said to me ....Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ..... They don't have time.

He said to me ..... How many men does it take to change
a toilet roll?
I said to him.......I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me .....Why is it difficult to find men who are
sensitive, caring and good-looking?
I said to him ....... They already have boyfriends.

He said to me ..... What do you call a woman who knows
where her husband is every night.
I said to him......A widow.

He said to me .... Why are married women heavier than
single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's
in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home,
see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
<><>

Last one tonight from Mountain Wings called "Tap Tap"

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were
startled by a tap tap tapping noise coming from the misty
shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with
a hammer and chisel, chopping away at one of the head-
stones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said, after catching his
breath. "You scared us half to death. We thought you were
a ghost. What are you doing here so late at night?"

"Those fools," the old man grumbled, "They misspelled my
name."
<><>

Well time to close this post. Bec rang from Brisbane airport
so is safely home again. Take good care of yourselves and
each other my friends. Find some joy in every day.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 754 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 18th September, 2011.
<><><>



10 comments:

Granny Annie said...

You do such a good job of always taking photos of your visitors. I do wonder though who your photographer is?

It is a certain fact that men will NEVER learn to change the toilet paper roll.

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ I am thinking that you are missing having Bec with you a whole lot. A week makes a really nice visit and you two got to know each other a whole lot better for it.

WHO IS NEXT on your family visitor list? You do soooooo good in having them all. I am glad for you.

I laughed at every joke except for the first story. It reminded me of my own father/son episode when I was only three. One doesn't forget those. [Please don't mention this in when you return comment as my family members read my blog. Thank you.]

I did have to read the ghost story twice to figure out why it was funny. Then I did a lot of laughing.

We are getting a little rain today. I had forgotten what raining looked like.
Cheers,
..

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle. I'm so glad you had some time with family. That is always such a blessing.
Thanks for the jokes too. We all need some good laughs.
Take care.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm glad you had nice visit with your granddaughter, Bec.

I loved the jokes but the first story was very sad.

Take care.
Janice~

Dave said...

I love Rebecca's "Stig" shirt! *chuckle*
The Sex on Mars joke was hilarious Merle! *Smile*
I'm glad you're doing well my friend.

HORIZON said...

Lovely photos of you with Rebecca and John Merle ;) Glad you got to have a few trips out and garden help- send them over here! :)
I liked the 'he said to me' jokes- wish l could think on my feet like that!
lots of love
and take care
sarah x

Margaret Cloud said...

Glad you had a nice visit and it is so nice when you get help. People do act in harsh ways some time, too bad. Old age memory, not what it use to be. I liked Patricia list. Very good stories, enjoyed them all. Have a nice week.

Lady Di Tn said...

Glad to hear the visit with Bec was so rewarding and sounds like very productive and FUN. So often we forget to love people and not things that was very inspirational. He said was hilarious. Peace

Anonymous said...

What a nice time with John and Bec....and your photos are always so great to see. You look pretty cute Merle... Love, Joy

audrey` said...

Merle, your face glowed with so much happiness in the 2 photos. I'm so happy with you too :)