Sunday, September 11, 2011

Elephant Thorn.

Post 753 ~ ~ Sunday, 11th September, 2011.

Hello My Friends, I hope you are all doing well and are not too sad on this
very sad day. My thoughts and prayers are with all those who lost loved
ones on that fateful day, which we sincerely hope and pray will never
be repeated again. It is on all our minds today.

I chose a bright Spring scene with birds singing and telling us that the
Summer is on the way.

I love the kookaburra, and the mudlark or periwinkle and the little bird.

I got the best surprise this afternoon, when my football team won the final
they were in and live to play again next week. AND my granddaughter Bec
from Brisbane flew in and came to stay for a week. So I sure will enjoy that
and I hope she does also. What a surprise !!!

So as a result, I will type a couple of jokes and make it a brief post.

First one tonight is called "Elephant Thorn." from Pearly Gates.

A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there he comes upon an
elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man, very
carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn
from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares
at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him. The elephant then
continues on its way.

"I wonder ifI ever see that elephant again if it will remember me?" the
man muses to himself.

A few years later. and the man is at a circus back in the States. He
notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost like it
KNOWS him. The man wonders, "Could this be the elephant I helped
so long ago?" He decides to get a closer look. With the elephant still
giving him the stare-down, the man moves closer, getting right in front
of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the
elephant's face.

It reaches down....picks up the man carefully with it's trunk.....lifts him
high in the air.... and THROWS HIM CRASHING TO THE GROUND AND
STOMPS HIM TO DEATH !!

Turns out, it wasn't THAT elephant.
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One from my friend Patty, "Italian Grandma's Advice", Thank you.

A young Italian girl was going on a date.
Her Nonno said, "Sita here and leta me tella you about this younga boy."

He's gonna try ana kiss you, you are gonna like dat, but don't let him do dat.
He's gonna try and kiss your breasts, you are gonna like dat too, but don't
let him do dat either.

But mosta important, he's gonna try ana lay on topa you, you are gonna
really like dat, but don'ta let him do dat for sure.
Doing thata will disgrace our family.

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day, she told Grandma that her date went just like she had
predicted: "And Nonno, I didn't let him disgrace our family as you said.

When he tried to lay on top of me, I just rolled him over, got on top
of him, and disgraced HIS family."

Nonno fainted.


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One from my Canberra friend, Linda. "Cashing a cheque."

Julia Gillard went into a bank. As she approached the cashier she said,
"Good Morning. Could you please cash this cheque for me?"

Cashier, "It would be my pleasure Ma'am. Could you please show your ID?"

Julia: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn''t think there was
any need to. I am Prime Minister of Australia, Julia Gillard.

Cashier: "Yes I know who you are, but with the regulations, monitoring,
of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc, I must insist on
seeing your ID."

Julia: " Just ask anyone here in the bank, who I am and they will tell you.
Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry Ms Gillard but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Julia: "I am urging you please to cash this cheque."

Cashier: "Look Ms Prime Minister this is what we can do."

One day, Greg Norman came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Greg
Norman he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank
into a cup. With that shot, we knew he was Greg Norman and cashed his cheque.

Another time, Pat Cash came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet
and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that
spectacular shot, we cashed his cheque.

So, Ms Prime Minister, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only
you, as the Prime Minister of Australia?"

Julia stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says, "Honestly. there
is nothing that comes to mind. I can't think of a single qualification I'm good at."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Ms Gillard?"
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Last one tonight is also from Linda. "Payback for Women." Thank you Linda.

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas - the older they get the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders. You need one but you are not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head
straight for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department stores..Their clothes are usually 1/2 off.
8. Men are like Government Bonds..They take soooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they are coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped.
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Well enough for tonight my friends. Take care of yourselves and each
other and enjoy your lives. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 753 ~ ~ Sunday, 11th September, 2011.
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9 comments:

Lady Di Tn said...

Great jokes and I could use the bank one for our President. lol The payback for women were great. Nice to hear your team won and the wonderful week long visit from your granddaughter. Peace and Wishing you enough.

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ I am getting to think that you have the biggest family in all Australia. And they all like to visit you which is really nice. I am sure that you and Bec will have a really nice time for the week.

That elephant joke was funny sad. I am still smiling. Too bad the man couldn't remember as good as elephants do. He won't get second chance.
Cheers,
..

Granny Annie said...

Merle, once again you have proven that even during difficult times, laughter is the best medicine.

Dave said...

Nice to hear you have company Merle!

Great jokes as always too.

Could you let Peter know, when I go to his page with Google Chrome, it says there's a virus on his blog.

Thanks

HORIZON said...

You are looking forward to summer - (l like the picture of the birds)- and here we are with our first real winter storm! Last night it blew a hoolie over here- we caught the tail end of hurricane Katia.
It is hard to believe that 10 years have passed since 9/11- feels like it was just yesterday probably because moments like that are so hard to forget- you remember where you were at the time and the horror of it all.
Lots of love to you dear friend- l am so glad summer is on its way for you ;)
xx

Joy Des Jardins said...

More visitors....so happy you have so many who love you. Congratulations on your football team Merle. Stay well...and enjoy... Love, Joy

Rosezilla said...

I'm glad you had a lovely visit with your granddaughter. Yes, 9/11 is very sad. My grandfather died that day, too, although not in the disasters. I like the elephant joke, it just really hits my funny bone. I have a joke I could send you, how do i get it to you?

♥●• Izdiher·•●♥ said...

wow what a happy big family .Love reading this light post . Everything on my part is well, Fall has almost started.

Nice to meet you .

Follow each other .

audrey` said...

11th September always brings back memories of that most unfortunate day. Take care, dear friend. xox