Monday, June 15, 2009

Are you Feeling Old?

Post 607 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 15th June, 2009.

Hello my friends ~~ I hope all is well with you. I have been trying to get on blogger for quite a while, but finally here we are. I may not get too far as I am
already feeling tired. So I will get on with it.

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today . . . . .

The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included Aids.
The CD was introduced eight years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had e mail.
They have always had cell phones.
They have always had the Internet.
They have always had VCRs and video cameras.
They have always had cable.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight show.
Popcorn has always been Micro-waved.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he came from.
They never heard: 'Where's the beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel.
or 'De Plane Boss, De Plane'.
McDonald's never came in styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Pass this on to other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
<><>
TAILGATER. Thank you Gina for this one.
A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly the lights turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing
stopping at the cross-walk, even though he could have he could have beaten
the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her
car with her hands up.

He took her to the Police station where she was searched, fingerprinted,
photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman
approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car
while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him." I noticed the 'What would Jesus do' Bumper
sticker,' 'the Choose Life.'license plate holder, ' the 'Follow Me to Sunday
school' bumper sticker and the chromeplated Christian fish emblem on the
trunk. Naturally. . . I assumed you had stolen the car.
<><>
Skinny Dipping.
An elderly man in Florida had own a large farm for several years. He had a
large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables
horseshoe courts and some orange and lime trees. One evening he decided
to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women shinny-dipping
in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to
the deep end. One woman shouted to him, "we're not coming out until you leave'

The od man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked ,,,,'

Holding the bucket up, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Some old men can still think fast. Thanks for that one too Gina and the next.
<><>
Subject : PM Rudd.

On a recent trip to the U.S.A. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was invited to address
a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in Kitimat, BC due to his
experiences in handling the Australian indidenous situation in Australia.

He spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every First Nation's
present standard of living."

At the conclusion of his speech, the tribes presented the Prime Minister with
a plaque inscribed -- "Walking Eagle."

The proud Rudd then departed with his entourage, waving to the crowd as he
left. A news reporter later asks the chiefs how they came to select the the new
name given to Rudd.

They expllained that Walking Eagle; is the name given to a bird so full of
s**t, it can no longer fly.
<><>

My husband is so short sightest, he can't go to sleep unless he counts
elephants.
<><>
Last one was sent by my friend, Barbara. Thank you, my friend.
Gotta Love Little Boys.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons
and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
The boy replied, "Eight."
The man continued, "Do you know what these are for?"
The boy replied, "No exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him. He's
my brother and he is four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would
be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those.
<><>

Well, that is it for tonight my friends. I hope your week is going well for you
all and that your lives are going well. Don't worry,--Be happy. My love and
best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle,

Post 607 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 15th June, 2009.
<><><>

26 comments:

Linda said...

Your blog always brings a smile. :)
Thanks for the encouragement this morning and hope you have a blessed week,

Linda

Lady Di Tn said...

LOL THOSE JOKES WERE VERY FUNNY AND I CAN REMEMBER ALL THOSE THINGS. PEACE

Granny on the Web said...

Hello Merle. I must have missed your posting last week, as I have had to read back some.
I love all the stories you have, some I've heard but most are new. I love reading them all.
Summer here in the UK, so we are enjoying the warmth.. it doesn't last long enough for me!
Must be strange seeing all the burnt tree limbs and then snow around them. I am so glad you are safe. Keep well.
Love Granny

Winifred said...

Like the tailgater one. I thin Blogger has been "out" today I saw the notice. The problem is the time zone they use is something like PDT and I think it's something like Pacific Daytime. I tried to find out what time that actually is but eventually gave up. So I just avoid doing a blog around the day they quote. What a quitter!

ChrisB said...

Hello Merle
Hope you don't mind me using the last one for my Witty Wednesday.
Thank you.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Good morning, Merle. That tailgater one makes you think, doesn't it? As for the list of things...I can remember them all and further back than those, too!

Slightly warmer weather here today, really nice, in fact. My fingers didn't freeze to blocks of ice when I was hanging out the washing at 8 am. It's the shortest day of the year next week...then slowly but surely the days get longer. Thank goodness. I don't like these dark mornings.

Hugs.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I loved the post. I'm sorry you had trouble getting on blogger, I had trouble too but with posting comments.

I hope this one posts.

Janice~

Jeanette said...

