Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Saying Grace in a Restaurant.

Post 398 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 22nd January, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~ How is the world treating you all ? Things
going well for you I hope. All OK here, nice day, and my Care
Lady took me shopping, so I am all stocked up again for the next
couple of weeks. I must admit, I had a sleep in my chair after
putting everything away. I am not as young as I used to be !!

My friend, Hootin' Anni has given me a new award, which was
very kind of her, and Peter put the E for Excellence on my blog.
Thank you Peter. I am not sure I have earned it, but hey, I will
take it. Thanks Anni for your nice words about my blog.

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY FOLKS ~~ Please pop over to wish a
Very Happy Birthday to Bev / Mountain Mama, who has her
special day on the 22nd January. I hope you have a really
wonderful day Bev and many more to come.

The nice story I have for tonight was sent to me by my dear
friend Margaret. Thank you so much Margaret. Enjoy !!

Last week I took my children to a restaurant.
My six year old son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great.
Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if
Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. Liberty and justice for all
Amen."

Along with the laughter from the other nearby customers, I
heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country.
Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice
cream ! Why, I never !"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do
it wrong ? Is God mad at me ?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job,
and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman
approached the table.

He winked at my son and said, I happen to know that God
thought that was a great prayer."
"Really ?" my son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then in a theatrical whisper, he added, (indicating the
woman whose remark had started the whole thing), "Too
bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream
is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought the kids ice cream at the end of the meal.
My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something
that I will remember all my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over
and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told
her,"Here this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul
sometimes; and my soul is good already."

Sometimes we all need some ice cream.
I hope God sends you some Ice Cream today !!
<><><>

Some scary Travel Hints ~~~
Really good hints for inexperienced travelers.

Be very suspicious if the advertised price of
Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo."

Consider carefully before visiting a country where
the license plate motto is Die American Pig.

There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need
to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge
you for an interpreter. (Unless you go to Quebec.)

Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being
issued oars.

Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, two.

Do not ask for directions to a Kosher restaurant when in
Syria.

In South America, say No to anyone wanting you to deliver
a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in
Miami.

If you enjoy beaches and surfing, make Wyoming your
second choice.

Avoid Sudan in the summer. (or winter.)

Buying cut rate first class tickets from a guy near an
airport is not a good idea.

Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military
uniforms.
<><><>

A new monk arrives at the monestery and is assigned to
help the other monks copying the old texts by hand. But
soon he realises that the other monks are copyind from
copies and not from the original manuscripts. He goes
to the Head Monk and points out if there was an error in
the first copy, that error would be continued in all other
copies.

The Head Monk says, "We have been copying from the
copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So the head Monk goes down to the cellar with one of the
copies to check it against the original manuscript. Hours
go by and nobody sees him so the new Monk is sent
downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming
from the back of the cellar and he finds the old Head Monk
leaning over one of the original books crying.

He asks the Head Monk what's wrong and in a choked voice
came the reply . . . "The word is celebrate."
<><>

Two old rugby players are on their last legs and discussing
death and whether they play rugby in heaven or not.

"I'll tell you what Bob, ifI die first, I'll find a way to come
back and tell you if they play rugby in heaven."
"That's a good idea John, I'll tell you what, I'll do the same
if I die first."

Lo and behold, just two weeks later old Bob dies. RIP.
After the funeral, John is in his lounge room, knocking back
a few drops of rum, when suddenlu he hears a voice coming
from the dark behind him. "Don't turn around John, it's me,
Bob. I can only stay a minute and you're not allowed to see me."

John can't believe his ears and bursts out in tears. "Me old
mate Bob. Back from the dead. I can't believe it. I've missed
you so much old mate."

"I have to go John, but I came back to fulfil my promise and
tell you whether they play rugby in heaven," says Bob.
"Well, do they ?" John asks excitedly.

"I have both good and bad news for you old friend, which do
you want first ?"
"Stop screwing around just like you did for 70 years when you
were alive and give me the good news mate," snaps John.

