Post 590 ~ ~ Wednesday, 15th April, 2009.
Hello Everyone ~~ I hope you are all enjoying your lives, and finally I am getting back
to that happy state. My health is getting better and I am having less pain - at last.
My granddaughter, Michelle and her boyfriend Ryan. A lovely couple. Thank you for visiting.
Next day, her father, My son Geoff called in on his way to get some firewood. He stay a
couple of hours and as usual did some tidying up of my garden. Thanks, Geoff, and it was good
to see you, as always.
These two turned up to visit briefly and we had a lovely time. They went out to buy
lunch, as I didn't feel up to going out. So I set the table while they got somel lovely food.
I had Lemon Chicken which is a favourite of mine. Michelle cleared the table and washed our dishes. The small jobs that haven't been easy for me. Such as peeling vegetables.
I am doing better now, after 6 weeks or more, so am very thankful.
Our Birhday girl today is my good blogging friend Gina. Happy Birthday, my
friend and many more ahead of you. Have a wonderful day Gina.
I am also grateful to all my blogging friends who have shown concern and have stuck by me, so
My first item today is called A Hug Certificate. This was sent to me by Jeanette, and Jeanette's
sister, Pauline and the dear late Gwen. I dedicate it to you all with my thanks.
A Hug Certificate for You.
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.
My first set of jokes are from my friend Warren - who really isn't crazy. Thanks Warren.
They are called HOLY HUMOUR.
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible
means." His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you "know" the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know." "Okay", said his father, "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy,.." the young boy replied excitedly,
"It stands for "Basic Information Before Leaving Earth."
Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning Lord" and those who wake up in the
morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in
another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments", answered the lady.
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of
time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield
wiper that read, "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note,
"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job.
Lead us not into temptation."
There is a story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is. we have enough
money to pay for our new building programme. The bad news is, it's still out there
in your pockets."
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of
the carriage obviously had a sense of humour, because attached to the back of the
carriage was a Hand Printed sign....
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on Oats and Grass, Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and Girls. what do we know about Gad?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist." said the little boy.
"Really? How do you know?" asked the teacher.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.."
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday
weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him.
Finally the attendant motioned him toward to a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as though
everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the centre of attention.
Sunday, after church, a Mum asked her very young daughter what the lesson was
about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mum was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mum asked him what that morning's Sunday School lesson was about.
He said, " Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the
congregationto come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to
the church building. Therefore he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was
sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said
impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in
great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need
$4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Australian National Anthem."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist.!!
Give me a sense of humour, Lord.
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
Some good ones there Warren, especially the last bit. Thanks.
Now to find a few more - - - - -
A 5 year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in
her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can
sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The EV Evangelists keep me company and
make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV
as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She
started adjusting knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell
ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood a man.
The man said , "Hello, son is your Grandma home?"
The little boy said, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."
Grandma's minister fainted.
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes
to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbour
who had the most beautiful garden of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentleman, "Whst do you do to get your tomatoes red?"
The genteman responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato and
expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
The woman was so impressed she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato
garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself
to her garden hoping for the best.
One day, the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how
did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
"No.." she replied... but my cucumbers are enormous."
Four old men were playing their weekly game of golf and one remarked how nice it
would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his three other chums and play a round.
His pals all chimed in and said, "Let's do it. We'll make it a priority, figure out a way
and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives and there they all are on the first tee.
The first bloke says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune. I bought my wife such a
diamond ring and she can't take her eyes off it."
His playing partener says, "I spent a tonne too. My wife is at home planninh the
cruise I gave her. She's up to her eyeballs in brochures."
The third bloke says, "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the
They all turned to the last fella in the group who is staring at them like they have lost
their minds. "I can't believe you all went to so much expense for this golf game.
I woke up this morning, slapped my wife smartly on the backside and said,
"Well dear, Merry Christmas. It's a great morning for either sex or golf."
She said, "Take a warm sweater."
Well, time to say Bye for now. I hope to answer all the comments later tonight.
I hope you all had a Happy and Blessed Easter. Take care of yourselves and each other,
Share some smiles with folk who need them. My love and best wishes to you all.
Post 590 ~ ~ Wednesday, 15th April, 2009.