Thursday, March 05, 2009

The Auction.

Post 580 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th March, 2009.

Hello my Friends ~~I am slowly recovering, and many thanks for your messages of concern. I sure do appreciate your caring and get well wishes. I hope that you are all well and having a great week. We are having great weather this week 25 to 30 C which is
the 70s and 80s F. It is so good to be cooler again.

I am very happy to let you know that our bushfires appear to be under control and no towns or homes are in immediate danger. It is wonderful to listen to the news or watch it on TV and the first item is NOT about fires. The Fire Authorities were so concerned about the gale force winds swirling around in all directions last Monday that everyone in Victoria got an text message from the Victoria Police telling of the dangerous conditions and warniing to take care.and to watch out for arsonists on Tuesday. There were quite a few new fires, but they were quickly under control by our wonderful fire fighters.

My first story tonight is called "The Auction" and the Author is Unknown.

The upstate NY man was rich in almost every way. His estate was worth millions. He owned houses, land, antiques and cattle. But though on the outside, he had it all, he
was very unhappy on the inside. His wife was growing old, and the couple was childless.
He had always wanted a little boy to carry on the family legacy.

Miraculously, his wife became pregnant in her later years, and she gave birth to a little boy. The boy was severely handicapped, but the man loved him with all his heart. When the
boy was five, his mom died. The dad grew closer to his special son. At age 13, the boy's
birth defects cost him his life and the father died soon after from a broken heart.

The estate was auctioned before hundreds of bidders. The first item offered was a painting of the boy. No one bid. The waited like vultures for the riches.

Finally, the poor housemaid, who helped raise the boy and loved him, offered $5 for the painting and easily took the bid. To everyone's shock, the auctioneer ripped a hand written
will from the back of the picture.

This is what it said: "To the person who thinks enough of my son to buy this painting, to
this person, I give my entire estate."

The auction was over. The greedy crowd walked away in shock and dismay.

How many of us have sought after what we thought were true riches only to find out
later that our
Father was prepared to give us His entire estate if we had only sought after
His Son alone?

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things
will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

First joke tonight is "THE AUSTRALIAN APPROACH.... Thank you Sue and Bob.

A young Aussie had moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered, "Yeah, I was a saleman back home in Dubbo, NSW."
The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was closed up, the manager came down and asked, "OK, so how many sales did you make today?" The Aussie said, "One."

The manager groaned and continued, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales
a day. How much was the sale for....?"


The manager choked and exclaimed $124,237.64. What the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him some small fish hooks, then medium fish hooks and the I sold him
a new fishing rod."

"Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Power Cat."

Then he said he didn't know if his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to Car
Sales and sold him the 4 x 4.
The manager, incredulous, said, "You mean to tell me... a guy came in here to buy fish hooks and you sold him a boat and a 4 x 4?"

"No, no no..... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said....
"Well, since your weekend is buggered, you might as well go fishing."

Another from Sue and Bob. Thank you for this one.

The phone rings. "Mrs Sander, please." "Speaking."

Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not good."

"What do you mean?" asks Mrs Sanders nervously?"

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimers and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which?"

"That's dreadful. Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these extensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

The folk at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Some bits and pieces from the local paper.

Euphemisms for "Stupid."

His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
All foam, no beer.
His bread ain't done
he's one brick short of a load.
He's one sandwich short
He's one step short of a flight of stairs.
The light is on, but nobody's home.
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
He's not the brightest crayon in the box.
If you give him a penny for your thoughts, you'd get change.
Somewhere a village is missing its idiot.
A few cans short of a six-pack.
His pilot light isn't it lit.

Proof that men have better friends.
Friendship among women.
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband she had slept ove at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best frriends. None of them
knew anything about it.

Friendship among men.

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friend. Eight confirmed
that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

Well, I will have to leave it here and get to bed on my electic blanket which helps quite a lot. Be kind to one another and enjoy your lives. Love and best wishes to you all.
Take great care, Love, Merle.

Post 580 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 5th March, 2009.


Margaret Cloud said...

Merle, I am glad your pain is a little better, I bet your fire department is exhausted from all this, glad they are not as dangerous as before. I really liked the Auction one, we do tend to be greedy sometimes.Boy that was some sale, I guess they kept him on. I guess I learned more ways to be stupid. This as usual is a great post, you made my smile for the day, have a great weekend my friend and be safe.

Winifred said...

Sorry to hear you've had such a lot of pain. Hope you're continuing to improve Merle. Just as well you don't live in a cool climate!

Thanks for making us laugh. Love the Harrods story.

Take care

Pamela said...

again, you had a wonderful first story to snag me.

Hey... our favorite "dumb" description is A Half bubble off plumb.

Beth E. said...

I enjoyed the auction story! Take care, sweet Merle! :o)

Jack K. said...

Merle, glad to know you are mending. Keep getting better.

Loved the auction story.

Heard the salesman story many years ago. It's still funny.

The Medicare story is hilarious.

It's amazing what one's friends will do for you. lol

Gramma Ann said...

Hi Merle,

I'm sorry to hear you are still in some pain, I hope each day fines you feeling a bit better.

It is nice to hear that the danger from the fires are over. You made me chuckle with your jokes, always a smile appears when I read your blog.

Have a Great Pain Free Week-end if that is possible!


Peter said...

G'day Merle, glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better, Vicki is coming along very well at present, good reports from all her medical team.... I might get relieved of duties after she has the second cataract operation?????

Patty said...

Dear Merle, so happy the back is healing, slowly perhaps, but at least it's on the mend. Aren't Sue and Bob some characters? LOL I get their e-mails also. Glad the fires aren't the top news item on your TV now. I bet that's a relief.Take care and have a wonderful week-end. Thanks for your visits. Your blogging friend, Patty

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle,Pleased to hear your slowly on the mend,My foot is comming good the swellings gone down and easier to walk on..We havent had any rain here but pleased a little rain fell in the right places and the cooler weatherhas helped quell some of the fires and the danger is over..great jokes once again..
You take care dear Merle get plenty of rest.. love Janxxx

linda may said...

G'Day Merle, I bet if the elevator did go to the top floor I would have missed it. He he. I like those.
Look after yourself, though it sounds like your community and family is there looking after you in every way that they can. Back related leg pain is a bummer isn't it.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Dear Merle, I'm sorry to hear you've had problems with your back and leg. Believe me, I can sympathise 100%.

Love that story of the Aussie salesman in Harrods. Sounds like a typical Aussie, doesn't it?

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better now. I hope it stays that way for you.

Take care. Hugs.

Nancy said...

Oh, Merle, I absolutley loved that fisherman story...the $124,237.64 sale!!! LOL Who on earth thinks all these jokes up? LOL

Hope your leg continues to improve...I'm sorry to hear that you've been in so much pain with it.

((( HUGS )))