Friday, April 06, 2012

What Goes Around.

Post 777  ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 15th April,  2012.

Hello my friends ~~I hope this finds you all doing well
and enjoying your lives. I am feeling great and I think
the Ensure supplement is the reason. I have had a Step
throat and a very painful ear, which I used a heat pad
to relieve it. I had antibiotics for that.

And a surprise to me, I must have led a very sheltered
life. I thought ingrown toenails could only grow at the
top of the nail. I have one that has grown into the side
of my toe. The result being part of the nail has to be
removed and the base killed so it won't grow back there
again. Apart from these small and annoying problems, I
still feel great and have put on a little weight.

First item today is called "What Goes Around" and is
one from Mountain Wings
. Most of you will have read it
before but it is a good story.

What Goes Around A Mountain Wings Item. ==========

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she looked worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, 'I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.' Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, 'And think of me.' He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan. After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: 'You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.' Under the napkin were four more $100. Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard.... She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, 'Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.' ~Author Unknown~
It sure went around quickly, didn't it?
<><>
Next is from Pearly Gates called "Dig, dig, dig"

A husband and wife constantly bickered and fought, often
yelling deep into the night. Most fights ended with the
husband shouting "When I die, I will dig my way up. out
of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest
of your life".

Everybody in the neighborhood who heard this threat feared
and avoided him for his temper - a fact he enjoyed right
up to the day he dropped dead of a heart attack in the
middle of one of his tirades.

After the funeral and burial, his widow threw a huge party
for the neighborhood to celebrate their shared freedom. The neighbors, however, were concerned for her safety and asked
"Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way
out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife smiled and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried
upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."
<><>

Next one from my good friend, Lady Di. Thank you Dianne
for "A Women's Week at the Gym."
Dear Diary.
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club. Although
I am still in great shape since being a high school
football cheerleader 43 years ago. I decided it would
be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called
the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer
named Christo, who identified himself as a 26 year old
aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and
swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to
get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to
chart my progress.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MONDAY.
Started my day at 6:oo a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but
found it was well worthit when I arrived at the health
club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something
of a Greek god--with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile. WOO Hoo!!
Shristo gave me a tour and showed me the machines-- I
enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted
his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring.
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time
he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TUESDAY.
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out
the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy
iron bar into the air and then he put weights on it.
My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.
I feel GREAT. It;s a whole new life for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WEDNESDAY.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the
toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and
forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club
parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting
that my screams bothered othe club members. His voice
was a little too perky for that early in the morning
and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is
very annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo
put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a
machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by
elevators. Christo told me it would help me get into
shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THURSDAY.
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like
teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back
in a full snarl. I couldn't help being half an hour
late---it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work with dumb-bells. When he was not
looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some
skinny bitch to find me. Then as punishment he put me
on the rowing machine ---- which I sank.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRIDAY.
I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being
has ever hated any other human being in the history of
the world. Stupid,skinny, anemic, anorexic, little
aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him
with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.
I don't have any triceps. And if you don't want any
dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health
and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been
someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
director?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SATURDAY.
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his
grating, shrilly voice wondering why I didn't show up
today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash
the machine with my planner;, however, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SUNDAY.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services
today so I can go and thank God that this week is over.
I will also pray that next year my husband will choose
a gift for me that is fun---like a root canal or a
hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend
over, He would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
<><>
More borrowed from my friend Dave. Thank you Dave.

Number Four Idiot of 2008.
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.

Instead of payment, he sent the police a photograph of $40.
Several days later he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture -- this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy . .. . . But you still get a sign.


Number Five Idiot of 2008.
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in
a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted, behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and "because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed the man was over 21 and he put the
Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that
he got off the license. They arrested the robber 2 hours
later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
<><>
Idiot Number Six of 2008.

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody Move."
When his partner moved, the first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
<><>

Idiot Number Seven of 2008.
Arkansas: It seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided he would throe a cinder block through
the liquor store window and grab some booze and run.

He lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole thing was caught on video-tape.
Yep, here's your sign.
<><>
Idiot number Eight of 2008.
I live in a semi-rural area (Weyauwega, Wisconsin)
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: Too many deer are being hit by cars out here/
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing
anymore.

Stay alert, They walk among us,,,they reproduce and they
vote.
<><>

My good friend Lorraine sent me the next one.
AAADD -- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....
Thank goodness there is a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better, even though I have it.

