Thursday, February 26, 2009

Anyway.

Post 578 ~~ Thursday, 26th February, 2009.

Hello My Friends ~~ About the Jack Benny story in my last post, it
seems to be true in a sense, but not entirely. It is true that Jack Benny sent his wife a single red rose every day after he died in 1974
and she received one every day for the rest of her life, She died in 1983, so that is a lot of roses and the gist of the story was true and
he was a good guy. However the poem I posted was not about him at all. It was about another couple and the husband arranged a bunch of roses once a year even after his death. It was written by James A.
Kisner. So both stories were lovely and about roses.

My friend, Jack K put me on to Snopes for this information. Thanks
very much Jack. I like to get things straight but have only checked Snopes about warnings in e mails etc.

I hope all is well with everyone. All OK here, but will be glad to get through tomorrow (Friday) without the fires flaring up again as is
feared.

My piece tonight was written by the late Mother Teresa.
It is called "Anyway."

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friend and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
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First joke tonight came from my dear friend Patty and is called
"Holy Email" Thank you Patty. Funny neither of us got that e mail.

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally
behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth. 95% are
misbehaving and only 5% are not." God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send another angel to get another opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The
Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to e mail the 5% that were good
because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help keep them going.
Do you know what the e-mail said??



Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
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Next one is "The Importance of Correct Punctuation."

Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours? Gloria.

Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me.
For other men, I yearn. For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can
be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria.
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My dear friend Nancy sent these famous quotes - hope you enjoy. Thank you Nancy.

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir,"said Disraeli"on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." ~ ~ Walter Kerr.

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. ~ ~ Winston Churchill.

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." ~ ~ Winston Churchill.

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
~ ~ Clarence Darrow.

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
~ ~ ~Moses Hadas.

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
~ ~ ~ Abraham Lincoln.

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. " Mark Twain.

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." ~ ~ ~ Oscar Wilde.

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my play; bring a friend .....if you have one"
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churhill. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . .if there is one. Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." ~~Stephen Bishop.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." ~ ~ John Bright.

" I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. ~ ~ Irvin S. Cobb.

"He is not only
dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others. ~~ Samuel Johnson.

:He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." ~ ~ Paul Keating.

"Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go." ` Oscar Wilde.

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening . . But this wasn't it." ~ ~ Groucho Marx.
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An elderly couple finally decide to get married. After the ceremony the elderly bride said,
"I 'd like to keep my own house." The elderly husband said "That sounds fair."
Then the wife said, "I'd like to keep my own care." The husband again agreed.

Then the wife said, "I would like to have sex six times a week." The husband thought for a minute and then said, "You can put me down for Friday."
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Ladies Talking in Heaven. 1st Woman, "Hi, My name is Wanda."
2nd Woman, "Hi, I'm Sylvia. How did you die?" ist Woman, "I froze to death."
2nd Woman, "How horrible."
1st Woman, "It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?"

2nd Woman, "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so
I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead I found him all by himself in the den watching TV." 1at Woman, "So what happened?"

2nd Woman, " I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this
up until I had looked everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died."

1st Woman, "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer.... we'd both be still alive."
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Three unemployed factory workers applied for jobs at a large food company. After the
applications were filled out, and being interviewed, each one managed to get hired.

The hiring boss said to the foreman, "These are your new workers."
"I can't use them. The first guy snapped for no reason on his last job. The second guy cracked up under stress, and the third guy is their father."

"Well put them in our breakfast cereal division. Snap, Crackle and Pop will work out fine."
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This morning, on my way to work, I rear-ended a car at some lights whilst not really paying attention.

Anyway the fella who was driving got out. And he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy." I said, "Well, which one are you?"
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That is it for tonight my friends. Time to get off to bed. Take great care of yourselves and each other. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 578 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 26th February, 2009.
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17 comments:

Gledwood said...

