Saturday, March 01, 2008

Keep Singing Michael.

Post 417 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 1st March, 2008.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope all is well with you wherever you
are, as we are heading into March. Tomorrow, my daughter
Julie has a birthday. Hope you have a great day, Julie and I
will ring you tomorrow.

I rang my brother, Peter last night and he is feeling a lot
better thank goodness. Still not 100%, but on the way to it.
It has been a pleasant day again, but will be over 30C tomorrow
which is about 88F and then another couple similar temps.

I have a nice short story tonight called "Keep Singing Michael"
I hope you enjoy it. You may need a tissue !!

Every day since three year old Michael was told he was going to
have a baby sister, he would touch his mommy's tummy and
sing all the songs he knew to the baby.

Tragically, the baby was born in critical condition, and the
doctors said the newborn would not last through the week.
Michael, who was unaware of the crisis, kept insisting he
wanted to see his sister and sing to her. Although children
were not allowed in intensive care, his mother decided to
let Michael see his sister and sing to her before she passed

When the nurse saw Michael in the room, she said, "That
child will have to leave."

Michael's mom responded firmly, "Not until he sings to
his sister."

Michael didn't notice all the wires attached to the tiny
infant. Touching the outside of the plastic crib, he beamed
and began to sing.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
You make me happy, when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away."

Strangely, the baby seemed to respond. Her pulse rate
slowed and her breathing became easier. With tears in her
eyes, the mother said, "Keep singing, Michael, keep
singing." The more Michael sang, the more the baby relaxed.

Soon even the nurse chimed in, "Keep singing Michael, keep

And Michael did. The baby fell into a calm, healing sleep.
Within days, she was well enough to take home.

The first set of jokes came from my friend Lady Di .
"You know you're a redneck when" . . Thanks Di.

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the
same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes
with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard, rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and
they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock care races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized, because your
father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
"Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you have ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000
worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were
on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

This one from my friend Barbara is called The Life Cycle.
Thank you Barbara.

On the first day, God
created the dog and said,

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who
comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of
twenty years."

The dog said, " That's a long time to be barking. How about ten
years and I will give you back the other ten."

On the second day, God created the monkey and said,
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this I
will give you a twenty year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? THat's a
pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten
like the dog did?"

And God sighed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, " You must go
into the field with the farmer all day long, and suffer under the
sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.
For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live
for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give you back the
other forty."

And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat, sleep,
party, marry and enjoy your life. For this I will give you
twenty years."

But man said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave
back, and the ten the dog gave back. that makes eighty, Okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks
to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we
sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information,
I am doing it as a public service.

A sweet young blonde goes to a soft drink machine just
ahead of a business -man who wants to quench his thirst.
She opens her purse and puts in 50 cents, studies the
buttons for a short time, pushes a Diet Coke selection and
out comes a Diep Coke. She puts it on the counter by the

She reaches into her purse and takes out a dollar and inserts
it into the machine. She examines the buttons carefully,
then pushes the button for Coke Classic. Out comes a Coke
Classic and 50 cents change.

She immediately takes the change and puts it in the machine,
studies the buttons for a moment and pushes the Solo button.
Out pops a Solo.

As she is reaching into her purse again, the thirsty business-
man says, "Excuse me miss, but why are you putting more
money in?"

She looks at him and replies, indignantly, "Well, duhhh. I am
still winning !!"

A talking frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He sees right away from her window name-plate that her
name is Patricia Whack. (He can read too.)

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief. In staying with the bank
policy, she kindly asks his name.

The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, adds the fact that his
dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK to give him a loan
because he knows the bank manager personally.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collaterol. The frog says, "Sure, no problem. I have this,"
and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch
tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult the
manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog at my window
who says his name is Kermit Jagger, he claims to know you and
his dad is Mick Jagger, and he wants to borrow $30,000 AND
he wants to use this as collaterol."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant, "I mean, what in the world
is this thing ?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack,
Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to
open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin
and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down, sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around
the room and sees it is in perfect order. So is the rest of the

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey,
breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you."
He goes to the kitchen and sure enough, a hot breakfast and the
newspaper awaits him. His son is also at the table, eating.
The manasked, Son, what happened last night ?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk, and
delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hall-way,
gave yourself a black eye when you walked into a door."

Confused, the man asks, "So why is everything in order and also
clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me ?"

His son replies, "Oh that ? Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
when she tried to take your pants off you shouted, "Hey lady,
get your hands off me ! I'm MARRIED."

John was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down
for a little fire-side chat.

