Sunday, April 19, 2009

Whispers. and a Birthday.

Post 591 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 19th April, 2009.

Hello my Friends ~~ Things are good here and hope they are at your houses.
We have had some lovely weather, just the right temperature and nice and sunny. The
trees are starting to shed their leaves ~ so it's really Autumn here. (Fall) So I hope you
are experiencing lovely Spring weather, in the Northern Hemisphere.

Today is the birthday of one of our dearest blogging friends Ann, Rocrebelgranny has
been a dear friend for many years. I hope you have a wonderful day dear Ann. Please
pop over to wish Ann a very Happy Birthday.

Tonight's first item is called "Whispers" I hope you enjoy it.

The man whispered, "God, speak to me" and a meadowlark sang
But the man did not hear.


So the man yelled, "God, speak to me" and the thunder rolled across the sky.
But the man did not listen.


The man looked around and said, "God, let me see you And a star shined brightly.
But the man did not see.


And the man shouted, "God show me a miracle. And a life was born.
But the man did not notice.


So the man cried out in despair. "Touch me God, and let me know you are here."
Whereupon God reached down and touched the man.
But the man brushed the butterfly away. and walked on.
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The next item was sent to me by my friends, Patricia and also Sue and Bob.

ABOUT HEART ATTACKS.

There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of AN INTENSE PAIN ON THE CHIN, as well as nausea
and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.

NOTE : There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack.

The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did
not wake up. However if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from deep sleep.

If that happens, IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVE TWO ASPIRINS IN YOUR MOUTH
and swallow them with a bit of water.

Afterwards
, phone a neighbour or a family member who lives very close by and
state "HEART ATTACK"
and that you have taken 2 ASPIRINS.

Take a seat on a chair or sofa and wait their arrival and . . . .

DO NOT LIE DOWN !!!

A cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail sends it
to ten more people, probably a life can be saved.

<><>

First joke tonight came from my friend Jim Thank you.

Yearly Health Exam.

Went to the Doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks. "135." I say.
The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5ft4," I say.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure "5ft 2."

She then took my blood pressure and told me it was very high.
"Of course it's high." I scream.
"When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now I'm shart and fat."

She put me on Prozac.!!!
<><>

One from my good friend Linda L. It is called "A Day at the Beach." Thanks Linda.

A mother and a father take their 6 year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the beach, he notices that many of th women have boobs
bigger than his mothers, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber the man is."
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking
to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
<><>

One from my dear friend Robyn who says this is so awful, just had to send it along.

A guy wants to be rid of his nagging wife but can't afford a divorce, so he makes enquiries and finds a local hitman called Artie who will execute her for a Dollar. What a bargain says
the guy. He pays the Dollar and tells the hitman the details of her regular shopping trip
and what she will be wearing.

On the following day, the hitman sees the woman entering a local supermarket, follows
her to a quiet corner and strangles the life out of her. As he leaves he sees another woman enter the store, dressed identically. As our Hero loves his work so much he decides to strangle her too, just to be on the safe side.

Of course he has lingered too long, the Police arrive and arrest him, the headline in the
next day's paper reads

"ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT WOOLWORTHS."
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Revenge is SWEET ~~ sent by Sue and Bob. Thank you.
When girls don't put out. Written bu a guy - pretty darn smart.
Girls, please have a sense of humor. I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of
men and women differ so much. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
For example.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion
starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me"

I said, "What?" So she says the words that every boyfrieend on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough to satisfy
your physical need as a man. She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't
you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off to spend time with her. We went out to
a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store, I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her
new clothes, so I told her, "Let's get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond ear-rings
Let me tell you. . . .she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of
a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine honey." Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this
is all dear, let's go to the cashier.."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it.
Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT ?"

I then said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch
with my financial need as a man enough to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you
just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either !!!
<><>

My neighbor, Helen loaned me a little book called "Happiness is a dry Martini" written
by Johnny Carson. So will leave you with a few of those.

Happiness is . . . being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

Happiness is . . . being a 200 pound bully and having a 97 pound weakling kick sand
in you face.

Happiness is . . .sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding
out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony.

Happiness is . . .discovering at the kindergarten that when your son said his teacher
was 42, he didn't mean her age.

Well enough for this post. I hope you found something of interest, and see you again
next time. Take great care of yourselves and each other. My love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 591 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 19th April, 2009.
<><><>


24 comments:

Winifred said...

t's lovely you are getting some really pleasant weather. I love it when it's not too hot but nice and sunny with a fresh little breeze. Perfect.

Thanks fot these funnies Merle, you always make me laugh.

Hope your fine weather continues.

Jack K. said...

Nice post as usual.

Thanks.

Christina said...

Hi Merle, Glad you are getting some nice weather. We are getting nice weather here too, but the weather is almost always nice here in Florida! LOL at the little boy at the nude beach! Good jokes as usual!

Gattina said...

Now I am not jalous anymore about your weather, here it's spring and I spring too !

