Post 756 ~ ~ Sunday, 2nd October, 2011.
Hello Everyone ~ ~ These weeks go by so quickly, but here we are again. I hope
all is well with you all and your health is as good as possible and the weather
to your liking.
I had a very brief visit from my daughter Kathy and her two youngest girls.
They had been visiting the eldest girl with the restaurant, and I hear they
washed quite a few dishes for her, and Kathy and Jorja did some painting.
Kate and her boyfriend, Scott have just bought a house with 6 acres of land.
So Kathy took her horse up to her Storm, - not that she has much time to ride.
Her brother Joh also lives with them, so most of the family enjoyed the visit.
They wouldn't let me wash or dry a dish, but they were only here for dinner
Friday night and left after lunch on Saturday as Kristen had to work.
Kathy asked if I needed anything from the shops, or any jobs to do. I said
No to both as there wasn't time for that. Then decided I wanted a heated
foot massager as my feet are always cold, and numb. It seems to be good.
Then Kathy insisted it was my Christmas present and wouldn't let me pay.
It was lovely to see them all and they will probably be back in a couple of
months. I forgot to take photos, so found some from last year.
Three grandchildren Jorja 13, Kristen 18 and Nicholas 16. He didn't come as
someone had to stay home with Dad and help milk and I hear he has been cooking.
He made a jelly slice which was a good effort and various other things.
Kathy and her three youngest kids. Just ignore Nick as he didn't want to smile.
Last but not least, Jorja,, Kristen and Me . We are ignoring Nick cos he won' t smile.
First item tonight was sent from Mountain Wings. I hope you enjoy Flashlight.
Most parents have had some experience with kids waking up with bad dreams,
at some point or another. If not bad dreams then surely every parent has
had to deal with invisible monsters, monsters hiding in the closet or under beds.
Recently my wife and I had a bout with our oldest son waking us out of the
comfort of our warm bed to come to his room and scare of something, that
was fear itself.
It was three in the morning and even though it can be the sweetest word on
earth when you get home from work, it's not so sweet when heard at 3 am.
I came into my son's room to see what the problem was, The first time,it was
"I think I saw something."
The second time it was, I think I heard something."
The third time it was, "I'm just scared."
I had to get up early in the morning and go to work. I am a very patient man
but my sleepiness was wearing my patience down. The wee hours of the
morning had me delirious so I warned him, "If you call me one more time, I'm
going to give you something to be afraid of." Two minutes later,. . . .
I came into the room and staying true to my promise, even though it hurt my
heart to do so, I gave him a tap on the leg; after all I had to get some sleep.
Walking back to my bed like a weary victor of war. I said, "It wasn't easy, but
that took care of that." Five minutes later . . . .
I lay in my bed for a while at my wit's end on what to do. I had given up.
I knew if I went and slept in his room with him, he would want me to do it
every night, he felt fear. I lay there when in the still of the night, a light
popped on in my head. It was a literal light. I saw a picture in my head of
I immediately got out of bed, went to the hall closet and got the flashlight
out and took it to my son's room and told him, "Light has a special power to
make monsters go away. When you think you see or hear something, just
turn on the flashlight and shine it in the direction and whatever it is will
have to go away."
I went back to bed and listened for a few minutes, then I saw a circle of
light shining in my son's room. I waited to hear the demanding "Daddy."
But all I heard was the stillness of the night.
The same principle is true in the lives of adults. Many times we are afraid
of that which can do us no harm. Our flashlight can be knowledge; most
of the time we fear what we don't understand. As we become more
enlightened on something that seems scary, Peace will come.
The light doesn't really scare monsters living in the shadows, it just changes
our eyesight to see the room, the business, the school, the marriage, and
the assignment is not as scary as it looked without the light on.
Whatever you are afraid of, shine some light on it.
Now to find a few jokes - -First one also from Mountain Wings called
"Cussing in Church."
This is an old joke and I have laughed out loud every time I hear it.
A great grandmother i know extremely well sent it to my again.
A crusty old man walks in to the local Church and says to the secretary,
"I would like to join this damn church."
The astonished woman replies, " I beg your pardon sir, I must have
misheard you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I wanted to join this damn church."
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform
him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have
to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office, and the
pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no problem," the man says, "I just won $200 million in the
damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of it."
"I see," says the pastor. And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
One sent by my dear friend, Jeanette who used to blog a while back.
A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel, the medicine is so advanced that we
cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in six weeks
he is looking for work."
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part
of the brain out of a person and put it in another person's head, and in
4 weeks, he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out
half of the heart from a person and put it in another person's chest
and in 2 weeks, he is looking for work."
The Australian doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues,
you are way behind us. . . In Aussie we grabbed a person with no brains,
no heart, no balls . . . we made her Prime Minister of Australia and now . . .
the whole bloody country is looking for work !!!!"
A Pearly Gates item called "Dead Mule."
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered
a dead mule in the church yard. He called the Police, but since there
was no sign of foul play, the police referred the preacher to the Health
Department. They said, since there was no health threat, that he
should ring the Sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without
authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor, and was not too eager to call him.
The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with.
but the preacher rang him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave
at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it
your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused and then replied, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to
bury the dead., but I always like to notify the next of kin first."
One from my friend in Queensland. Thanks Warren for "Twenty Dollars."
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband
and asked for $20.00 for their first love making encounter. In his
highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was
repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him
thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other
incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her
husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he
explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate
downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of
59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what
he had been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty
years of steady deposits and interest totally nearly $1,000,000.Then
she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were
worth over $2 million, and informed him, they were one of the largest
depositors of the bank.
She explained that for more than three decades she had ;charged' him
for sex. the holdings had multiplied and were the results of her saving
Faced with the evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million
her husband was so astounded he could barely speak but finally he
found his voice and blurted out, "If I had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business."
That's when she shot him.
You know sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
Last one tonight from my Canberra friend Linda. Thank you for
"Why Ethel Changed Motels."
Last week Ethel checked into a motel and she was a bit lonely.She thought
"I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone-books for escorts
and sexual massages." She looked through the phone book and found a
whole page ad for a guy calling himself 'Tender Tony'- a very handsome
man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.
He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long
powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain
she could bounce a coin off his bum.
She figured, what the heck - nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call
"Good morning, ma'am, how may I help you?" Oh my, he sounded sooo
sexy. Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right
in. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I's like you to come to my
motel room and give me one."
"No. wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what
I really want is sex. I want it hot and I want it now. Bring implements
toys, rubber. leather whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
"We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate
syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything. I'm ready.now -
How does that sound?"
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press
9 for an outside line."
Well time to say Goodnight. Our daylight saving started today, so now we
are an hour ahead of Queensland as they don't have it. My son John rang
tonight from Gympie where he is staying the night with my brother Peter.
They have always got on so well. Then he heads for Brisbane to see his
two grandkids and their Mum, Rachael and will stay the night at Bec's house
and then head for home. Then he is off to Tasmania for a couple of days,
Take good care of yourselves my friends and be kind to one another.
Love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 756 ~ ~ Sunday, 2nd October, 2011.