Sunday, March 18, 2012

Six Days to Life,

Post ~ ~ 773 ~~ Sunday, 18th March, 2012.

Hello again my dear friends, Well I had a lot of fun (not) doing the post
yesterday. It had a very bold font, very large, with underlining and when
I typed anything it was huge and not nice, so there are two posts this
weekend. I see when it was posted it was quite all right. Oh Well.

I do hope that all is well with you my friends and your lives are going well.
I am fine despite a small hiccup when I had a slip down to the floor after
trying to do too much, so won't do that again- the overwork I mean.
I wasn't hurt very much in the fall, my right leg is still sore after 4 days.
Trouble is I couldn't get up - always my worst worry. I tried for a long
time but just could not, so luckily I had the phone with me and I rang
Michael who is like another son, he got me up easily and sat me down
got me a jug full of cold water, and I drank 3 glasses straight.

Michael finished what I was trying to do. I had started making meals
and you have to finish them. I had cooked all the vegies, so he put
them on the meals and covered them and put them in the fridge and
freezer. Then he put my meal in the microwave and heated it for me.
I will do things differently next time, I was so grateful for his help.
Next day he brought me some Ice Gel and massaged the calf of my leg.
The pain was instantly eased and I did it again twice that day.

Today I had a lovely surprise visit from my dear granddaughter Kate
and her partner from Deniliquin. Kate of the restaurant.. They both
did a few small jobs for me just little things that I can't do. It gave
me a real lift to my spirits to see them. AND they went to Bunnings
and got me some bright coloured plants. So another spirit lift.
It made me late starting this, but it was so lovely to see them both.

Well time to move on now. I am fine really. First item is from
Mountain Wings and is called "Six Days to Live."

I have never known six happy days in my life. Napoleon Bonaparte,
Emperor of France and conqueror of much of Europe.

I have found life so beautiful. ~~Helen Keller, lecturer and writer
who was blind and deaf from the age of 19 months. Helen Keller
graduated from college and went on to champion the cause of
blind and deaf people.

From the Mountain:
Most would assume that an emperor would have cause to be
constantly, and a blind and deaf person would have cause to be
miserable constantly.

It's not in the stuff outside,
It's the stuff inside that counts.
<><>
A nice story from my cousin David called "Gratitude," Thanks David.

The Whale...If you read a recent front page of the San Francisco
Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who
had become entangled in a spiderweb of crab traps and lines.

She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that
caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of
yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso and
a line tugging in her mouth,

A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands, (outside
the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help.

Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that
she was so bad off,the only way to save her was to dive in and
untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and
eventually freed her.

When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like
joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one
at a time and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she
was thanking them.

Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their
lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes
were following him the whole time,and he will never be the same.

May you,and all those you love, be as blessed and fortunate to
be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from
the things that are binding you.

And may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.
<><>

Time for a few jokes, First from my good friend Theanne, Thanks
Theanne for "Advice for a Scottish Wife."

A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow about her husband's
temper and threatening manner.
The Doc asks :What's the problem Janet?"

The woman says, "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinnae know what to
do. Every time me auld man comes home pissed, he threatens to
slap me aroon..."

The Doctor says, "Aye, well I have a real good cure for that. When
your husband comes home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of
water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish
but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later she comes back to the Doctor looking fresh and
reborn. She says, "Doctor, that was an effin brilliant idea.Every
time my auld man came home pished, I swished and swish
ed and
he didnae touch me even once.Tell me Doctor, what is the secret?
How does the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret. The water
does bugger all....it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.
<><>

One from Pearly Gates called "Cannibal Canoe."

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New York Yankee are captured
by cannibals. The chief cannibal comes to them and says, The bad
news is that we have caught you, we're going to kill you, put you in
a pot cook you and eat you and then use your skin to build a canoe.
The good news is that you choose how to die.

The Frenchman says "I take the sword." The chief gives him a sword
He says,"Viva la France" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "Right, -- a pistol for me please."The chief gives
him a pistol, he points it at himself, says "God Save the Queen." and
shoots.

The New Yorker says "Gimme a fork". The chief is puzzled but he shrugs
and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing
himself all over the stomach, the sides, the chest , everywhere. There's
blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled, and asks, "What in the world are you doing?:
The New Yorker says, "So much for your stupid canoe."
<><>
Two from my dear friend Lady Di. Thank you Dianne for "Seniors and
Computers." And also "Blonde at the Bar."