Susie said...

Hi Merle,
So glad you're feeling a bit better.
I really think fall is my favorite time of year. We're in for a real heat wave the next few days and I don't enjoy it when it's so uncomfortable.
Loved all the jokes, and great advice on what to do in the event of a heart attack.
Take care my friend,
xoxo

Fred said...

Hi Merle: I saw your name on three other blogs that are regular reads for me, so I wanted to stop and say hi. We keep good company!

Beth E. said...

I loved the joke about the jewelry...what a hoot!

Hope you have a great week, Merle!

Blessings...
Beth

mreddie said...

Spring and fall are my two favorite seasons - with the other two close behind. :) It is nice here in SC, just finished planting my garden on Sat. ec

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm glad you are having nice weather. We were at nindy today, and it was a little warm for us as yet.

Loved the jokes especially the you don't respect me enough one, lol.

Take care and have a nice week.
Janice~

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merle. So happy to hear your improving everyday. the days are glorious but the nights are getting cooler,(havent had the heater on yet)Did you get the dust storm over there?.Ill pop over and wish Ann a happy birthday.
Great jokes.. yearly health exam. Giggle giggle.Every time I go for a check up I come out heaver than my scales..LOl . Take care Dear Merle Im off to Adelaide on the weekend.. Love Janxxxxxx

Dave said...

Oh I just loved the joke about the "holding me"... that's just SO right! *laughing hard*

Have a wonderful day Merle!

audrey` said...

Dearest Merle (((HUGS)))

We're so happy to know that you're feeling fine now. Praise the Lord!

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Glad you are on the mend. You have had lots of fun with company. I had to read a couple of post at one time as I have been partying too much. Or can you do that?
Loved the stories and especially the humor. You bring so many smile and laughter in our life. I am thankful for all your cheer. Peace

Patty said...

Glad you're feeling much better. Keep it up. Found several items that entertained me today from your blog. Now it's time to start dinner/supper. It's going to be a fast supper, hamburgers on buns, french fries in the oven and salad. I had a marvelous dinner yesterday, rump roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, salad, and apple/grape salad. Even if I do say so myself, it was all good. LOL Take care. More later. Sleep well tonight.

Margaret Cloud said...

I wish it would warm up here, today it is raining, even our bushes and trees are slow pokes at pushing the buds off their branches. Thank you for the info on heart attacks. I think that man has it wrong, men don't think with their head but with their Mr. Johnson's. Nice post, I always enjoy coming by and getting my smile. Have a nice week my friend and be safe.

Femin Susan said...

Those are absolutely fascinating. Wonderful post! Blessings to you and your family……

Joseph Pulikotil said...

hi Merle :)

Very useful and entertaining post with humor and advice on heart attack. I enjoyed it very much.

Have a nice day:)
Joseph

Deborah Wilson said...

Dear Merle,

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. With the weather cooling down, this will help too. Fall is my favorite time of the year!

The shopping joke is hilarious - but unfortunately, it's the truth for some folks. lol

And life goes on.....

Sue said...

Merle I would love to comment on your HEART ATTACK post. I can attest to the pain in the neck, mine was right side, like in the tonsil area. Horrible pain but I took care of it immediately, then was transported to the hospital where I spent three days. Three days finding out just exactly why it happened. It happened because I have more blocked arteries. I am an activist where heart disease and women are concerned. We are ignored too often. To look at me you would think I am the picture of health. I am but again I am not. I just love life and each contibution I can make to it and the world around me.
Thanks for getting the word out.
Sue

audrey` said...

HaHa Merle!!!
I'm not a grandmama yet.
The great blessing goes to Great Grandpappy Ron =)))

Hootin' Anni said...

I AM! enjoying our Spring weather, but I like Autumn too, so I could come visit with you and we could watch the trees turn color.

Happy Earth Day Merle.

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,


I'm just trying to catch up with everyone. I've been falling way behond since joining Facebook, it seems.

I enjoyed seeing all your recent pictures here-of you and your family.

Glad to hear you're feeling a little better.

Take care-

Love,

June

Nancy said...

Hi Merle!

I just had a light heart attack last night...pain in the jaw so intense and then straight between my shoulder blades through to my chest! I took 2 aspirin right away, like I always do. Had a similar spell on April 5th, too. I never go to the doctor...no health insurance. Can't even get any as they turned me down to venous insufficiency in my leg. Waiting another year until I turn 65 to get on Medicare! I was 64 yesterday...some way to end my birthday, huh? LOL

Loved the "At the Beach" joke!!! ha-ha

Hope you are doing better now. I have had to slow the work in my guest bath, but almost done with it now. I did a new post today and posted a new pic of the tile progress. Won't be long once I get back at it again. I have been taking my time doing it, anyhow...no need to hurry...I'm not planning on going anywhere. LOL

((( HUGS )))

raccoonlover1963 said...

Hello dear Merle
Great post.
Love the shopping spree joke.
Take care
Lisa