"The good news," starts Bob is they absolutely do play rugby
in heaven. It's the number one sport and there is an
international twice a day."
"That's bloody fantastic," exclaims John, but what's the bad
news?"

"Well, I don't know how to tell you this, John, but . . . There's
a long silence. "But what ?" urges John.
"You have been selected to play next week !!!"
<><>

A construction site boss was interviewing people for a job,
when along came an Italian. I'm not hiring Italians, the
foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test to avoid
hiring the Italian without getting into an argument.

"Here's your first question," the foreman said, "Without
using numbers represent the number nine."
"Widout numbers ?" the Italian says. "Dat is easy," and
proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this ?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain ?" Tree and Tree and Tree makes
nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question,
the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each
tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you
get that to represent 99 ?"
"Each of these trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree and dirty
tree and dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

Thhe boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this
Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but represent the number 100."
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree,
and says, "Ere you go, 100."

The boss looks at the attempt and says, "You must be nuts if
you think that represents a hundred."
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base
of each tree, and says, "A little dog came along and crap by
each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and
a turd and dirty tree and a turd, which makes 100. So when
do I start?"
<><>

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus were stumbling home
from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road
which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over hers," says Paddy, it's Michael O'Grady's
grave, bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," said Sean, here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It
says here he was 95 when he died."

Just then Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to
be 145."
"What's his name ?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see
what was written on the stone marker, and exclaims,
" Miles, from Dublin."
<><>

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother
has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her
brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
"Why are some of your hairs white, Mum ?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said, "Mum, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white ?"
<><>

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th
grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started
writing high up on the blackboard. Suddenly there was a giggle
from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked,
"What's so funny, Pat ?"

"I just saw one of your garters !"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you
for three days."

The teacher turns back to the blackboard. Realising she had
forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top
of the blackboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle
from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What's so funny, Billy ?" "I just saw both your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom. This time the
punishment is more severe. I don't want to see you for 3 weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she
turns around again. So she bends over and picks it up. This
time there is a burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going ?" she asks.
"From what I saw, my school days are over !!"
<><>
Now for a few quotes ~ ~ ~

Medicine is my lawful wife and literature is my mistress.
When I get tired of one I spend the night with the other.
~ ~ ~ Anton Chekhov.

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the
most always like it the least. ~~ Lord Chesterfield.

I recommend to you to take care of the minutes, for
hours will take care of themselves.~ Lord Chesterfield.

I am ready to meet my maker. Whether my maker is
ready for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
~ ~ ~ Sir Winston Churchill.

Every day, in every way, I am getting better and
better. ~ ~ Emile Coue.


Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way
to the grave. ~ ~ ~ Quentin Crisp.

There are only two kinds of government, the scarcely
tolerable and the absolutely unbearable.
~ ~ ~ John Wesley Defoe.

Bye for now my friends, Look after each other and do
something nice for someone. Smile and be happy.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 398 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 22nd January, 2008.
<><><>






15 comments:

Hootin' Anni said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I LOVE this 'ice cream prayer' so much. It had me bawling. What a great lead in for your blog today Merle. Thanks for the visit.

Texas Hugs to you.

Gledwood said...

That was a good post Merle...

... as for sleeping I hope you had a good 40 winks. I suppose sleeping isn't such fun (what memory do we have) but dreaming can be!

I'd like to ask the guy who said the thing about advice: those who most need it don't ask thing ~ yeah but what about those situations where you're desperate for some good advice and ask everywhere and yet still seem to need more ...~?!?

O Merle what I said yesterday I ended up turning over in my head ... Olive. I was TRYING to say what a situation! To get become SO OLD yourself ~ 108 ~ that you lose your OWN SON to OLD AGE! I'm glad Olive seems to have people round her. And you too. They say grey hair is the silver crown of seniority .. it really is not right that so many old people should be left alone and ignored by our societies; I think it is an utter disgrace!

OK sorry rant over!!

