Sunday, May 06, 2012

Ride to the Airport.

Billy Graham.

 Hello My Friends ~~ Looks like this is where we start and so will do the story of
"Ride to the Airport" a Mountain Wings item.

Billy Graham had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport.

Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while.
The chauffeur didn't really have much of a choice, so he got in the back of the limo  and
Rev. Graham took to the wheel.

He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.

Soon the blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his rear-view mirror.

He pulled over and a trooper came to his window. 

When the trooper saw who it was, he said, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."

The trooper radioed in
and asked for the chief, 
He said, "I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I don't know what to do."

The chief replied, "Who is it, I hope not Ted Kennedy?"
The trooper said , "No, even more important."
"It isn't the Governor, Jeb Bush is it?" asked the chief.
"No, even more important," replied the trooper.

"It isn't the President, George Bush, is it?"

No", replied the trooper, "even more important."

"Well, WHO in the WORLD is it? screamed the chief.

The trooper responded, " I don't really know for sure but I think it might be Jesus,
because his chauffeur is Billy Graham."

Hello again my friends, I do not like this new format of starting the middle of the page
but will try to go with the flow and use it. I could not move the pic of Billy Graham down. 
I hope all is well with you all and your lives are happy. I am feeling really good again. At last the podiatrist has decided that the trouble with my toe is due to gout. So I am back on the tablets for that. At least it is good to know and he trimmed it back, and trimmed it back and when I saw it that night I got a shock, as he had cut and pared the nail down to half a nail. He kept asking if it hurt, and it didn't but oh boy that night I could barely bear the bedclothes on it, but as it is cold here I had to turn and turn to get it comfortable. Next day I could barely walk it hurt so much. But it has gradually got much better and I think the worst is over. So I am feeling great.

My brother Peter is coming to visit me tomorrow, 1000 miles drive for him. I hope he will stay 2 nights on the way. We always used to stay one night, but we are not as young as we used to be. I am looking forward to his visit and it will be a lift to my spirits. as we get on so well.

He will be tired after all the driving, so I guess will stay out of the car for a day or so.
I am late starting this tonight as I had to watch my AFL footy team play and we had a win against the bottom side which played well for the first half, but we won in the end. 
Go Blues. 

Now to find some jokes ~ ~ ~

Words for Women to Live By.

1.  Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2.  If the shoe fits - buy them in every color. 

3.  Take life with a pinch of salt....Awedge of lime and a shot of tequila.

4.  In need of a support group? -Cocktail hour with the girls.

5.  Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days)

6.  When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7.  Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS amd this is just your personality.

8.  I know I am in my own little world, but it's OK. They know me here.

9.  Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons, turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man, there is some woman tired of all his bulls**t.

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parent-hood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she is wrong.

"Good friends are like stars......You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."  "Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow , but live for today."

One from my good friend, Patricia. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you Patty.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.  On their return from their trip, the father asked the son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh Yeah" said the son.

"So tell me what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The  son answered
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they had a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."  

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?  Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate all the things you have, especially your friends.

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Thank you Linda for "Girl's Night Out.

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One had nothing to wipe with so thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to use them, but she was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to use that. Then they went home.

The next day, one woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet  and innocent
wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband.
"These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst.
 My wife came home with no panties."

"You think that's bad", said the other husband, "Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck to her bottom that says,
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."
Last one tonight is from my good friend Lady Di. It is about DUI.

An experience with you all, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the
authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A
couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends of TGIF and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never
done before.  I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road-block but as it was a bus, they waved it on.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a small surprise as I had never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

Well, time to close as I still have a few jobs to do before bed, although I won't be long up.Peter is staying with a mate tonight and is only about an hour and a half from here.
So those two will talk half the night away. Keith lost his wife to cancer just over a year ago and Peter had to make a speech and deliver it at Anne's funeral.

Take good care of yourselves and each other and enjoy something special each day. I took rubbish out today to the bin and found the sun was nice and warm so stood in it for a while
My love and best wishes to you all,  Cheers, Merle.

Post  780  ~ ~ ~  6th  May,  2012.


Granny Annie said...

My own brother recently visited and it is a treat to sit and talk with him. We spent almost all of our time at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Those opportunities are few and far between. You and Peter will have a great time and his visit is the best medicine for you.

audrey` said...

Yeah! It's so nice to catch you online now, Merle. Take care. Love you!

♥●• İzdihër •●♥ said...

hey have a good day ;)
Jokes are so funnie.

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Hi honey I do wish I could come by here more often because I love your site.
Enjoy your visit with your brother. I hope he takes your advice and takes it slower.
HOpe your having a wonderful weekend

Gledwood said...

I loved that first one. (Billy Graham.)

Tyres or testicles giving you trouble? Just as well I'm turning into a woman I tell you!

Seriously. It's a long story about some psych medication or my liver making me grow SWOLLEN BREAST TISSUE ~ but only on one side. I'm booked in for a mammogram and everything!

My new blog by the way is at

have you been there? I know I write very changeable things every day but I AM keeping my diary online... what else can I say!!!

Theanne said...

happy toe is better...and that brother is close by!

the jokes are hilarious...really liked the "knickers" one and the "bus" one! ;)

have a good week...enjoy your brothers visit!

hugs, Theanne

Jim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jim said...

Hi Merle ~I am glad that Peter is coming to visit. Too bad that his buddy's wife died.

"If the shoe fits" reminds me of how as a man I can get by with only two pair of different soxs. I have 20 white ones all the same and 12 greyish black ones alike.

I am still smiling over the poor ladies who had to visit the cemetery. The drunk bus driver joke is a hoot too.

Cheers, enjoy your visit with bro,

Lady Di Tn said...

Nothing like a bad toe(speaking from experience) I am glad to hear you report that it is getting better. Everything here is ahead of schedule due to the very warm March we had. Prince and Puppy picked cherries late Sunday evening and we put them in the freezer yesterday. They are about a month ahead of schedule. The birds are feasting on most of them as I did not get my radio out this year. Glad you shared the bus joke and I really like the ladies nigh out one. Enjoy your brother's visit. Wishing you enough. Peace and Love

Pamela said...

HOpe you're having a good visit with Peter!

Big Dave T said...

I assume Peter is there and you two are swapping stories. My two brothers and my sister happened to stop at my folks house at the same time this past Sunday and there was a lot of laughing and reminiscing from what I hear. Too bad I couldn't have been there too. Family get-togethers are fun.

Loved your jokes as always.

Kat said...

Merle, I really enjoy reading your blog- you tap on all the emotions - laughter, love and tenderness. Love you Merle and hope you are well!