Recently I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.-
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests itself:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in
the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it
needs washing.

As I head towards the garage, I notice the post on the
porch table that I picked up from the postman earlier.
I decide to go through it, before I wash the car.
I put my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the
recycling box under the table, notice that the recycling
box is full.
So I decide to put the bills back on the table and take
out the recycling paper first.
But then I think, I am going to be near the post box
when I take out the recycling paper anyway. I may as
well pay the bills first. I take my cheque-book out and
notice there is only one cheque left.

My extra cheques are in the desk on my study, so I go
into the house to my desk where I find a cup of coffee
I'd been drinking. I am going to look for my cheques,
but first I need to push the coffee aside so I don't
accidentally knock it over. The coffe is getting cold,
so I decide to make another cup.

As I head toward the kitchen with the cold coffee, a
vase of flowers on the worktop catches my eye-- the
flowers need water. I put the coffee on the worktop
and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching
for all morning. decide I better put them on my desk,
but first I I'm going to water the flowers.

I put the glasses back down on the worktop, fill a
container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote

control. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be
looking for the remote, but I won't remember it is on
the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it
belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it
spills on the floor. So I put the remote back on the
table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head
down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed
The bills aren't paid
There is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the kitchen work-bench
The flowers don't have enough water.
There is still only one cheque in my cheque book.
I can't find the remote
I can't find my glasses
And I don't remember what I did with the car keys
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done
today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy
all bloody day and I'm really tired.

I realise this is a serious problem, and I'll try to
get some help for it, but first I'd better check my
e mail . . . . ..
Do me a favour -- forward this message to everyone you
know. Because I can't remember who the hell I sent it to.

Don't laugh - if this is not you yet, your day is coming.
<><>

Well I have been sitting too long so must close this post
now - I hope you found a laugh or two my friends.
Look after yourselves and each other and be happy.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 777 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 15th April, 2012.
<><><>

8 comments:

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ I am glad you have antibiotics for that ear. For sure we need all the hearing we can get. My hearing is pretty bad and I also have s nsil growing into the side of my toe. I dug down and cut and pulled it out but now that it is growing back it hurts.

Love the Idiot Signs. Crooks always and am glad you found a semi-rural guy who is trying to save the deer.

The Bryan Anderson story was a quicky help story. I couldn't figure how you could end it, just seemed it would go and go but it didn't.

Cheers from London (Paris Saturday and Sunday--Karen finished her 26 mile race there in Paris),
..
Karen's Blog with run finish pictures today.
..

Theanne said...

Happy you're still feeling good Merle...the jokes were fantastic...loved them all...bad guys (crooks) can be so stupid! Don used to like to watch "COPS"...some of the stupid things crooks did was amazing...helpful for the cops though!

Love and hugs, Theanne

Beth E. said...

Merle, I'm sorry to hear about your strep and the ingrown toenail. I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better, though, even with those things going on!

Thank you for the jokes. Even without them, though, seeing a post from you always brings a smile to my face. :-)

Love you...

Dave said...

Great post as always Merle... lots of good funnies! *S*

Also glad to hear you're feeling better, except for the strep which I hope you're over now.

Granny Annie said...

It was wonderful to begin reading your post and learn that you are feeling so well. Huzzah! As for the ingrown toenail, there is nothing more painful. Glad you are getting it taken care of.

This entire week has been an "AAADD" week for me. Enjoyed all the jokes as usual and the touching story about Bryan Anderson.

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Glad to hear the medicine has helped, nothing like ear aches to ruin ones spirit, of course I am speaking of my experiences. Ever since my right big toe was smashed with a tapping pole, I have had in grown toe nail problems. I find if you cut the nail straight across and not curve the edges, they are less prone to grown inwards. Thanks for sharing my merger gym story and the Here your signs were great. The thief who wanted the Scotch would make a great comedy routine. LOL
Until I read again, here is wishing you ENOUGH. LOVE AND PEACE.

Big Dave T said...

Hea, a story about Michigan, my home state. Yeah, there's some pretty stupid people here. Chloraseptic throat lozenges work pretty good for a sore throat. I have some here at work.

I liked the jokes, and the inspirational story.

audrey` said...

The Bryan Anderson story is very encouraging :)