Hi Merle
My Mongolian Trotting Hamsters are now starring on Youtube! Just thought I would let you know this highly important news ;->...

ps old Theresa was a unique person, wasn't she..?

Granny on the Web said...

Oh Merle, you really are a cheer-up blogger.
I know when I start reading your blog I will end up with a smile in my heart.
Many thanks.
Love Granny

Jack K. said...

Mother Teresa sure had it right.

Do it anyway as long as it is serving with integrity, caring about those you serve and sharing the love in your heart/soul.

ROTFLMAO about Wanda and Sylvia.

Thanks for the usual thought provoking and humorous post.

Gramma Ann said...

You put a smile on my face again today. I hope the fires don't cause any more trouble on Friday. Have a nice week-end!

Lady Di Tn said...

Thanks Merle
I can now go about the rest of the day smiling because of all the funniest and quotes. Not Happy is best but freezer would take a close second on the lol list. Peace

Beth E. said...

Great post, Merle! Thanks for making me smile. :o)

Patty said...

Thanks for my chuckle. Once again some funnies, but I really enjoyed the older couple getting married and what the lay wanted to keep and have. Put him down for Friday's LOL Sleep well. at the moment it is a dark dreary day, and I am getting really sleepy. Just might have to take a nap. LOL

audrey` said...

"Anyway" is so true and essential. Thank you so much for this encouraging post, Merle =)

Gina E. said...

Looks like all those prayers I asked everyone for were answered, Merle! Today is finally just about over, with none of those dire predictions coming true. We got to about 34 deg. here in Eltham; I would have thought that was hot once, but never again. It was warm but not too uncomfortable, and we didn't have much wind either, although there was a lot of residual smoke this morning, drifting over from the Dandenongs I believe.
Thank you for your positive posts on my blog. I do let these things get to me I'm afraid (I was depressed for months after 9/11, and that wasn't even in Australia).
Hugs
Gina

Pearl said...

I so hope the fires do not start up again. I can't even begin to understand the feelings of those affected by the tragedy. I will say some prayers.

Hope you are doing well. Have a nice weekend.
Hugs,

Margaret Cloud said...

Merle, this was a great post, you always put a smile on my face, and sometimes that is hard to do, my husband says that is because I have English in me, too sober. The Heaven one was outstanding also Snap-Crackle & Pop. Very nice post and thanks for sharing. Have a good weekend and I hope the fires do not flare up again. Oh by the way I didn't get an email either, ha, ha.

Winifred said...

Thanks for these Merle. You make lots of people laugh and that's a great thing to do.

Hope the fires stay away.

Night Night!

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear merle,
My foot is feeling a lot better Thank you. I left the pressure stocking of today and its starting to swell again so looks like that will be back on tomorrow.. Great jokes..Hahaha to the elderly couple..
Take care looks like a couple of hot days comming... Love Janxxxx

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I had to read dear John letters twice, then I got it, lol.

I hope those fires would be out by now, I pray that the are soon and the suffering is over.

Take care,
Janice~

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle. I hope the fires have not gotten out of control again. I haven't heard any news about them.

I love the Mother Teresa quotes. She was a wonderful lady.

I didn't know that about Jack Benny. He was certainly a devoted husband. I wish I could have had one like that.

As always I loved your jokes. They put a smile on my face that lasts a long, long time. I copied the one about God's E-mail and ssent it to many of my contacts, even though I don't think I'm so bad. After all, I am forgiven and it's a good thing! (((smile))))

Have a great week Merle.
Hugs!

Deborah Wilson said...

Dear Merle,

I hope that the fires are now under complete control and that you are doing good.

Great words of wisdom by Mother Teresa - but sometimes they are hard to live by.

Quotes:

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." ~ ~ Paul Keating.

LOL! How hilarious!!

:)

Puss-in-Boots said...

I do love those insults, Merle. They require a knowledge of the English language, and the ability to use it, that is sadly lacking today. The Lady Astor one is one of my favourites.