Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Bishop's Candlesticks.

Post 335 - - - - - Wednesday, 10th October, 2007.

Hello My Friends ~~ I hope you are all having a good week with
no major problems. All is well with me, and the day has been a
nice one. My new lawn-mower man came and cut the lawns, so
we are tidy inside and out !! The Wisteria still looks nice, but it
drops blossoms all over the path and garden. I try hard to not
walk any inside, and keep sweeping them up. On a brighter
note, I have been enjoying lots of Broad beans from my garden.

My dear blogging friend Susie is having her birthday on the 10th
so won't you join with me in wishing her a wonderful birthday.
For those who haven't visited her blog, you are in for a treat, as
she writes great stories about her family and her life. Hope you
have a great day Sus
. Happy Birthday Sue and Many More !!

Couple of photos tonight from Helen's garden, which is very
beautiful and she has flowers and blooms in every possible
inch of space and does it all herself and she is my age.


A little corner of her back yard.



Another view of her wonderful native orchid showing more garden.
The 15 year old King Orchid, also known as a Rock Lily has 75 spikes.

Tonight I have a story I copied from Sometimes Saintly Nick's
blog. I liked the story and hope you do too, and that Nick won't mind.
It is called "The Bishop's Candlesticks" and is from "Les Miserables"
by Victor Hugo.

The protagonist, Jean Valjean, after being imprisoned for about
20 years for stealing bread to feed his family, is released but, as
an ex convict, can find no work and is himself on the verge of
starvation when he comes upon the residence of a bishop and
seeks food from the Bishop's servants.

The Bishop himself invites Valjean into his home and provides
his hospitality of dinner at his own table and a bed for the night.
When it comes time to retire, the bishop sends Valjean up to his
room with one of two very expensive silver candlesticks that
grace the bishop's dining table to light his way.

The following morning the servants of the Bishop awaken him
with the revelation that not only had their guest departed before
breakfast, but he had taken the costly candlestick with him.

Later the same morning the police arrive at the Bishop's residence
with Valjean in custody and inform the bishop that they found the
ex-con in possession of the candlestick that was recognized as
belonging to the bishop. They ask the bishop to identify the candle-
stick so they may charge Valjean with the theft.

The Bishop speaks directly to Valjean rather than the police. Says he
is sorry that he, his guest departed before sharing a fine breakfast
with the Bishop, and then handed Valjean the mate to the candlestick
he had stolen, saying, "You forgot this, my friend, I gave you both
candlesticks. What good is one without the other ?"

The police release Valjean, who at that moment is changed forever
by the Bishop's action. He leaves with both candlesticks, walks to a
nearby town, sells them, and using the proceeds, becomes a wealthy
factory owner, known for his honesty, and just dealings who
eventually becomes mayor of the town.
<><><>

First joke tonight was sent to me by my friend Robyn. Thank you!!

Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life, Is
this true ?

A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. . .Don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding
up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you
can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer ? Take a nap !!
*****
Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables ?

A. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat ?
Hay and corn. And what are these ? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
to your system. Need grain ? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can
give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
products.
*****
Q. Should I reduce my alcohol intake ?

A. No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit, Brandy is distilled
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit, so you
get even more of the goodness that way. Beer . . is also made out of
grain. Bottoms up !
*****
Q. How can I calculate my body/fat rate ?

A. Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have 2 bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
*****
Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program ?

A. Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is :
No Pain . . . .Good !
*****
Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you ?

A. YOU'RE NOT LISTENING !! . . . Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you ?
*****
Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle ?

A. Definitely not ! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only do sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
*****
Q. Is chocolate bad for me ?

A. Are you crazy ? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable !!
It's the best feel-good food around !!
******
Q. Is swimming good for your figure ?

A. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
*****
Q. Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle ?

A. Hey ! Round is a shape !!
*****
Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets.

And remember :
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WOO HOO, What a ride !!"
<><>

Some more of Medical Terminology a la Blonde - - -

Pap smear - - - - - - - Fatherhood test.
Pelvis - - - - - - -- Cousin of Elvis.
Post operative - - - - Letter carrier.
Protein - - - - - - Favoring young people.
Rectum - - - - - - Damn near killed 'em.
Recovery room - - - - Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - - - - - - Amorous.
Secretion - - - - - Hiding anything.
Seizure - - - - - - Roman Emperor.
Tablet - - - - - - Small table.
Terminal illness - - - Sickness at airport.
Urine - - - - - Opposite of you're out.
Varicose - - - - - - Located nearby.
Vein - - - - - - Conceited.
<><><>

One day the US President's wife died and went to Heaven.
When she got there she was met by St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates.

