Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Few Jokes.

Post ~ 781 ~ ~ Sunday, 13th May, 2o12.
Hello My Friends, Peter has been teaching me how to a post a picture on this blog and moving it down low enough for this greeting at the beginning. I hope you are keeping well and happy. I
am doing quite well, although Peter saw a big change 0n me. The main problem this week is
the tremors I have turned to a constant shaking. A Nuisance, but I'll cope.

The photo shows my son John and daughter Kathy and me about my last birthday I think.


Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,

"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.


Twenty Questions

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.<><>w

While I sat in the area of my doctor's office a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As ahe went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make mall talkwith him. a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placig his sand on the man's, he said. "Iknow how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in trhe strollerl


Granny Annie said...

In keeping with the big fingers and big nostrils, my husband always says "Never trust a person with small nostrils. They can't pick their noses and it makes them frustrated and mean."

Glad you are enjoying Peter's visit and good to hear he's giving you a good health report.

Bec said...

Hey grandma, hope the shaking isn't too bad.
I think that photos was taken in 2009.... The calendar behind u guys gives it away :)
Hope u had a good mothers day.
Love Bec

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ Good for you, I am glad, that you could type as much as you did. The family picture is real nice. It is nice that peter could show you how to move the pictures. I can't do it with the new update except by using HTML and pasting it where I want it to be.

I really like the little boy with the boot problems joke. Even though I had heard this one before, I couldn't remember the punch line.

Your twenty facts list is good too, as is the poor fellow whose 'mom' makes him ride in his wheel chair.

Winifred said...

Lovely photo Merle. Hope you are keeping well!

Love these funnies especially the bootee one. It reminded me of when I was little and I always struggled to get my wellies on. I've never worn them since even though they're the height of fashion now.

Take care Merle.

Peter said...

Good to see you back to nor4mal on the quizz merle.... be back soon!!

audrey` said...

Hi Merle :) Hope you're feeling much better now. Take care.

Peter said...

My easiest way to contact you is via a comment.... Vicki and I will be up either on 22nd or 23rd, Marcus and maybe Jacqui on the 24th Just for the day, Kieth and a mate of OLD days and maybe Jan.
Pick a place you would like to go for lunch, somewhere nice, ie not Macca's or red rooster.
See you soon, stay well.

Lady Di Tn said...

Again a great post. First we had a tree fall an take out the internet and now I am having allergies problems BIG TIME. Hope the shaking gets better. Peace