Sunday, April 29, 2012

Eating and Drinking.

Post 779 ~ ~ ~ Sunday 29th April, 2012.

Hello My Friends ~~ I hope your lives are going well and you are as well as can be, I am doing very well, with just the sore toe the main complaint and I will see the podiatrist again very soon. Otherwise the world is good with some lovely Autumn days, and some where the sun is out but there is no warmth in it. I have had my carpets cleaned, bought a new mattress for the spare room and had the TV improved. The carpet man Simon has been coming for years and put up a cuckoo clock I had bought for me and also put some new masking tape over a join between the kitchen and carpet in the dining room. He is so kind and says he likes to help out "his ladies".

The trouble is this darn cuckoo clock makes the hours too fast. And as it was only cheap, it doesn't cuckoo the correct number of times and goes off 5 minutes early, and a talking clock in the kitchen is 5 minutes late telling me the hour. So it is all fun at my house. I am half expecting Peter to come down for a visit, and the mattress is so high now, have been wanting someone to try it out. Wallah ~~ My granddaughter Krissy has come for an overnight stay. so I hope she can climb in and doesn't fall out and break a leg. As I said, Lots of fun.

First item is a Pearly Gates one called "Eating and Drinking."

a.The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

b. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

c. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

d. The Italians drink lots of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

e. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
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Some from my good friend Lady Di. Thanks Dianne for the next couple and Smart Ass Answers.

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow;s final exam. "Now class, I wont tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart Ass student at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well I guess you'd have
to write the exam with your other hand."
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A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old and fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment..

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
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It was meal time during an airline flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John seated in front. "What are my choices?"
"Yes or No," she replied.
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, " No ma'am, they're dead."
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The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. The officer said, "I've been waiting for you all day." The kid replied, " Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


A truck driver was driving along on the freeway ad noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged
under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?".
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas."


Another from Pearly Gates called "Mother of the Bride."

Jennifer's big formal wedding was fast approaching and she was delighted to hear that her Mom, Sheila, emerging from a nasty divorce, had finally found the perfect mother-of-the- bride dress.

Two days later she was shocked to learn that her new young stepmother, Fawn, had purchased the same dress.

She asked her stepmother to buy another dress, since her Mom had already altered her
purchase. Fawn refused.

After two more weeks of frustrated shopping, Sheila found a dress that was not as nice as
the first, but would serve.

When asked by a friend what she would do with her original dress, she grinned and replied,
"I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner."


Well I must finish tonight and get my head out of the computer and talk to Kristen who had cooked tea and washed up and put a heap of recipe cards in their folder. Lots of things that she can do so easily. I can also do them, but much slower. It is so good of her to visit from Deniliquin. She is living with Kate and Scotty and they are getting on well.

Look after yourselves and each other, Try to find something of beauty in every day my
friends. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 779 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 29th April, 2012.
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6 comments:

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle,
If it isn't one thing, it's another! Hope your podiatrist will be able to fix the sore toe. After X rays and a cat scan on my knee, the doc. says I have arthritis and bursar swelling there, which is why it is swollen. She is surprised I am walking without any problems. I didn't even notice it was swollen until Ken pointed it out. I wish now he hadn't - it's not painful, so why worry? So, arthritis in my neck, back, hands, feet and knee. Oh, and bronchitis at the moment. Well, it's all good reason to stay at home and do some sewing, instead of gadding about so much.

Granny Annie said...

For some reason I envy you the crazy clocks. Yes I would find them fun. Hope the mattress works out and doesn't produce any broken bones. Loved each and every joke and the laughter they brought me. Thanks again Merle!

Theanne said...

and cheers to you Merle!

hoping your toe gets better soon!

loved the jokes...they were all great!

have a fantastic week,

love and hugs, Theanne

Dave said...

Great ones as always Merle, and I'm so glad you're feeling better! *S*

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ I'm glad about Simon being so helpful. And it is really nice that Krissy can come. Is Kate going to teacher her cooking skills and the trade?

Those Italian and Japanese people have an advantage of some sort. Speaking English? Well perhaps.

We do know after the cruise we just finished that the British (English and Scotish for sure) don't know English real well. They seem to us to be murdering it.

Cheers,
..

audrey` said...

How is your toe now, Merle? Please take care.