Sunday, October 30, 2011

Saying Grace in a Restaurant.

Post 760 ~ ~ Sunday 30th October, 2011.

Hello again my friends ~~ Nice to be back with you tonight. The day has
just got away from me. I had hoped to start earlier, but here goes.
I hope your lives are going well my friends as mine is at present. No big
problems and not too many small ones -- who could ask for more?

A very Happy Halloween for those who celebrate it. Take care.

The first item was sent by my cousin Karyn in New Zealand. Thank you.
It is called "Saying Grace in a Restaurant." This is good for your soul!

Last week I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My six year old
grandson asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads, he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you
for the food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice-cream
for dessert. And liberty and justice for all. Amen.

Along with the laughter from other customers nearby, I heard a woman
remark, "That's what is wrong with this country. Kids don't even know
how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream. Why I never !!"

Hearing this my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it
wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God
was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the
table. He winked at my grandson.

:I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."
:Really?" my grandson asked.
"Cross my heart,"the man replied.

Then in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose
remark had started the whole thing). "Too bad she never asks God
for ice-cream. A little ice-cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal,
My grandson stared at his for a moment, and then did something I
will remember for the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed
it in front of the woman. "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for
the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."
The end. Sometimes we all need ice cream, so pass this on.

My friend Warren from Queensland sent me this one about
"Penguins" Thanks Mate.

Well I never. Who would have thought this. The Wonders
of Nature. Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica -- where do they go? Wonder no more!!

It is a well known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic
Bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to it's family and will mate for life,
as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with it's
offspring throughout it's life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members
of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in
the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is
large enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The make penguins then gather around the fresh grave and
sing: "FREEZE a JOLLY GOOD FELLOW", Freeze a jolly good
fellow." Then they kick him into the ice hole."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins,
did you?
It's so easy to fool OLD people. Thanks I think, Warren.

This is just a fun picture of a very brave or stupid cat.

I have received the next one several times, but thought you might like it.
"What Mom Taught Me."

Mom taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. If you are going to
kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

Mom taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet.

Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week.

Mom taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

Mom taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you
something to cry about.

Mom taught me FORESIGHT : "Make sure you wear clean
underwear in case you are in an accident."

Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at
the dirt on the back of your neck."

Mom taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all
that spinach is finished."

Mom taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as though a tornado
has swept through your room."

Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled
because I saw a meteor coming towards you, would you listen then?"

Mom taught me about HYPOCRICY" "If I've told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate."

Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting
like your father."

Mom taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

And most of all....Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought
you into this world, and I can take you out."

One from my friend Gina in Melbourne. Good one Gina, thanks.

Four guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick,
because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair for one of
them to stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Mick snored so
loudly , I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same
thing, hair standing on end, eyes all bloodshot. "Man what happened
to you? You look awful."
"Man that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all

The third night, was Bill's turn. He was a tanned older biker, a man's
man.... Next morning he came down to breakfast bright eyed and
bushy- tailed.

"Good morning" he said. They couldn't believe it.They said "Man what
happened?: He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and
tucked Mick into bed, patted him on the bottom and kissed him
goodnight on the lips. Mick sat up and watched me all night."

With age comes wisdom.

Some Will Rogers sayings, sent by my cousin Bill. Thanks, Bill.

"Never squat while wearing your spurs" Will Rogers who died in
a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this
country has ever known. Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip (pat) on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman.
Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream of the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put
it back in your pocket.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.

10. If you are riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now
and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than
putting it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and
shot him.

The Moral: When you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

"MY NEW BOYFRIENDS "was sent by my dear friend Karen in Utah.

I am seeing 5 gentlemen (give or take) every day.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed

Then I go to see John.

Then Charlie Horse comes along and when he's here he takes up a bit
of my time and attention.

When he leaves Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He
doesn't like to stay in ne place for long so he takes me from joint to joint.

After a busy day, I'm really tired and very glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.
What a life.

Oh yes, I'm flirting with Al Zymer; or whatever his name is. I forget.

And I'm thinking of calling Jack Daniels, Jim Beam or Johnny Walker to
come over and keep me company.

Now remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper .... the closer it gets
to the end, the faster it goes.
So have fun, think "good thoughts" on;y, learn to laugh at yourself
and "count your blessings."

Last one tonight from my friend Lorraine who used to live over the road.

To save the economy, on January 21st, 2013, Julia Gillard will announce:

That she is ordering the Immigration Department to start deporting Old
People (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and
Medical costs.

Old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back

I started crying when I thought of you . . . . .See you on the bus.

Time to close folks. I hope you got at least one smile from that lot.
Take great care of yourselves and each other and find something
of joy in your days. Have a good week. My love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 760 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 30th October, 2011.


♥●• ─░zdiher •●♥ said...

Awesome post .Jokes are always fun and I love your collection.Happy Halloween .

Love you .

Take care .

Granny Annie said...

The kid was sweet but what a waste of good ice cream. You know the gal didn't appreciate it either.

Good post Merle. See you on the bus. LOL

Anonymous said...

Hi Merle, lots of smiles and lots of laughs, like the one about deporting Old People...happy you're feeling good, sending you love and hugs

Beth E. said...

I love ice cream! ;-)

I hope you are doing well, sweet Merle. Have a great week.


Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ I got lots of smiles too. I was smiling most of the time I was reading this.

I had heard that penguins are very committed to their families and will stick with one mate for life. But I didn't know about their burial rites. Freeze a good fellow, huh?

Remind me not to go bike riding with Bill. I like to sleep at night.

Happy Halloween! And Cheers,

Peter said...

Hi Merle,I'm typing this on a train that's rocking so if there are more mistakes than normal you'll know why.
The train trip has been great, (post later) I'm glad I changed from flying, especially Qantas.

Lady Di Tn said...

The Penguins takes the cake but a close runner up is the Snoring Man. LOL
Kids usually say the darnest things and most usually get it right on the Money.
Wishing you enough. Peace

Dave said...

We had such an awful storm here Merle, there was no Halloween. The kids are very upset.

Loved the post... especially the "Saying Grace" one..!

Rosezilla said...

So many good ones! Loved the ones about what your mama taught you, and the ones by Will Rogers. Also the ones about the sweet children, with the ice cream and the teddy bear. The one about the minister standing on Fred's oxygen tube made me laugh because i can see me doing something like that! :-) I'm glad you're feeling well.

audrey` said...

I love ice cream too :)