Heaven and Hell.

Post 289 - - - - - Friday, 17th August, 2007.

Hello My Friends ~~ The end of another week here in Australia; they
sure do come around quickly. I hope all is well with everyone and the
weather is being kinder and easier to take. Some are too hot and some
too cold, and a lot of us desperate for rain. It seems we are never
satisfied. Has been a reasonable day here, and I made a heap of fried
rice today, some to eat and some for the freezer. Sometimes I think my
small freezer has elastic sides - - with what I fit in to it.

Tonight's photos were taken at a friend's house last year. The first
three are of their kitchen tiles which I loved. Hi Ann and Keith.








I loved this map of Australia which is made of corrugated iron - like they use
for roof material. And the message on it is great. Enlarge to read it.

The first item tonight was sent to me by our blogging friend Jim and is an
interesting one I thought. Thanks Jim.

A holy man was having

A conversation with the Lord one day and said,
Lord, I would like to know what Heaven And Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy
Man to two doors. He opened one of the doors
And the holy man looked in. In the
Middle of the room was a large round Table.
In the middle of the table was a large Pot of stew which smelled
Delicious and made the holy man's mouth Water.
The people sitting around
The table were thin and sickly. They Appeared to be famished. They were Holding spoons with very long handles
That were strapped to their arms
and Each found it impossible to reach Into the pot of stew and take a spoonful,
But because the handle was
Longer than their arms, they could
Not get the spoons back into their Mouths.
The holy man shuddered
At the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, "You
Have seen Hell."

They went to the next
Room and opened the door.
It was exactly the
Same as the first one. There
Was the large round table with the large Pot of stew which made the holy man's Mouth water. The people were Equipped with the same long-handled Spoons, but here the people were
Well nourished and plump,
laughing And talking.

The holy man said, "I

Don't understand."
It is simple" said The Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see,
They have learned to feed each other,
While the greedy think only of Themselves."

Now for some jokes - - because that would be No joke !!

It was one of the strangest looking dogs they had ever seen at the pub,
and the regulars found it a great topic of conversation.

Eventually, one of them sidled over to the dog's owner and said, "That's
a stupid looking dog you've got there. Can he fight?"

"Sure ," replied the owner.
"Well," said the man, "I bet you $20 that my labrador can beat your dog."

The owner accepted the bet and the labrador was led in to fight. After
twenty-two seconds the labrador lay dead on the floor. The loser, looking
down at his dead dog, shook his head sadly and said, "Your dog can
certainly fight. But I still think it's a funny looking dog."

"Yes," agreed the owner. "And it looked even funnier until I shaved
it's mane off."
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Some More Book Titles - - - -

Singing Between Tenor and Bass by Barry Tone.
Uncertainty by R. U. Shore.
Outsize Clothes by L. E.. Fant.
Carpet Fitting for All by Walter Wall.
Very Old Furniture by Anne Teak.
Want a Kiss? by Miss L Toh.
Lucky Numbers by Lottie Reese.
A Treat for a Sly Cat by Ken Airy.
Motorway Chaos by Laurie Jack Nife.
How to Win by Vic Tree.
Court Witness by Tel d' Truffe.
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How many Civil Servants does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty-two ten to form a committee, five to form a sub -
committee, three to form a working party, two to hold the
ladder, one to put in the bulb and one to write the report.
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Doctor : "Miss Smith, you have acute appendicitis."

Miss Smith : "I came here to be examined - - not admired."
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A tramp walked into a pub and asked for a pint of beer. The
landlord had just drawn it, when the tramp said that he had
changed his mind and could he have some bread and cheese
instead. The publican kindly obliged him but when it came to
payment, the tramp said that he really didn't owe anything as
he had had the bread and cheese in exchange for the beer, which
he hadn't drunk.

The landlord realized that he had been "had" but said to the tramp:
"Look, here is a pound. Go across the road to the other pub and
play the same trick there."

The tramp pocketed the money but when he got to the door he
said, "I think I should tell you that I've already been to the other
pub and the landlord there gave me $5 to come across to you !!"
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Mr and Mrs Smith, a childless couple, had been married for
fifty years. They had always had plenty of friends and so did not
fret about never having children.

The Golden Wedding Anniversary celebrations had been very
successful and so a slightly drunk Mr and Mrs Smith who went
to bed after the guests had all left.

In bed Mrs Smith said, " You know all this festivity brings back
memories of our wedding."
"And our honeymoon," said Mr. Smith.

"Yes. It was a pity we were both so young and inexperienced
then. Sixteen was really too young to get married in those days.
Of course, young people today know far more about the facts of
life than we ever did when we first got married."

"I know dear," replied Mr Smith. "Young people today wouldn't
have had the same difficulties we had on our wedding night."

"Darling," said Mrs Smith, "would you like to try again ?"
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And to finish a few quotes - - - -

An old man loved is winter with flowers. - - German proverb.

A hospital is a place where the staff have more complaints than
the patients. - - - P. K. Shaw.

It is better to live rich than to die rich. - - - Samuel Johnson.

We do not necessarily improve with age; for better or worse
we become more like ourselves. - - - Peter Hall.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
- - - Kin Hubbard.

Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money,
power and influence. - - - Henry Chester.

Well that is it for tonight folks. Have a great weekend and have
a happy life. Be kind to each other. Love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 289 - - - - - Friday, 17th August, 2007.
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