Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Girlie Wisdom.

Post 369 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 21st November, 2007.

Hello Everyone ~ ~ I hope all is well in your world. All OK here, a little
busy. We have been to our last computer course tonight, and learnt
more tonight than in the previous 3 classes. So it was quite good, if I
remember all the things I heard. We take brief notes but "doing" is best.

Tonight I have a couple of pictures of my Fejoa tree, which is loaded
with flowers this year, and should have lots of fruit, which I love.



The tree is only small, the flowers are really nice, and the fruit delicious.


Tonight I will start with some "Girlie Wisdom" that my friend Pauline sent me.
Thanks, see you tomorrow.

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and
forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 1 kg box of chocolates can make a woman gain 3 kgs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you
are doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body
and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

Amazing ! You hang something in your wardrobe for a while and it shrinks
two sizes.

Skinny people irritate me !. Especially when they say things like . . . .
"You know, sometimes I forget to eat !" Now I have forgotten my address,
my mother's maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat !

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills . . . . she
has fourteen kids but she doesn't really care.

My body is not all that communicative but I heard from it the other day
after I said, " Body, how would you like to go th the six o'clock class of
vigorous toning ?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen bitch . . do it and die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and
then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are - - eating too
much; impulse buying; and driving too fast. Are they kidding ? That is my
idea of a perfect day !!
<><><>

My granddaughter, Samantha sent me some age jokes. Thanks Sam.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked,
"How old was your husband ?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So, you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it ?"
<><>

Reporters interviewing a 104 year old woman :
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104 ?"
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
<><>

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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I've sure gotten old !
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts of dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends, But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
<><>

I feel my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and
perspired for an hour.
But by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
<><>

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests.
First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted
her ashes scattered over Coles.
"Coles ? The preacher exclaimed. "Why Coles ?"
"Then I know my daughters will visit me twice a week."
<><>

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
<><>

Know how to prevent sagging ?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
"For fast relief."

The Senility Prayer.
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference!!
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Always Remember This :
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.
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Just a few quotes before I close ~ ~ ~

Live Simply . . . Laugh Often . . . Love Deeply.

The worst bankrupt in the world is the man who has
lost his enthusiasm. ~ ~ ~ H. W. Arnold.

Be kind to your children because they choose your
nursing home.

To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead
of the pencil, you're overdoing it. ~ ~ Josh Jenkins.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good
men to do nothing. ~ ~ ~ Edmund Burke.

That is it for tonight folks, hope to get back tomorrow.
Look after yourselves and each other. Take great care
and spread some smiles around. Love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 369 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 21st November, 2007.
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15 comments:

Gledwood said...

Hi Merle
I'm still a bit down but surviving.
Your flowers are gorgeous though.
Also re the 1kg gaining 3lb which is 1.5kg yes that is a really good point how DOES that happen...???

;->>>...
(my double-chin smileygram)

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle
Yeah! It's so nice to meet you again.
We missed you on Tuesday.
It's ok.
We understand when you're busy.
Please take very good care of yourself, my friend.
(((HUGS)))
Good Night, Merle =)

Patty said...

Glad you enjoyed your computer class. I always had a small notebook with me, and then when I got home, I would type the notes up so I could read them later and have them for reference.

I had never heard of the tree you mentioned, so I looked it up, says it has a small greenish looking plum like fruit. Must be good.

daffy said...

The tree is beautiful! Its filled with flower as you say. I would imagine waking up and seeing that every morning would make you smile!
Oh and I loved the Girlie Wisdom, the very first one had me laughing.
Glad to hear you are enjoying the computer lessons. I should perhaps have some too! ;o)
Take care Merle and thanks for making my vist here so much fun. xxxx

Mary said...

Merle,

Sorry I haven't been over to visit lately. I've really missed your jokes.

Those flowers are fabulous. I've never seen that species before. Thanks for sharing.

Lots of good jokes tonight. I enjoyed the age ones that your granddaughter sent to you.

Enjoyed my visit, as always.

Blessings,
Mary

Mountain Mama said...

I'm glad you learnd so much at the class. I plan to make some calls next week about classes to learn to use powerpoiont and to burn DVD's with photos and music. I sure hope someone can teach me.

Your jokes are funny. Your granddaughter has a good sense of humor.

I am getting ready for Thanksgiving. DId a little baking today and will be with my family tomorrow. Thankfully my part of the dinner is done and I will be able to enjoy the great grandkids tomorrow.

Have a good week end Merle.
Love, Bev

Puss-in-Boots said...

I adore feijoas Merle and they grow so well in New Zealand, people use them as hedges.

Oooh, I can relate to a lot of those age jokes...sigh! Oh well, I least I can laugh at them and in doing so laugh at myself.

Take care xoxo

Jim said...

I know you have a green thumb, Merle. These pretty pictures show your very pretty garden items.
That Samantha is good to you, isn't she?
..

Raggedy said...

G'day Merle,
Congratulations on completing your computer course!
Your tree is gorgeous!
Fantastic post! I really liked that senility prayer and the hide the easter eggs one.
Girlie Wisdom was very good.
Thank you!
Huggles and Love,
Raggedy

Zanne said...

just bought my mum round for a visit. Thanks for the stories, can always rely on you for a laugh.
Have a great day

Karen said...

The photos are beautiful! It's wonderful to see some flowers blooming; it's so dreary here. You made me smile!

I loved the girlie wisdom and the jokes. I'll share some with my mom, she'll get a kick out of them.

Have a wonderful day!
Love & hugs!

wazza said...

Gidday Merle,

What is a Fejoa fruit. I've never heard of it? What does it taste like?
I've been up to Mackay visiting my daughter and grandkids so I'll do a post of this at a later date.
Today I've spent reading blogs, blogs and more blogs catching up to those I've missed and leaving comments, comments and more comments...phew I'm still going.

Hootin' Anni said...

I just KNEW there was a justified reason why I don't want any more children at my age...heck, I forget where I put my glasses half the time, and they're hanging around my neck...I would fear where I'd put my child. LOL

And the blossoms are gorgeous. I be there is a wonderful, sweet fragrance in your yard with all the beauties!!

Hey? I bet I can guess what you had for lunch? Would it be lemon chicken and rice?!!!!

[hehehehehe, I just left Jen's blog. Looks like a great time had by all!!!]

Happy weekend dear Merle.

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Bet you're a computer whizz now that you finishes the classes.

Your Fejoa tree is beautiful, and although I have never heard of it, I'm sure the fruit is delicious.

Love the Girlie wisdom! Typical symptoms of stress cracked me up because it's so true!

Love the jokes, love visiting you, dear Merle. Have a wonderful weekend.

Warm regards,

Renie

d. chedwick bryant said...

That Josh Jenkins Quote-- I actually remember weraing out erasers on my pencils in "Penmanship" class! I think they actually called it
Handwriting Class--but my parents always said Penmanship.