She saw lots of clocks, all moving at different speeds. She asked
St Peter about them.

He replied, "They are lie clocks and the hands tick every time
a person lies."
She saw one that had only moved twice and St Peter told her
that it was Mother Theresa's clock. Then she saw one that had
moved eight times. St Peter told her it was George Washington's
clock.

Then she asked "Where's George's clock ?" to which St Peter
replied, "It's in my office. I use it as a ceiling fan !!"
<><>

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning
him. "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going
the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful."

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them.
<><>
I knew a blonde who was so stupid that - - -

She called me to get my phone number.

She put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make
up her mind.

She tried to drown a fish.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

She missed the 44 bus, so she took the
22 bus twice instead.
<><>

A few quotes - - -

Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone
about you, and you will be surprised what a happy life you
will lead. - - - Charles M. Schwab.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or
consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living
every minute with love, grace and gratitude, - Denis Waitley.

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are
loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of
ourselves. - - - Victor Hugo.

Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting
what you have. - - - - Unknown.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an
optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. \- - -
- - - Sir Winston Churchill.

Bye for now folks. Enjoy the rest of the week and
your lives. Be kind to each other. Take care.
Love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 335 - - - - Wednesday, 10th October, 2007.
<><><>


17 comments:

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
After I get Mimi back from hair day and have a few mins. this afternoon, I will visit Susie blog and read your jokes and story.

Still waiting for Lee to harness time so I can buy some extra from her. ha ha

Glad all is clean and refreshing at your home inside and out. Love the photo.

Peace be with you my dear sweet tater.

Gledwood said...

ceiling fan!

I like that!!

Gledwood said...

Thanks for your messages by the way, Merle; I do appreciate your support ;->...

PEA said...

Hello dear Merle:-)

Guess what I received today...your parcel!!! I don't want to open it until my birthday, though! lol But thank you so very much in advance, you really didn't have to send me anything, especially when I saw how much you had to pay in postage...OUCH! I would have been happy with just a card:-) I'm sure I'll love whatever you sent me though!!!

Helen's flowers are beautiful and that orchid is just amazing, I've never seen anything like it!!

Loved your post...I so enjoyed the Medical Terminology a la Blonde...LOL Now that was funny!!

Take care of yourself dear friend and thank you once again! xoxo

Renie Burghardt said...

Hello Merle,

Oh, haven't heard the Bishop's Candlesticks in a long time. And what beautiful pictures!

Love the misconceptions about food and diet. They make sense, don't they? Hehe. All the jokes are fun and funny. Love the quotes! Always a pleasure to visit with you, dear Merle. Take care and have a wonderful day!

Warmest regards,

Renie

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ I just loved the photo of wonderful native orchid. VERY PRETTY! Have a GREAT weekend! ~ jb///

T*mmy said...

So nice to see your lovely flowers and want to say I'm so sorry it's been so long between visits!

Thanks for this quote:
"Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting
what you have." Unknown.

Have a wonderful day!

Jim said...

Good on the blonde jokes! And Happy Birthday, friend, Susie!

Robyn's fitness hints are great too!
..

Mountain Mama said...

Your friends garden looks gorgeous and the King's Orchid is just lovely. I sure wish we could grow them here.
I love the jokes Merle. I copied one and pasted it into an e-mail for my grandson in Maryland.
Hope you have a great week-end.
Love & hugs.

JunieRose2005 said...

Thanks Merle, for another entertaining post.


Take care,


June

T*mmy said...

Dear Merle...I have a really good "blonde" joke I would like to send your way...please email me at early_bird79 (at) hotmail (dot) com

Margaret said...

Dear Merle, How great it is to be able to read and comment on your post once more.
Love and best wishes Margaret

Lucy Stern said...

I love Helens garden, it's so pretty. Loved them all Merle, but this is my favorite:

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an
optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. \- - -
- - - Sir Winston Churchill.

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
Thanks so much for the kind words and birthday greetings. I loved reading the Bishop's Candlesticks again. It is a story worth hearing again and again isn't it!
I enjoyed your garden pictures too and of course the jokes!
love and ((hugs))

Gwen said...

Hi Merle great post loved the jokes but then I always do.
Stay well Dear Merle hope to see you soon.xoxo

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle, Loved your photo's especially the native orchid, also the Bishops Candlesticks and great jokes once again..
Still no sign of my computer, but im going to try blog once again from here, take care see you soon,love Jan

audrey` said...

The joke on Interstate 77 is so funny =)