Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Man and a Dog.

Post 599 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 19th May, 2009.

Hello My Friends ~ ~ Here we go again and the computer is fixed and going OK. The disk
drive wasn't working and the technician brought a new one, which fortunately we did not
need. He fixed the one in the machine, so that was great. He also installed a new CA virus
protection, which I could have done if the disk drive had been working.

We have another birthday tomorrow, Happy Birthday Della and many more.

Also I have a Prayer Request for my niece Vicki and her husband Rex. Vicki's health has improved, but unfortunately Rex is having an operation for Prostate cancer on 21st of
May, so if you pray, please, keep them both is your prayers. Thank you.
I will be thinking of them and praying for a good outcome. Love to you both.

Tonight I have a nice story called A man and his dog, Thank you whoever sent it to me




A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it
occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He
wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while they came to a high, white stone wall alone one side of the road. It looked like fine
marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like
mother-of-pearl. and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog
walked to the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow, Would you happen to have some water?"

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man
gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend come in too?" the trav
eler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the
way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road
leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.


As he approachhed the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me," he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he
gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven" he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said.? "The man down the road said that was Heaven too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope, that's Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friend
behind." Sooooo....

You and your dogs are welcome at my water bowl anytime."

Remember the prayer, "Lord, please let me be half the person my dog thinks I am.
<><>

A joke sent by my friends, Sue and Bob Thank you.

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that
on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster, Chucky. Wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry, sir," said the ticket agent, "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls. He went
back to the booth, bought a ticket and entered. He sat down next to two old widows
named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the bird began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so
Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.
"He undid his pants and has his thing out." whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "Hell at our age we've seen 'em all."
"I thought so too," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my Popcorn"!!!!!
<><>

While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Queensland farmer, who got cut on a gate while working cattle. The rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually, the topic got around to "Kevin O7"

"Well, ya know," drawled the old farmer, "this Rudd fellow is what they call a fence-post
turtle."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked what a fencepost turtle was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving along a country road and you come across a
fencepost with a turtle balancing on top. That's a fencepost turtle."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain.

You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there,
he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, even though his legs are moving
he's going nowhere 'cos his feet aren't on the ground. and you just wonder what
kind of dill put him up there in the first place.
<><>

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife; "Perhaps you should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off your butt."

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go
unrewarded. The next morning, the husband took a pair of shorts out of his drawer.

"What the hell is this?" he said to himself as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom. "Why did you put talcum powder in my shorts?"

She replied with a snicker,.. "It's not talcum powder, it's "Miracle Grow.""
<><>

One day a housework challenged husband decided to wash his tee -shirt. Seconds after
he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"

"It depends," his wife replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb.
<><>

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour's dog barking.
It had been barking for hours and hours.

Suddenly, Paddy jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this" He goes downstairs.

Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, "The dog is still barking. What
have you been doing?"

Paddy says, "I've put the dog in our yard,.. see how THEY like it?"
<><>

Well, time to get off to bed for me. Just on midnight here. I hope all is well with you all.
Be kind to each other. Whatever you do, do well. My love and Best wishes, Merle.

Post 599 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 19th May, 2009.
<><><>


13 comments:

Granny on the Web said...

Hope all is well with you Merle. Loved all today's quips. I love a laugh.

Love Granny

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

It's grand that you have your computer working, Merle. Now, if I could just get my computer's audio to work, all would be right in the world! Well, righter than it is at the moment anyway.

Jim said...

Hi Merle, you must be on top of the world right now! Your computer works and you are healthy and alive enough to stay up till midnight.
That's a dirty trick to move the dog so it will bother the owners.
I may have heard the rest but I never did understand the fence post turtle. This must be an Aussie joke?
..

Dave said...

Great jokes as always Merle!

I'm glad it wasn't anything serious with your PC... *S*

Have a wonderful day dear friend.

Margaret Cloud said...

It is always nice to have the computer up and working, I would miss mine.I am including Rex in my prayers, may he come out of the surgery healed. I absolutely loved the Heaven story, made a tear come to my eyes. The popcorn one made me laugh out loud. Very funny jokes, what would we do without you and your post. Have a great week my friend and be safe.

Christina said...

I'm glad your computer problems were not too serious and you are back up and running.

LOL at Paddy and the dog!

Jack K. said...

Your story about a man and his dog reminded me about the Rainbow Bridge. Both are inspiring.

Glad to know your computer problem wasn't more serious.

Make it a great day.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. I read in Peter's post that Rex has come through the op okay and that now they are waiting on the pathology results. Here's hoping for a good result.

Loved the joke about the Fence Post Turtle...very apt.

Keep well, Merle, and I hope it's not too cold for you. It's been incredibly wet up here for the last two days...floods everywhere.

Hugs.

Pearl said...

Absolutely loved the "Old Man And His Dog" story. Really captures the love we have for our furry friends at home.

Hope you are doing well.
Sending you hugs,

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merle,Pleased your puter is up and running and easn't anything serious.. My thoughts and best wishes to Rex for a very speedy recovery..
Loved the Old man and his dog ive read it before but well worth another read..HEHEHE to paddy and the neighbours dog. Take great care my dear friend, this warm weather wont last. Yarrawonga had 23 today hottest in the state..Love Janxxxxx

Patty said...

Dear Merle,
Glad your computer is working A-OK. Hope you are to.

You once again had some funnies. And I love the Heaven or Hell story.

Sorry to hear about your nieces husband. Hopefully they caught it in the early stages. I will remember them in my prayers.

Grocery shopping day as soon as Abe gets back with he car.

Have a good week. Love, Patty

Diane said...

Loved the jokes...I laughed out loud.

Prayers are going out as we speak.

Hugs,
Diane

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle..you KNOW which joke I appreciated the most!!!