Post 592 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 23rd April, 2009.
Hello my friends ~ ~ How are things in your part of the world? All OK here and we have had another nice day. We have a prediction of really cold weather and RAIN in the next
few days. So if the rain comes, the cold will be worth it. Everyone wants rain, farmers, gardeners and even Taxi drivers as they talk on our drives around the place.
I have had a hair trim at last, as I was looking like the wicked witch of the west, not being able to get there while my pain was too severe. Yesterday I had my eyes tested and
even ordered an extra pair to use while I am on the computer.
My good friend Nancy had a birthday yesterday, so a very Happy birthday, my friend.
Please take care of yourself and don't work so hard.
I found this small item among other pages and hope you like it.
It is called "My Online Friends."
Your Heart is your Love, Your Love is your Family
Your family is your future, Your future is your Destiny.
Your Destiny is your Ambition.
Your Ambition is your Aspiration, Your aspiration is your Motivation
Your motivation is your Belief. Your belief is your Peace.
Your Peace is your Target.
Your target is Heaven. Heaven is no fun without FRIENDS.
My son Geoff sent me the first item of the joke variety. Thanks Geoff.
It is called "ONLY AUSSIES. "
This should enlarge to read the words on it.
Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgium beer,
then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab, to sit on Swedish
furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
Oh and .... Only in Australia can a Pizza get to your house faster than an Ambulance.
Only in Australia . . . do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back
of the shop to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Australia . . . do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a Diet Coke.
Only in Australia . . . do banks leave both doors wide open and chain the pens to the
Only in Australia . . . do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the drive-way
and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
NOT TO MENTION. . .
3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9 volt battery works on their tongue.
58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Aussies have died since 1986 by watering their Christmas tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.
8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette
in their mouth.
A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skulls whilst throwing up into the toilet.
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.
So he bought a ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking he would start by
working his way across the USA from South to North. On his first day he was
inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted
on the wall with a sign that read $10,000 per call.
The American , intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was
used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000,
you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went on his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of
telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was, She
told him it was a direct line to heaven and for $10,000 he could talk to God.
"OK, thank you," said the American.
He then travelled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia. Boston, and New York.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same $10,000 per call
sign under it.
The American decided to travel to Australia to see if they had the same phone. He
arrived in Australia, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same
golden phone, but this time the sign under it read, "40 cents per call. The American
was surprised so he asked the priest about it.
"Father, I've travelled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in
many churches. I'm told that is a direct line to heaven, but in the US the price was
$10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Australia now, son. It's a local call."
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow. You must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I 've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy comes in to the bar and placed the same order for drinks. When the barman asked what the problem was today, the answer came back.
"I've just found out my younger brother is gay too."
On the third day, the guy comes back into the bar and odered another 6 double vodkas.
The bartender said, "Darn, Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife .. . ."
I have told the next joke to many of the taxi drivers, and they like it.
A man was in a taxi when he reached across and tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder.
At that, the taxi driver screamed, He pressed down both the brake and accelerator at once, spinning the taxi around in front of oncoming traffic before finally ending up in
front of a bus stop halfway over the curb.
Ashen faced the driver turned to the shaken passenger and said, "Don't ever do that
Stuttering, the passenger apologised and so the taxi driver calmed down a bit and also apologised saying, "It's my fault. I only started this job yesterday. For the last
25 years, I've been driving hearses."
When my car broke down, I got out and found to my horror that I had locked my
two year old son and his baby sister inside. I ran to a nearby house to call my husband.
The baby was crying when I returned, so I yelled to my son to put her dummy in her
mouth to pacify her. "What did you say Mum?" he asked -- then wound the window
down to hear better. I'd forgotten he knew how to do that.
Having lived in our house for four years, we were moving on. My husband had backed
the car up to our garage door so we could start loading all the boxes.
At that moment, one of our neighbors came walking across the road carrying a plate of cake.
"Isn't that thoughtful?" my husband said to me. " They must have realised we've packed
away our kitchen stuff."
The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood."
Well that is enough for this post. I hope you liked something in it. Look after yourselves
and each other. Enjoy the weekend coming up. My love and best wishes to you all.
Post 592 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 23rd April, 2009.