Friday, August 17, 2007

Heaven and Hell.

Post 289 - - - - - Friday, 17th August, 2007.

Hello My Friends ~~ The end of another week here in Australia; they
sure do come around quickly. I hope all is well with everyone and the
weather is being kinder and easier to take. Some are too hot and some
too cold, and a lot of us desperate for rain. It seems we are never
satisfied. Has been a reasonable day here, and I made a heap of fried
rice today, some to eat and some for the freezer. Sometimes I think my
small freezer has elastic sides - - with what I fit in to it.

Tonight's photos were taken at a friend's house last year. The first
three are of their kitchen tiles which I loved. Hi Ann and Keith.

I loved this map of Australia which is made of corrugated iron - like they use
for roof material. And the message on it is great. Enlarge to read it.

The first item tonight was sent to me by our blogging friend Jim and is an
interesting one I thought. Thanks Jim.

A holy man was having

A conversation with the Lord one day and said,
Lord, I would like to know what Heaven And Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy
Man to two doors. He opened one of the doors
And the holy man looked in. In the
Middle of the room was a large round Table.
In the middle of the table was a large Pot of stew which smelled
Delicious and made the holy man's mouth Water.
The people sitting around
The table were thin and sickly. They Appeared to be famished. They were Holding spoons with very long handles
That were strapped to their arms
and Each found it impossible to reach Into the pot of stew and take a spoonful,
But because the handle was
Longer than their arms, they could
Not get the spoons back into their Mouths.
The holy man shuddered
At the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, "You
Have seen Hell."

They went to the next
Room and opened the door.
It was exactly the
Same as the first one. There
Was the large round table with the large Pot of stew which made the holy man's Mouth water. The people were Equipped with the same long-handled Spoons, but here the people were
Well nourished and plump,
laughing And talking.

The holy man said, "I

Don't understand."
It is simple" said The Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see,
They have learned to feed each other,
While the greedy think only of Themselves."

Now for some jokes - - because that would be No joke !!

It was one of the strangest looking dogs they had ever seen at the pub,
and the regulars found it a great topic of conversation.

Eventually, one of them sidled over to the dog's owner and said, "That's
a stupid looking dog you've got there. Can he fight?"

"Sure ," replied the owner.
"Well," said the man, "I bet you $20 that my labrador can beat your dog."

The owner accepted the bet and the labrador was led in to fight. After
twenty-two seconds the labrador lay dead on the floor. The loser, looking
down at his dead dog, shook his head sadly and said, "Your dog can
certainly fight. But I still think it's a funny looking dog."

"Yes," agreed the owner. "And it looked even funnier until I shaved
it's mane off."

Some More Book Titles - - - -

Singing Between Tenor and Bass by Barry Tone.
Uncertainty by R. U. Shore.
Outsize Clothes by L. E.. Fant.
Carpet Fitting for All by Walter Wall.
Very Old Furniture by Anne Teak.
Want a Kiss? by Miss L Toh.
Lucky Numbers by Lottie Reese.
A Treat for a Sly Cat by Ken Airy.
Motorway Chaos by Laurie Jack Nife.
How to Win by Vic Tree.
Court Witness by Tel d' Truffe.

How many Civil Servants does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty-two ten to form a committee, five to form a sub -
committee, three to form a working party, two to hold the
ladder, one to put in the bulb and one to write the report.

Doctor : "Miss Smith, you have acute appendicitis."

Miss Smith : "I came here to be examined - - not admired."

A tramp walked into a pub and asked for a pint of beer. The
landlord had just drawn it, when the tramp said that he had
changed his mind and could he have some bread and cheese
instead. The publican kindly obliged him but when it came to
payment, the tramp said that he really didn't owe anything as
he had had the bread and cheese in exchange for the beer, which
he hadn't drunk.

The landlord realized that he had been "had" but said to the tramp:
"Look, here is a pound. Go across the road to the other pub and
play the same trick there."

The tramp pocketed the money but when he got to the door he
said, "I think I should tell you that I've already been to the other
pub and the landlord there gave me $5 to come across to you !!"

Mr and Mrs Smith, a childless couple, had been married for
fifty years. They had always had plenty of friends and so did not
fret about never having children.

The Golden Wedding Anniversary celebrations had been very
successful and so a slightly drunk Mr and Mrs Smith who went
to bed after the guests had all left.

In bed Mrs Smith said, " You know all this festivity brings back
memories of our wedding."
"And our honeymoon," said Mr. Smith.

