Sunday, April 01, 2012

Tired Dog.

Post 776 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 8th April, 2012.

Hello my Friends ~~ I hope you have all had a Happy and safe Easter
and that things are going well for you. I hope your lives are happy
and healthy and you have enjoyed some family times at Easter.

I am feeling much better, so I hope the Supplement Ensure is doing
this for me. My legs are doing well, and have no problem holding me
up, so I just have my 'normal' back pain. Easter has been lovely for
me, with my son Geoff coming yesterday to do some gardening for
me and we went to Bunnings and bought a few new plants, so it all
looks tidy and brighter which gives me a real lft.

Today my granddaughters Kate and Krissy and Kate's partner Scott
came for a visit. And all did some jobs for me and were willing to do
more. Kate offered to do washing or cooking, but she only has
Sundays off from the restaurant and I can manage these chores now.
Scott watered the back yard and Krissy the Lemon Tree which has
a few buds on it, so I may see lemons after all. He also moved a
couple of pot plants for me.

Kate was good enough to cut my hair as it was nearly long enough
for a pony tail, so feels better now. Krissy did the lunch dishes. I had
cooked chicken breast fillets and chips and made salads.

We will start with the title story which was sent by my friend Connie
Thank you so much dear friend
. I hope you had a lovely Easter.

Too cute not to share......... Meow/ Connie

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I come with him tomorrow?

A few short ones from my dear friend Margaret in Queensland.
Thank you Margaret for "I'm Just Saying.

1. He said to me.... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing
to put in it.
I said to him . . . . You wear pants, don't you?

2. He said to me .. . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him....... That's a good idea.-you stand by the stove and sink while I sit on the
sofa and do nothing but fart.

3. He said to me...... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him...... Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

4. He said to me.... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him . ......They don't have time.

5. He said to me .........How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him ...........I don't know. It has never happened.

6. He said to me ......Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
and good-looking?
I said to him ........ They already have boyfriends.

7. He said to me. .... What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is
every night?
I said to him ..... A widow.

8. He said to me ....Why are married women heavier than single women>
I said to him ...... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Sorry about the underlining, but I do no know how to remove it.

Aha but I do.... copy affected text to a word doc then delete it from your post, now un-check the "underline" symbol in the word doc and copy it back into your post

Author (in black) your clever brother.

I will try italics.This one sent by a good friend at Christmas.
Thank you Edna.

Straight from the babe's mouth.
Should children witness childbirth? Because of a power failure, only
one paramedic responded to a call for help.

The house was dark, so the paramedic asked three- year -old Kathleen
to hold a torch high over her Mummy so he could see while he helped
deliver the baby. Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on the bottom
and Connor began to cry The paramedic thanked Kathleen and asked the
wide eyed youngster what she thought about what she had witnessed.

Kathleen responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.
Smack him again."

I will leave this a little while and see if that helps - it is annoying.
Well I'm back after closingmy gates and having my evening meal
and we still have the underlinig.
Another joke that Edna sent me Thanks Edna.

A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Longreach
farm and talks to an old farmer. He tells the farmer, "I need to inspect
your farm for your water allocation."

The old farmer says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there.

The Water Representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the
Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am
allowed to go WHERE-EVER I WISH on any agricultural land.
No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand?"

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his work.

Later the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running
for his life and close behind him is the farmer's bull. The bull is gaining
with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old farmer throws
down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his voice,

"Your card. Show him your card!!"

Top Idiots of 2008 Borrowed or stolen from my blogging friend Dave.
Thank you Dave. You are welcome to steal any of mine.

Idiot No 1 of 2008
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that ants are not harmful and there would be
no need to bring her into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order
to kill the ants.
I told her she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right
Here's your sign, Lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot of 2008.
Early this year some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s.

They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after
they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter
coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was honing in on the
emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign. Don't get it wet or the paint might run.

Number three idiot of 2008.
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America walked into
the branch and wrote this "Put all your money in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and
might call the police., before he reached the teller's window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the
Well's Fargo Bank.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller/

She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, she told him she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would have to either fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
slip or go back to the Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said "OK" and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later
, as he was waiting in line at the
Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it.

I will do more of these another time. I cannot do more tonight as the
underlining makes it difficult with my poor eyesight. Also I have
developed an ear ache that I had last night also. Can't think straight
so please forgive me for this post. Better luck next time.

My love and best wishes to you all. Be kind to one another and enjoy
your lives. Cheers, Merle.

Post 776 ~ ~ ~ Sunday 8th April, 2012.


♥●• İzdihër •●♥ said...

Hi Merle

Glad to know that you are going well :).

Granny Annie said...

Glad to know you had a pleasant Easter. I'm afraid that mine was spent in bed and then in the Emergency room of hospital. Diagnosis -- Upper respiratory infection. I'm a little better but not much.

Your funny stories certainly worked to uplift me. Don't know which one I liked best.

I am sorry you have the underlining problem. That happened to me once but I can't remember how I fixed it.

Dave said...

So glad to hear you're feeling better Merle!
You have such wonderful friends and family.. you are truly blessed. *S*
Great post as always...!

Lady Di Tn said...

You had a grand Easter with so many caring family to come and visit plus help out. Glad to hear you are doing better and I have often wondered about Ensure. Love the jokes and the dog story was precious. Do you happen to have a hand held hair dryer? If so put it on low heat and hold it up Near not on your hurting ear and it will help. Talking from experience. I now have to wear a scarf or ear muffs if the wind is blowing a lot to keep from having ear aches. Peace

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ Isn't it nice to back to normal with 'just' the back ache! :)

That's about me too, yes a normal back ache, except my knee is still running warm after eight and a half months. When we get back from London either it will be cooled down like the other or I will see the doc. If it has finished cooling I might try golf with it again.

I loved Dave's Idiot of 2008. The world is full of them. I think you are okay but sometimes I wonder about me.

Lady Di's home remedy reminds me of when I went on sick call in the Army for a sore ear. He fill a syringe full of ???? and forced it down my ear canal. My ear hurt worse when I left than when I came in.

Big Dave T said...

I don't get the underlining but I get a pop-up message saying that your site wants me to download some Microsoft Office 2010 component. I'll bet if I do, I'll see the underlining. So I won't.

You have such a generous and loving family. We're headed out tomorrow to see our son Scott in Washington DC.

I liked the "he said to me" jokes best.

Lifes Boundaries said...

Merle this is Sue, I was so happy to finally sit and read for a while. You made me laugh out loud several times, I will share some of your stories. You are the BEST, Stay well.

audrey` said...

It's so good to know that you're feeling better, Merle :)