Thank God for Little Things.

Post 475 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 5th July, 2008.

Hello Everyone ~~I hope you are all having a
really nice weekend. A holiday one in the US.
Mine is going very well, so far with a surprise
visit from Jeanette and her sister Pauline.
It was really nice to see the girls from Yarrawonga.
Gwen I hope your leg is better and that you can
come next time ~ you were missed.



Dear Jan and Pauline ~~ It was lovely to see you both. Thanks
for calling in. A longer stay next time would be nice.

A short poem tonight by Helen Steiner Rice
called "Thank God for Little Things.

Thank You God, for little things
that often come our way ---
The things we take for granted
but don't mention when we pray ---
The unexpected courtesy,
the thoughtful, kindly deed ---
A hand reached out to help us
in the time of sudden need ---
Oh, make us more aware , dear God,
of little daily graces
That come to us with "sweet surprise"
from never-dreamed-of places.
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The first joke is rather long, but quite funny.
Thank you Patty for this one.

A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the
man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, I would
like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."

The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf
is no problem, but I'm afraid all of the caddies are out
on the course. What I will do for you is this : we just
received 8 brand new robot caddies. If you are willing
to take one with you out on the course and come back
and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on
me today."

The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.

He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and
said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir, use
your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good
contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet
to the right front of the hole on the green.

The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked
him for his assistance.

As the golfer pulled out his putter, he said, "I think this
green is gonna break left to right."

The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir, I do
believe this green will break right to left."

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his
prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine.

He made his putt and birdied the hole, thanks to the
robot and his advice.

But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the
best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of
the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the
counter asked, "How was your game ?" The golfer
stated, "It was , by far, the BEST game I have ever
played. Thank you very much for letting me take one
of your robots. See you next week."

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the
pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind
the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and
one of those robot golf caddies, please."

The gentleman behind the counter turned to the man
and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However we
had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS ? Who in the
heck could have complained about those robots? They
were incredible."

The man sighed, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was
that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflect
--ing off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."

The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of
them didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of
them robbed the pro shop, and the other is running for President."
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Midnight Feeding.

"Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did
Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the- night feeding?"

"No, I always did that."

"That must have been before you had women's liberation"
"No, it was before we had feeding bottles."
<><>
Nine.
Rod was meeting a friend at a singles bar, and as he went
in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. "Nine," he
heard one whisper as he passed.

Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his
waiting buddy and told him a girl had just rated him a nine.

"I don't want to burst your bubble," his friend replied, "But
when you came in, they were speaking German."
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One from Jeanette. Thanks Jan.

Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regulare exercise program?
A. Can't think of a single one. My philosophy is:No pain .Good.

Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A. Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies, the ratio is two to one.

Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A. You're not listening. Foods that are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact they are permeated in it. How could
getting mor vegetables be bad for you?

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A. Definitely not. When you exercise a muscle it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.

Q. Is chocolate bad for me?
A. Are you crazy? Hell- Cocoa beans. Another vegetable.
It's the best feel good food around.

Q. Is swimming good for me?
A. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales.

Q. Is getting in shape important to my lifestyle?
A. Hey. 'Round' is a shape.

Well, I hope that has cleared up any misconceptions you
may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -----
Champagne in one hand ---chocolate in the other--body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming - -
"Woo Hooo what a ride !!"

Remember stressed spelt backwards is desserts.

Finally, some advice from Dr. Neil who proclaimed the
way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things
you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I had started
and hadn't finished; and before leaving the house this
morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of
Chardonay, a bole of Baileys, a butle Kehuha, a package
of Tim Toms, the remainder of a bottle of Prozac and
Valium scriptions, the rest of the cheescake and a box
of chocolates

Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
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Mel's son rushed in the door. "Dad, Dad," he announced
"I got a part in the school play."

"That's terrific," mel said proudly, "What part is it?"

"I play the part of the Dad."

"Go back tomorrow ," he instructed, "and tell them, you
want a speaking role."
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"They say when you die you see bright light at the end of
a tunnel," notes comedian Ed Marques. "I think my father
will see the light, then flip it off to save electricity."
<><>

One payday, an employee received an unusually large
cheque, and decided not to say anything about it. The
following week, her cheque was for less than the normal
amount. and she confronted her boss.
"How come," the supervisor inquired, "you didn't say
anything when you were overpaid?"

Unruffled, the employee replied, "Well, I can overlook
one mistake --- but not two in a row."
<><>

Well folks, I am going to leave it there for this post, and
get off to bed soon. Enjoy the rest of the weekend and
be kind to one another. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 475 ~~~ Saturday, 5th July, 2008.
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