As we Senior Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with
our computers. I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the
11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control
and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and
solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So what was wrong?"
He replied, It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID
ten T error? What's that? In case I have to fix it again."

Eric grinned.."Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
Write it down," he said, and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote it down: IDIOT

I used to like Eric, the little ba****d.
<><>

A guy walks in and sits down at the end of the bar, just a few seats
from him there is a very buxom blonde with huge size 44DD breasts.
The guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down
the bar. t hits the lady's boobs ad splashes all over them

The bartender retrieves the mug and licks the beer off the blonde.
Each time he calls for a beer, this happens. So after the third beer,
he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender
hits her boobs,he jumps up and starts to lick her breasts...AND
SHE DECKS HIM.

He is laying on the floor moaning and groaning, "Jeez..then why
do you let the bartender do it?"

Get ready . . . . here it comes . . . .

^

^

^ "Because he has a licker licens" Says the blonde.
Another winner???
<><>

Last one is a short one from Warren. Thanks Mate.
It is called, "Grandpa What is Sex?"

An 8 year-old girl went to her Grandfather who was working in the
yard. and asked him, :Grandpa, what is sex?" The grandfather was
surprised that she would ask such a question but decided that if she's
old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to
get a straight answer. Stealing himself to leave nothing out, he
proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and
responsibilities of intercourse.

When he had finished explaining the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look
on her face, the grandfather asked her "Why did you ask this question
honey?"

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in a
couple of secs."
<><>

Well time to close my friends. Look after yourselves and each other.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 773 ~ ~ Sunday, 18th March, 2012.
<><><>


10 comments:

Theanne said...

Hi Merle...so sorry about your fall...so happy Michael was able to get you up and help you out. And that you had a lovely visit from Kate and her partner!

the jokes were all great...still loving the one I sent you, maybe cause over the years I've had trouble knowing when to keep my mouth shut! LOL

have a peaceful week,

love and hugs, Theanne

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Sorry to hear about the fall and glad no serious damage was done. God Bless Michael for his help. It was nice to hear Kate and friend came for a visit and cheered you up. Thanks for sharing my merger jokes and the swishing the water was a HOOT. Please be careful as you are one of our PRECIOUS Blogger. Wishing you ENOUGH. PEACE

Big Dave T said...

Your family is a godsend there Merle. That post from yesterday turned out all right on my computer here. A lot of stupid people out there. Wonder what Darwin himself would say.

I saw in the paper here that they had a nasty tornado over there in Australia somewhere. We've got temperatures today in the 80s again. Usually it's below 50 degrees.

Take care.

La Dolce Vita said...

Thank you for sharing this post.
I really believe in these lines that you have mentioned in your post"It's not in the stuff outside,
It's the stuff inside that counts."
I am visiting your blog for the first time. Merle, you look so sweet. It would be great if you share some stories of your life especially, about your childhood days.
Take care,

Rosezilla said...

Friends and family are indeed lifesavers, aren't they! hope you get to feeling better. I've been enjoying my grandkids for a week, wow, they'll cure what ails ya! I loved the one about swishing the water, that's not bad advice. And I agree, happiness doesn't depend on circumstances. Well, at least joy doesn't. I told one of my sons I didn't want to be rich and famous. He said well, have you ever been rich and famous? And I said, no, but I'm happy, and so many rich and famous people aren't.

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry to hear about the fall. Please take care.

Thank you for telling me about the font size on my blog. I'm sorry about it.

Granny Annie said...

There has to be a reason God make women so talkative. So many jokes about women talking too much when the jokes should be about men not listening enough:)

Jim said...

O Merle ~~ Was it the crutch problem again? I sure am glad that Kate could come. Too bad you had cooked so much or she might have done that for you. But you didn't know.

I loved the jokes today, all of them! Maybe the Grandma and little girl one the best although I am partial to your blonde jokes.

Sorry this is sooo late. I came earlier (Monday?) but did not finish reading. I am so busy I maybe won't post again until Saturday and maybe not even then.

Stay cheerful, Cheers,
..

Dave said...

Every one are outstanding jokes Merle!!!

Thank goodness you didn't get hurt when you fell (and thank goodness for your friends and family!)

Mountain Mama said...

I'm so glad you had your phone on you. You should continue to wear it. I hope your leg is much better by now too. How wonderful of the 'son of your heart' to come to your rescue. He must ba a darling.
I take my cell phione outside with me when I do yard work just incase I need help.
Love your jokes Merle, especially the smart New Yorker. LOL. That sure tickled my funny bone!
You take care now, and take it easy.
Love & hugs.