"Yes. It was a pity we were both so young and inexperienced
then. Sixteen was really too young to get married in those days.
Of course, young people today know far more about the facts of
life than we ever did when we first got married."

"I know dear," replied Mr Smith. "Young people today wouldn't
have had the same difficulties we had on our wedding night."

"Darling," said Mrs Smith, "would you like to try again ?"

And to finish a few quotes - - - -

An old man loved is winter with flowers. - - German proverb.

A hospital is a place where the staff have more complaints than
the patients. - - - P. K. Shaw.

It is better to live rich than to die rich. - - - Samuel Johnson.

We do not necessarily improve with age; for better or worse
we become more like ourselves. - - - Peter Hall.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
- - - Kin Hubbard.

Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money,
power and influence. - - - Henry Chester.

Well that is it for tonight folks. Have a great weekend and have
a happy life. Be kind to each other. Love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 289 - - - - - Friday, 17th August, 2007.


Lee-ann said...

Merle what a great fun packed post of yours tonight and I love the tiles too I can understand why you do as well very nice but the corrigated iron art is just lovely and very aussie.

Now Merle I have a questions and I think you did well I hope you did as I am looking for a post on a particular joke it is was a sheep farmer I think and a city fella who wanted a sheep.......anyway the punch line was give me back my dog (it was in the boot of the car) was that one of your jokes? I was to copy it and take it to a special event that the joke would be well received by all but for the life of me I cannot find it...hope you can help.

Always, ALWAYS! lovely to visit you again.

Lady Di Tn said...

Thanks for your comments on my blog. Again another good post.
Have a great weekend.
love and prayers

HORIZON said...

Hiya Merle.
Smashing pic of you with the laptop below!!
Thank you so much for the Nice Matters Award - it was a lovely surprise when l checked in my blog yesterday. l need to find time to blog again and visit with friends- l miss checking in here for a giggle. These past weeks here have flown by as l've been so busy.
Hope you've been keeping well and the weather has settled a bit for you there.
Loved the book titles post. My husband and l play that game with the older kids so now you've given me some new ones to bring out-lol. The kids will think l've grown a brain overnight!
Hugs and bests and thanks again dear friend.xx

T*mmy said...

The tiles are awesome and so is the tin of Australia...WOW!!
I had a good chuckle at Mrs. Smiths acute appendicitis!!!

JunieRose2005 said...

~~~Doctor : "Miss Smith, you have acute appendicitis."

Miss Smith : "I came here to be examined - - not admired."~~~

;) That's very funny!! I enjoyed all of your post. Those tiles are interesting and I just love that map-hanging of Australia! A very creative idea someone had!


Alice said...

You obviously have the same sort of weeks as us, Merle - more Fridays in it than anything else. It always seems to be Friday here and we wonder where the week went to.

The rain is very fickle, isn't it? We have enough to keep the garden moist but not enough to do much for the water storages. Unless we get good Spring rains, I worry about the coming summer.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Jim provided a rather good story.

Lee said...

Good posts, Merle...this and the previous one. I don't know where the days and weeks go to. All I know this one has flown by and I'm trying to catch up with everyone's blogs! I'm way behind the eight-ball!

Have a wonderful weekend...and take good care. :)

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle.I dont know were this weeks gone, it just dissappeared.I always liked those tiles and the map of Australia in keith and Annes kitchen.They had afew pieces of Australiana scattered through out there property. Good jokes.I like "Mrs Smith" and good book titles, and quotes..
Merle, Thank you for your kind words on My Brothers passing, much appreciated,, take care love Jan...

Puss-in-Boots said...

Those were interesting book titles, Merle. I must track them down in the library :-)

I love your jokes because there is always something that makes me laugh and I love laughing. Thank you.

That saying about some people paying a compliment as if they expected a receipt is so true. I've come across people like that and I get the impression their compliment isn't sincere and they're trying to score Brownie points.

Anyway, keep well and enjoy your weekend, Merle. xoxo

Val said...

I too love the map of Australia made from corrugated iron. That gives me an idea to decorate a book cover with an Aussie map cut from corrugated paper. Somewhere there must be a large craft punch in the shape of the Aussie map.

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

How are you, my friend?

I didn't drop by this week.
Hope everything is fine =)

Take care.
(((HUGS))) and love <3

Vickie said...

I love the tiles and the map of Australia made from tin---just beautiful.

Thank you for always sharing so much---you please everyone who comes here. Also thank you for the award you so graciously presented me with.

I will be working on my post to share it very soon.

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
Those tiles are so colorful :)
Loved the 50th anniversary joke.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend :)