Friday, February 08, 2008

Two Days. and Anni's Birthday.

Post 406 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 8th February, 2008.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope you are all doing OK and
not having too torrid a time weatherwise. I am happy
to say we had a nice cool day, only 24 C which is 75F.

I am so very sorry for those affected by the tornadoes
in the southern states of the U.S. So many lives ruined
with the loss of so many lives, and also damage to so
many homes and buildings. My prayers and thoughts
are with them.

We have another birthday tomorrow. Hootin' Anni is
the lucky lady. Please pop over and wish her a happy
day. Have a great day Anni.


I received a lovely e mail yesterday from my friend
Jeanette and it had lovely pictures with it, but the
words were also very nice. Thank you Jan.

Did you know that there are two days in your life
that you can do nothing about ?

One is "yesterday" and the other is "tomorrow."

We can only live in Today.

Today we can ~ ~ ~

Love, Dream, Work, and above all ~ Enjoy.

Have a great day.
<><>

I have seen this wonderful picture in e mails and
on other blogs. I hope you like it too.


Now to find some jokes for you.
First one is from my friend Lady Di and has been
posted before, but it's a funny one. Thanks Di.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called
a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems
with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems;
document their repairs on the form for pilots to review
before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded by maintenance (marked with an M)

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.

P. Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M. Almost replaced inside main tire.

P. Test flight OK, except auto-land
very rough.
M. Au to-lan d not installed on this aircraft.

P. Something loose in cockpit.
M. Something
tightened in cockpit.

P. Dead bugs on windshield.
M. Live bugs on back-order.

P. Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute descent.
M. Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M. Evidence removed.

P. DME volume unbelievably loud.
M. DME volume set to more believable level.

P. Friction locks cause throttle to stick.
M. That's what they're for.

P. IFF inoperative.
M. IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P. Suspected crack in windshield.
M. Suspect you're right.

P. Number 3 engine missing.
M. Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P. Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one.)
M. Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be
serious.

P. Target radar hums.
M. Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P. Mouse in cockpit.
M. Cat installed.

And the best one for last . . .

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M. Took hammer away from midget.
<><>
I sure hope you got a chuckle from that one.

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch
off a tree above a river, his axe fell in the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
"Why are you crying ?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into
the water and he needed his axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared
with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe ?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with a
silver axe. "Is this your axe ?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter said, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an
iron axe. "Is this your axe ?"
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and
gave him all three axes to keep and the woodcutter
went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter and his wife were
walking along the river bank and his wife fell into
the river. When he cried out, the Lord again
appeared and asked why he was crying.

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water.
The Lord went down into the water and came up
with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife ?"

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You died. That is an untruth."

The woodcutter replied "Oh forgive me, my Lord.
It is a misunderstanding. You see if I had said "No" to
Jennifer Lopez, you would have come up with
Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said "No" to her, you
would have come up with my wife. Had I then said "Yes"
you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor
man, and am not able to take care of three wives, so
THAT'S why I said "Yes" to Jennifer Lopez."
<><>

Some friends were sitting at a bar talking about their
professions.
The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know . . .
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent,
Ecologist.

The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K. you know . . . .
Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, "I;m a R.U.B. you know . . . .
Rich Urban Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"
She replies, " I'm A W.I.F.E. you know . . . .
Wash, Iron, F**k Etc.

A second girl answers their question before they even
ask it. "I'm a B.I.T.C.H."
"What exactly is a B.I.T.C.H ?" they ask in unison.

"Babe In Total Control of Herself."
So ladies, next time somebody calls you a "Bitch" ~~
SMILE and say "Thank you."
<><>

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same
female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work
early. One day, one of the girls decided that when the
boss left they would leave right behind her. After all she
never called or came back so how would she know they
went home early.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a
little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went
to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick work-
out at the gym before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise
her husband, but when she got
to her bedroom, she
heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly,
she opened the door and was mortified to see her
husband in bed with her lady boss. Gently, she closed
the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and the
redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the
blonde if she was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught
yesterday."
<><>

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have a problem. I have two female
parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say ?" the priest asked.

"They say, 'Hi, we're hookers. Do you want to
have some fun?' "
"That's obscene." the priest exclaimed.

Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he
said. "I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught
to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots
over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with
Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worhip and your parrots are sure to stop
saying . . . that phrase. . . in no time."

"Thank you," said the woman, "this may well be the
solution."
The next day, she brought the female parrots to the
priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his
two male parrots were inside their cage, holding
rosary beads and praying, Impressed, she walked over
and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in
unison, "Hi, we're hookers, Do you want to have
some fun ?"

There was a stunned silence. Shocked, one male
parrot looked over at the other male parrot, and
exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our
prayers have been answered."
<><>

They took a survey of 10,000 women in Washington
D.C. and asked "Would you have sex with Bill
Clinton.
86 per cent said, "Never again."
<><>

A few quotes as usual ~ ~ ~

A little learning is a dangerous thing. ~ Alexander Pope.

To err is human, to forgive divine. ~~ Alexander Pope.

An honest man's the noblest work of God. ~ Alex. Pope.

Growing old is like being increasingly punished for a
crime you haven't committed. ~ ~ Anthony Powell.

They never taste who always drink;
They always talk who never think. ~ ~ Matthew Prior.
<><>

That's it for tonight . Look after each other and spare
a thought for all those who have lost loved ones and
their homes and dreams. May they be comforted.
Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 496 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 8th February, 2008.
<><><>

15 comments:

Hootin' Anni said...

Merle!!! You most certainly made my day. With your birthday wishes you put a big smile on my face and added a lot of sunshine to my world!! Golly, to think I have a great friend in Shepparton, Vic., Australia sending me birthday greetings!!! I love the internet....and I LOVE you!!!!! Thanks so much.

[ps...the jokes, well you know I love your posts even tho sometimes I just read them and forget to leave comments!!! And the photo of the birds flying?------I've not seen that, but I am gonna share it with everyone I know...a big huge smile] And believe me, you put a smile on my face.

Thanks my friend!!!
Have a terrific evening yourself.

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

I am so glad you're enjoying some pleasant weather!

And today's jokes are some of the funniest ever! Love the "gripe sheet." Good thing they took hammer away from that noisy midget. Haha. Funny about the blond and the female boss, and the parrots whose prayers had been answered. Loved the quotes, especially the Matthew Prior quote. Silence is golden, at times!

I enjoyed my visit as always. Have a wonderful weekend. Will to pop over and wish Hootin'Anni a happy birthday.

Love and good wishes, dear Merle.

Renie

Dave said...

Loved the jokes Merle... *S*

Hope you stop by my place now and again.. have a great weekend!

http://dchamps.blogspot.com

Dave said...

Hi Again Merle,

Thanks for your comment on my blog.
Yes, both Bob and Peter are outstanding people! *S*

I hope you drop by more often, and don't be afraid to say hi in the comments!

Patty said...

Dear Merle, Once again you had some great jokes, in fact I copied the one about the initials used for their professions and sent to my e-mail buddies, think they will get a kick from it. I loved the female boss joke and the blond joke. Also the woodcutter. I've heard that one before, but it was a woman sewing and dropped her thimble in the river, and then when it was her husband, I believe she took George Clooney, because she told the Lord, there was no way she could handle three men. Funny stuff. Hope you had a restful sleep. Have a wonderful week-end. Love, Patty

JunieRose2005 said...

Dear Merle,


:) Some funny jokes here this time!

( Oh, my, that was a close call for that blonde! hahah)


Heartbreaking about the tornados! My thoughts and prayers are with those people!

Merle - your site is looking great- with all the awards etc on the side bar! I can't do that! I always mess up when I try! :( Oh well!


Take care.

hugs))


Junie

Duxbury Ramblers said...

Hi Merle,

Loved the jokes - the parrot one had me chuckling.

Take care.

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Busy week and trying to get caught up. Puppy came home with the same flu bug that had me down a week ago and today I had to take Mimi to the doctor for a routine check up. We have 3 more other doctors to visit this month.
The tornados were bad but it got within six miles of the house and then lifted up over all of Davidson County and then dropped into Sumner county. It might not appear on your news, but a Methodist pastor had spent his day packing up food items for those in need in his county (Macon) and on his way home his van was hit by a Wal Mart truch with supplies for the tornado victims. He, his wife and 2 of his three children were killed. How sad.
Peace be with you.

Diane J. said...

Hi, Merle, and thanks for your concern for me and others in the path of the storms. I'm safe and all of my family and friends, though it did get uncomfortably close a few times.

Hope you're having a good weekend, and take care, my friend. ;o)

Love and hugs,

Diane

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- Again, those were great. I think the Pilot/Mechanic ones were the best but you know I always appreciate the blonde jokes.
Will wish Anni a Happy BDay now.
Cheers,
..

linda may said...

G'Day Merle, Just droppinng by to say hello. Love the gripe sheet joke. I am however notoriously bad at relaying jokes and always mess them up telling them. Lol.

Bimbimbie said...

Hello Merle, looking in on you for the first time - I've seen you over at Gledwood's and just now at LindaMay's so thought it was time I say hello ... love the bird smile photo .... off to read your jokes now *!*

Jon Cox said...

AWESOME post!! :o) I absolutely LOVE the bird photo!! AWESOME jokes! I absolutely love the bar joke! :o) Take care.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

A Happy Birthday to Anni!

I don't know what's going on with the weather here. We are having as much as 40 degrees differences in the highs: warm fronts alternating with cold front, which is the kind of weather than creates tornadoes. We generally only encounter this is the early spring, March and April.

Blessings to you, Merle.

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

Yes, I love the smiling photo that is formed by the 3 birds.
It's so splendid; reflecting our Lord's unique creation.

Take care, my friend =)
Love and blessings to you.