Post ~~ 761 ~~ Sunday, 6th November, 2011.
Hi Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you and that life is good. Mine is,
but not very comfortable at the moment. I lifted a heavy awkward box
on Thursday and hurt my back. Sprained it so I was told, so walking and
getting up and down is not easy. I hope to get some relief very soon.
First item is called "Two Horses" and was sent by my friend of many years,
Barbara. Thank you so much.
Just up the road from my home is a field with two horses in it.
From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop
your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing....
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner
has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.
This alone is amazing. If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the
sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see
that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.
Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know
where the other horse is, so he can follow. As you stand and watch these
two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on
the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then
slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led
When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each
evening, it stops occasionally and looks back. Making sure the blind
friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away
just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or
He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us
when we are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided the little ringing bell of
those who God has placed in our lives. Other times we are the guide
horse, helping others to find their way....
Good friends are like that..... You may not always see them, but you
know they are always there. Please listen for my bell, and I'll listen
for yours, and remember . . . .
Be kinder than necessary. Everyone you meet is fighting
Some sort of battle.
Live simply; Love generously; Care deeply; Speak kindly . . . . . .
FOR WE WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT,
First joke was sent to me twice, from Queensland friends,
Lee, and Warren. Thank you both.
Keep smiling folks. Here's a little tale to help you along.
My dear husband:
I am writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a
good wife to you for the last 20 years and I have nothing to show
for it and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job which was the
last straw. Last week you came home and you didn't even notice
I had a new hair-style, had cooked your favorite meal and even
wore a brand new nightie.
You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to bed after watching
your TV shows. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't
want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore:
whatever the case, I'm gone. Your ex-wife.
PS, Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving to
Invercargill together. Have a great life.
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good
woman is far from what you've been.
I watch TV shows so much to drown out your constant whining
& bitching. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair-do last week, but the first thing
that came to my mind was, 'You look just like a boy' Since my
father raised me not to say anything, if you can't see anything
nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have confused
me with MY BROTHER, because I haven't eaten pork in 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the
$49.99mprice tag was still n it and I prayed it was a coincidence
that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me this morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out.
so when I won the $20 million lotto on Saturday, I left my job
and bought 2 tickets for us to Jamaica, but when I got home,
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted. My
lawyer said your letter ensures that you won't get a dollar from me.
So take care, signed your ex-husband, rich and free.
PS. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born
as Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Next joke is called "Adult Learning Center." Thank you dear Jan
for this one. I hope you are doing well my friend.
Adult Learning Center. Men teaching classes for women.
For the ladies, with a before the fact apology.
Class 1. Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to adjust a thermostat.
step by step with slide presentation,
Meets 4 weeks, for 2 hours,
Claas 2. Which takes more energy - Putting toilet seat down or
bitching about it for 3 hours. Round Table discussion.
Meets 2 weeks for 2 hours.
Class 3. Is it possible to drive past a Wal-Mart without stopping.
Group Debate. Meets 4 weeks for 2 hours.
Class 4. Fundamental difference between a Purse and a suit-case
Pictures and explanatory graphics. Meets for 3 weeks.
Class 5. Curling Irons-- Can they Levitate and fly into bathroom
cabinets? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks for 2 hours.
Class 6. How to ask questions during Commercials and be quiet
during the program. Help Line Support and Support groups.
Meets 4 weeks,
Class 7. Can a Bath be taken without 14 different kinds od Soaps
and Shampoos? Open Forum 2 hours.
Class 8. Health Watch -- They make medicine for PMS - USE IT.
Three nights for 2 hours.
Class 9. I Was Wrong and He Was Right - Real life testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10. How to Parallel Park in Less than 20 minutes without an
Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations.4 weeks, 2 hours.
Class 11. Learning to Live --How to apply brakes without throwing
passengers trough the windshield. Location to be determined.
Class 12. How to shop by yourself. Meets 4 weeks for 2 hours.
I bet the boys are laughing now. Sorry Ladies.
My cousin Lorraine sent me this one. Thank you Lorraine.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now
growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animal you can eat before they are born and after
they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: an insect that makes you like Flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
And last but not least.
WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character
Last one tonight is a Pearly Gates one. Would you remarry?
A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all
"If I died, and you remarried," the wife asks "would she live in
"We've spent a lot of money getting the house just the way we
want it. I am not getting rid of my house. I guess she would."
"If I died and you remarried,, and she lived in this house," the wife
asks, Would she sleep in our bed?"
"Well the bed is brand new ad it cost us $2,000. It's going to
last a long time, so I guess she would."
"If I died, and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept
in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"
"Oh. No," the husband replies, "She is left handed."
Well my friends, take great care of yourselves and each other. I am very
happy to say that my brother Peter is home from his son's wedding in
West Australia. He flew there, then went home by the Indian Pacific
railway which takes 3 days to cross the Nullabor Plain. He has put a
couple of posts on about it. Then he went by bus, taxi and car and is
now safely home in Gympie. Love and Best Wishes to you all.
Post 761 ~ ~ ~ Sunday 6th November, 2011.