He says, "John, let me tell you something. On my wedding night
in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, and handed them
to your mother and said, "Here, try these on." So she did and
said, "These are too big, I can't wear them." So I replied,
"Exactly ~ I wear the pants in this family and I always will."
Ever since that night, we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," says John. He thinks that might be a good thing to
try. So on his honeymoon, John takes off his trousers and says
to Jill,
"Here try these on."

So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me."
So John says, :Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I
always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to John, and says,
"Here, you try mine on." So he does and says, "I can't get into
your pants."
Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude,
you never will !!"

Now for a few quotes ~ ~ ~

If you can't change your fate,
Change your attitude. ~ ~ ~ Amy Tan.

If you talk to God you are praying. If God talks to you
You have schizophrenia,
~ ~ ~ Thomas Szasz.

Death leaves a heart-ache no-one can heal.
Love leaves a memory no-one can steal.

Some of my best leading men have been horses and dogs.
~ ~ ~ Elizabeth Taylor.

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
~ ~ ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and
astonish the rest.~ ~ ~ Kenneth Tynan.

Enough for this post tonight. Take good care my friends
and Have a wonderful weekend. Be kind to each other
and keep smiling. Love and Best Wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 417 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 1st March, 2008.


Old Lady Lincoln said...

I've had a busier then usual day for me. Seems I've been on the go since I got up this morning. So going to check out other blogs tomorrow. I'm tired tonight, but just wanted to stop by and say hello. I liked the drunk talking to his son, but of course they were all pretty funny and the brother Michael is precious.

Happy Birthday to your daughter. Our one daughter has a birthday on the 7th. she'll be 46, our youngest granddaughter will be 8 on the 5th, our other granddaughter will be 26 on the 17th. and her brother our oldest grandson will be 25 on the 8th. So we will four birthdays coming up.

Have a great evening.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle. Very happy birthday wishes to Julie.Please to hear Peter is feeling a lot better.
"Keep Michael singing"
Very touching story,sniffle sniffle.
Ha haha the Silly blonde got my vote today they were all very funny and gave me quiet a chuckle...Take care Merle, im off to spend a couple hrs in the garden....Love Janxoxo

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ I am so sad to hear about Peter's kidney stones. That sounds just terrible. As for me... I must be in that "For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren" stage of life... but I wouldn't want it any other way! My joy is watching THEIR joy! ~ jb///

Hootin' Anni said...

I can't get past the Michael Sings!! That is just beautiful!! And hope your daughter is having a terrific birthday.

Blessings Merle.

Lady Di Tn said...

First glad to hear Peter is better even if he is not a 100 per cent yet. Also, please extend my wishes to Julie to have a Happy one today. Thanks for sharing the redneck jokes and thanks for explaining life to me. hee hee all of them were funny. I will come back to read the Michael story because I did not have a tissue handy. Have a wonderful day. Peace

Margaret said...

Dear Merle a great read as usual, I was teary eyed for Michael as well in spite of the happy ending. Glad Peter is on the mend.
Love Margaret

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I’m glad Peter is feeling better, Merle.

My blessings to you both.

Mountain Mama said...

Dear Merle, every time I visit your blog it takes me nearly an hour! The reason is because I see so many funnies to send to my family and friends so I am doing the copy and paste thing till my fingers are sore! LOL
Love the funnies dear. Keep it up!

Jim said...

Hi Merle -- I hope Julie had a nice birthday. And that you both were happy!

Liked your blonde joke, I couldn't figure this one out at all till the end. Michael is a good story, do you think it really happened someplace like that?


Puss-in-Boots said...

The story of Michael singing is just beautiful, Merle. Good jokes, too.

I feel terrible...I didn't know Peter had not been well. I haven't played blogs for a while.

Glad to hear he's feeling better. I'll catch up with him later.

Hope this finds you well, Merle. Take care. Love and hugs.

Renie Burghardt said...

Dear Merle,

I'm glad your temperatures were pleasant over the weekend. We had beautiful spring-like weather, but winter is returning tonight for a few days. That's March for you, in our corner of the planet.

I hope your daughter Julie had a wonderful birthday, and your brother is feeling better and better.

"Keep Singing Michael" is so touching and sweet. You know you're a redneck is hilarious, and so true! LOL.
And that Jill was smart! LOL. And I love the quote by Tennyson!

As always, it was an enjoyable visit with you, dear Merle. I leave here chuckling! Have a wonderful day.



audrey` said...

Dearest Merle

"Keep Singing Michael" is so touching.
One of the mysterious but miraculous healings from our Lord =)

deborah wilson said...

Dear Merle,

I can't spit without opening my mouth but....

I have used a rag for a gas cap.


When I first started driving, I had a terrible habit of losing the gas cap.

My ex-husband, who is a mechanic, would die of embarrassment if he knew I just said this on-line.