I hope the weather is evening out by you it seems to have gone crazy... one extreme to another. And of course first rains after a drought tend to run off the too-dry ground. You need rains in more moderation. Is it true most Australian crops-type farming is done with irrigation? My friends Nicole and Vincent moved from Amsterdam to Adelaide then posted up some pixx of the surrounding countryside... beautiful vineyards etc... but to be honest most of Australia is like what I saw of Morocco when I was there.. VERY dry

also I don't get what those famous sheep and cattle from the "stations" lived on... surely cattle and sheep demand lots of grass to chew?

... sorry for rambling on.

hey: have some stars:

☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆

audrey` said...

Good Morning Merle

Congratulations!!!
You deserve it =)

Patty said...

Good evening Merle, our visit to the dentist went great, we were afraid the highway was going to be treacherous, but by the time we got out there it was pretty much cleared off. It's funny, if you have only 8 teeth, like I do, plus of course my uppers and a partial below, it still cost as much to clean them as if I had 32. Somehow that just doesn't seem right. While we were out, it was around lunchtime, so we stopped at a place called Bob Evans and had lunch, we had a gift certificate from Christmas that we used. So all in all it was a nice outing. Yes restocking the pantry can be tiring. By the time you make your selections, take them to the cashier, take them to the car, unload them when you get home and then put them into the frig, pantry and cupboards, it's tiring. Sleep well my friend.

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
You never fail to entertain me whether it is in the morning or evening. Little Johnny did it again hee hee. Lol at the Italian.
Mummm I think I know some people who need to eat more ice cream.
Peace

JunieRose2005 said...

Merle,


Yep- I loved the ice cream one !

You always find lots of good stuff to post!

Congrats on the award!


Hugs)))


June

Zanne said...

what a happy time i had visiting your place... as usual...
I did enjoy the ice-cream story, I assume the ice-cream was vanilla coz' don't think I could be so generous with my choco chip!
Loved the Italian one, the trouble with SOOOO many good stories is I can't always remember them all when retelling them to my hubby!!! need to keep popping back toverify the story... sorry I don't comment each time!
Have a great day Merle, you deserve all the awards you get
God bless you
Zanne

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

Congratulations on your new award! Of course you deserve it!!! What a sweet story about Saying Grace in a Restaurant. I enjoyed it.
And those travel trips are scary alright, and hilarious! And that Italian guy was pretty smart! LOL.

Good jokes Merle, and great quotes like always. This one is good: Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way
to the grave. ~ ~ ~ Quentin Crisp.

It's cold in my neck of the woods. I'm ready for spring!

Have a wonderful day, dear Merle!

Blessings and Love,

Renie

daffy said...

Hi Merle!
I'm having an off day and even though I'm visiting you when I probably shouldn't, I'm pleased I did. I hope you are ok. After a wet week so far today I see sunshine but I don't think it will last long!
Take care Merle!
xxx

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle, Congratulations on your New award.
love the ice cream story, Ice cream is good for the soul
Sometimes we all need some ice cream. great jokes . the Italian got me tonight HEHEHEHE.
thank for Carols birthday wishes, and our Two Pennant teams had a win against Rutherglen my team 2a played at home and won by 20 shots. 1a went to Rutherglen and had a win,, take care im of to bed im bushed lol, Janxxxx

Pearl said...

Dear Merle,
I absolutely love that story about the boy saying grace and giving his ice cream away. That is just priceless.
Hope that lady learned a good lesson.

Hugs,

Jim said...

All good, Merle! I've already forwarded the ice cream joke a couple of times.

I like your Irish joke best. BTW, in Ireland, that's about as far (145 miles) as you can get from Dublin except the far north.

Cheers,
..

mreddie said...

I too have been known to fall asleep in my chair on occasion - the occasion of my sitting in it. :) Good story about the ice cream and the travel hints were hilarious. ec

UKBob said...

Hi Merle, I hope everything is ok with you. I had to smile when I read about you taking a nap in the chair. I think I must be getting old because I do that all the time. Bob.

Gledwood said...

$800 a year... is that AFTER drinking money..?