Thursday, January 11, 2007

Just Helping.

Post 109 - - - - - Thursday, 11 th January, 2007.

Hi Everyone ~~ I trust you are all doing well and are quite a bit cooler than I am. As promised we have had a VERY hot day here today and the temperature went to 40.5 C. Too hot. So what did I do? I cooked a chicken in the microwave, roasted some potatoes, pumpkin and onions, and also did some beans, cauliflower, carrots and tomato and onion cooked together.
So at least I have plenty of meals cooked, and can take a break from cooking for awhile.
I think it is better to do something, than just sit and say how hot it is. But I have had it now !

Now to find something to post - - - From the Friendship Book by Francis Gay.

This is the story of a minister, although in a hurry himself, stopped his car to give a lift to two men going his way. To make up for the delay, he increased speed. Only he forgot to slow down going through a town, and was caught speeding.

Very much worried, he felt ashamed that he, a minister, should be reported for breaking the law. But when he set the two men down, they said, " Don't worry Reverend, about being
caught speeding. You see, we 're just out of prison. We're pickpockets and we pinched the
policeman's note-book. You'll hear no more of the charge.

Dishonest? Certainly. But they were doing their best to help !!

<><><><> Joke time - - -

One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old tired looking dog
wandered into the yard.

I could tell by his collar and well fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later,
he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his place in the hall and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to
his collar. "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar. "He lives in a home with
ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep.

<><><>

How to clean a cat. - - -

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo.
3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (you may have to
stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.)

CAUTION : Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be
reaching out for anything he can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between
the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely, The Dog. Please no comments from cat lovers, I didn't write that. M.
<><><>

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.

Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey, Is dat you? Come over here a minute.

The famous surgeon , a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind them, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten.
So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me is doing basically the same work?"

Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic.
"Try to do it with the engine running !!"

<><><>

After the Great Britain Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's
best, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the king of them all. Give me a Budweiser.
The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, " I'd like the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water.
Give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" The Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking
beer, neither would I."

<><><>

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service.his cousin asked him, "How
many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen, " the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. How do you know that?"

"Easy," said the little boy. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said;
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

<><><><>

A boy had reaced four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his
mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning, and by painting it with lemon juice.

Finally she made threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb,
your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four year old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying.
"Uh-oh - - - I know what you've been doing."

<><><>
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool?
A. From ugly sheep.

<><><>

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family. -- Anthony Brandt.

Even a family tree has to have some sap.

Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and only half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am. --- Rebecca Richards.

Matrimony is the only game of chance the clergy favours. - - Emily Ferguson Murphy.

Bye for now folks, Take care and tell someone you love them and mean it. Cheers, Merle.

Post 109 - - - - - Thursday, 11 th January, 2007.




21 comments:

UKBob said...

Hi Merle, Its 9C but feels like 1C with the wind chill, the wind is blowing at 40 KPH at the moment with heavy showers.

Reading about all that stuff you cooked has made me feel hungry! I like how you cook what I call proper food.

Anyway take care and stay cool, Bob.

Pamela said...

Merle, Some really great ones today! I just loved "try doing it with the engine running"...makes sense to me! lol The beer joke was great too!

I sure hope you all get the much needed rain you need. Wonderful that you did so much cooking as it will also serve to keep your house cooler! Enjoy your day! :)

Judy said...

It must be a problem with my computer, but your post is all something like whingdings...I don't know if it will show up here or not: Post 109 - - - - - Thursday, 11 th January, 2007.
Ahhh... never mind, it shows up like real words here. Let me go and decodify this :-) It's like a puzzle! I love puzzles.

Tracie said...

judy your not alone.....and l now feel relieved as l couldn't make head nor tail of Merles blog today!!
Sorry Merle l feel quite dissappionted now!
hopefully the gremlin will disappear for my next visit.
from tracie.

bornfool said...

Whew! I'm glad someone else couldn't read the post, its all symbols. I thought it was in code. :)

PEA said...

Dearest Merle...I still say microwaves were the best invention ever!!! lol They certainly are great to cook in when it's too hot to have the oven on. Oh dear, I can't get over how hot it is your way...over here, tomorrow it will be 2c and by evening it will go down to -21c!!! That's what you call a drop in temperature! Sheesh! Loved your whole post once again, reading your jokes, quotes, stories, etc, always make my day:-) Hugs xoxo

Kila said...

It's all in code for me too. But I'm sure it's terrific :)

Michelle said...

Yikes Merle!! Aliens have taken over your blog! It's very pretty though :o)

Leann said...

Hi merle.love the jokes.have a good night.and hope its not so hot for you tomorow.may a cool brezze blow your way.I cant take the heat eather.God bless you.

Carolanne said...

Hey Merle,
It wasn't that hot here yesterday - only 30 c! That is the best temperature with a cool sea breeze with it. We had fish n' chips on the beach.
Next Monday and Tuesday are meant to be hotter though.

Raggedy said...

My daughter assaulted your computer.
Your whole post is the cutest little icons and they are all in different colors.
I love it!
It's Picasso!

Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Raggedy said...

Oh my goodness! If I copy and paste it, it comes out as words..
THIS IS WAY COOL!
I feel like I have the secret code and we are on a secret operation.
Merle code
hugssssssss

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hey Merle, have you got the code to decipher your post?? It's come out in wingdings or something.

Looks pretty good, though, even if I can't understand it, lol!

Raggedy said...

Awesome post!
If you copy and paste in word then change from windings to any font then you can decipher..WTG!

I am loving it.
I need to find a cat to clean the toilet..tee hee

Janice said...

All I saw of your post was wierd little icons, did you mean to do that?

Meow said...

Ummmm, Merle ... hate to tell you this (although many already have!!), but your post is all in Wingdings Font ... can't read it !!
I'm sure it is full of fun, great stuff, though.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Take care, Meow xx

Jeanette said...

Dearest Merle
Sorry to repeat what others have said but i cant read it either. all in code.was A hot day yesterday hottest in the state 43c.
Take care keep cool. Jan(((hugs)))

Granny said...

We've dropped down to around 6 or 7 C early mornings. Brrr.

They were even talking about possible snow flurries. I can look out and see the snow caps on Yosemite and that's as close as I want to come to snow, thanks.

Send me some of your warm please.

Gattina said...

It must be quite a while I haven't been here ! How awful ! I tried to get all my favourites back when cat Lisa had peed on my PC but probably I missed you and with all these holidays ... I love your "Egyptian hyroglyphes ! (Just back from Holidays in Egypt) I am jalous lol ! that is real funny to see. There are even a palm tree, an ambulance, the aids sign and an ombrella in ! How the heck did you do that ? I still have to laugh, what you probably didn't!

Tammy said...

I can't help it...I think this is your most hillarious joke yet...LMBO!!!
:-D

DellaB said...

Me too - I see the funny side (of the wingdings)- they do look kinda pretty though.

I'd love to know what caused it, and why some see them, and others don't...

Hi Merle,
Della