Post 767 ~ ~ ~ Sunday - 12th February, 2012.
Hello my Friends ~~ i hope all is well with you and your lives are
going well for you and life is good. I am going OK and got a
very good result from my doctor on Friday. So that brightened
my day. Foolish man asked "Where would I like to have blood tests
done?" I said, "Nowhere." He said "Let me rephrase that question.
"If you had to have blood tests where would you prefer to go?"
So I had them at the Pathology in the same building. He also
wanted to know who said I couldn't cook and told me to do what
I felt like doing to get back to normal. I am very keen to have
some lamb chops, so will get some on Tues while shopping.
I worked out why I had that dizzy spell last shopping day. I was
using blood sugar test strips that were not reading right. So
when it went to 9, I took some Diabex. Then with new strips
I was having 4.3 or 4.8, so by taking the tablets gave myself
a low. Dr. agreed with me so we are both happy.
First item today is from Linda, my friend in Canberra.
Thanks Linda for "Gold Wrapping Paper."
The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five
year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping
paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when
the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the
Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother
the next morning and said, "This is for you Momma."
The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but
her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it
empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner.
"Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a
present, there's supposed to be something inside the package?"
She had tears in her eyes and said, "Oh Momma. it's not empty,
I blew kisses into it until it was full."
The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms
around her little girl, and begged forgiveness for her thoughtless
An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it
is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the
years of her life.
Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems, she
would open the box and take our an imaginary kiss and remember
the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been
given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from
ur children, family and friends. There is no more precious
possession anyone could hold.
First joke was sent by my good friend, Jeanette. Thanks Jan.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but
prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store some blood.
The gentleman had a rare type of blood and it couldn't be found
locally, so the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located with
the same blood type.
The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation
for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and US dollars.
A couple of days later the Arab had to go through corrective
surgery. The doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more
than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a Thank-
you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate
his kind gesture as he had anticipated, as he had done before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him, "I thought you would be
generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds,
and money....but you only gave me a thank you card and a
box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied, "Aye laddie, but now I have Scottish
blood in ma veins.
Another one from Linda, called "Cake or Bed" Thank you.
A husband is home watching a football match when his wife
"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been
flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does
it look like I have Energy Australia written on my forehead.
I don't thinks so."
Fine. Then the wife asks, "Well could you fix the fridge door?
It won't close right."
To which he replied, Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I
have Westinghouse written on my forehead?" I don't think so"
"Fine" she says. Then could you at least fix the steps to the
front door. They are about to break?"
"I'm not a carpenter and I don't fix steps. He says Do I have
Bunnings written on my forehead? I don't think so.
I've had enough of you, I'm going to the pub !!!"
So he goes to the pub and drinks for a couple of hours ......
Then he starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife
and decides to go home.
As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to the fridge to get a beer, he notices the
fridge door is fixed.
"Honey," he asks, "how did all this get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked what was wrong
and I told him.
He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was
either go to bed with him or bake a cake."
He said, "What kind of cake did you bake?"
She replied, Helloooo, Do you see Sara Lee written on
Next ones were sent by my cousin David. Thank you.
These were answers to exam questions by 16 year olds.
Q. Name the four seasons?
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made
safe to drink?
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink, because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All
water tends to flow towards the moon because there is no
water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget
where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are
Q. In a democratic society,how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a make
gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A.Keep it in the cow.
Q.How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised ?
A. The body consists of 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and
the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity
contains the 5 bowels. A.E.I.O.U.
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q.What doe varicose mean?
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They grow in damp places and they look like
Q. hat does the word benign mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
One from my friend Warren and if you are easily offendsd
skip this one. Thanks Mate I think. For The Camel.
A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed
their situation. After a long period of silence the Priest spoke,
"Well Sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know Father. In fact I don't think it likely that we can survive
more than a day or two."
"I agree' says the Father. "Sister since we are unlikely to make it
out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I
might see yours?"
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see it would do any harm."
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of
her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them? She consented and
he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the Priest replied lifting his
robe. "Oh Father, may I touch it?"
The Priest consented ad after a few minute's fondling he was
sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place,
it can Give Life."
"Is that true Father?"
"Yes it is Sister."
"Oh Father, that's wonderful..... Stick it in the camel and let's get
out of here."
Last one for this post again from Warren, but it is OK. Thanks.
I complained about my recent electric bill and here is the response.
Just a little note to let you know we understand your anger in
the recent price hike. But it should be noted that you have no
We are a big company and you will pay what we tell you.
You have no choice. We have the power, you need the
power. So sad...too bad.
We have enclosed a little picture to help outline our response
Have a nice day and keep those cheques coming.
Sincerely, Your Local Power company.
The picture was a lot of power workers up a huge pole and
showing their bare backsides. What fun.
Well time to close this post. My back has been aching so it took a
lot of stopping and starting. Take care of yourselves and each
other my friends. My love and best wishes to you all.
Post 767 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 12th February, 2012.