Gday Dear Merle,
Hope you are well and keeping warm. Your jokes gave me quite a giggle today. Toss up today between the Tailgater and the Aligator in the pool.. Take care Merle, Love Janxxxx

Dave said...

Great post Merle... especially the tailgating one!!!

Hope you're well rested now!

Margaret Cloud said...

This was great, I enjoyed them all, especially the old farmer and his alligator, you made my smile for the day. Hope your week goes along very nicely. Take care friend and be safe.

Gramma Ann said...

Hi Merle,

I haven't been by in awhile, I slowed down for the summer as far as blogging. But, came by to see what you have been up to. I need to spend a little time and catch up with all your postings. You put a smile on my face with the jokes today. They were all funny, and I can't pick a favorite.

Have a happy day my on-line buddy.

Ann

Big Dave T said...

Hi Merle! I was feeling old and tired last night, but come morning I felt better. A good sleep is as good as a vitamin in my book.

Was Peter the guy with the bucket? Your brother had a picture of some naked women swimming in a pond somewhere. Maybe just a coincidence.

Nancy said...

Hello dear Merle!

I am back to reading blogs again! That Facebook has been taking all my time...I am playing Farm Town on there and most everyone who plays it gets addicted to it! It is so much fun!!! But I see you've still been blogging away here while I've been over on Farm Town planting my crops and designing my farm. LOL

I do hope you are feeling well these days. Hot, humid weather has set in here for us in South Carolina...but I love it!!! Guess you are probably almost in winter there???

((( HUGS )))

Nancy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christina said...

I definitley feel old after reading that list!

Patty said...

Dear Merle,
Once again, I'm sitting here laughter to myself. And I was feeling mighty old before I read the blog, but really feel old now. I think the weather has a lot to do with it, we've been having rain and more rain, in fact it's raining right now.

Loved the tailgating female joke. But they were all funny.

My sister-in-law is not doing well at all. She was suppose to go to Cincinnati, which is about an hour drive south of us, and they live about 20 miles north of us, so it would take them about 1 1/2 hrs to make the drive, this coming Friday to have her stitches and staples removed from her head. Then she is suppose to start her chemo directly to her brain. But she has having such a hard time breathing yesterday, they had to rush her to the hospital, she has pneumonia and four other kinds of infection in her body. I don't know if she'll be able to even start the treatments on her brain. She's been fighting this cancer for almost two years now. I feel so bad for her, nothing anyone can do to help at this stage.

Well enough of my complaining. All I can do is pray that she doesn't have to be in pain and suffering and being in the hospsital, I'm sure they'll make sure she is sedated. Take care, Love, Patty

audrey` said...

We're feeling young again, Merle =)

audrey` said...

Hello Merle =) I mentioned you in my Twitter update. Take care, my dear friend.

Jack K. said...

Take care and rest up.

I loved the irony of the tailgater story, and the fast thinking of the farmer.

I hope the boys will be able to do all of the things they want to without the use of tampons.

LOL

Great stories.

Fred said...

I can remember hooking up to the internet for the first time in 1995. I thought it was pretty cool. And remember the first cell phones? I had one - what they called a "brick phone."

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle,
Glad my jokes were appreciated by so many! Although I noticed the one about Kevin didn't rate a mention...am I in a Labor camp??
I do hope your ear-ache doesn't return, but if it does, you won't need to be urged twice to see your doctor, I hope. I didn't think I'd mind getting older, but one thing I do dislike is the increasing visits to doctors and specialists!!

Anonymous said...

Hi There I'd like to thank you for such a great quality forum!
Just thought this would be a nice way to introduce myself!

Sincerely,
Sage Brand
if you're ever bored check out my site!
[url=http://www.partyopedia.com/articles/baby-einstein-party-supplies.html]baby Einstein Party Supplies[/url].

Anonymous said...

Thank you :) look at this emo boy one at this blog:
http://www.emo--boys.info

Anonymous said...

Hi There I'd like to thank you for such a great quality forum!
thought this is a perfect way to make my first post!
In order to grow assets it is usually a sharp scheme to start a savings or investing game plan as early in life as obtainable. But don't fear if you have not thought of saving your capital until later on in life. With honest work, that is exploring the best investment vehicles for your cash you can slowly but surely increase your riches so that it adds up to a big amount by the time you wish to retire. Scout out all of the achievable asset classes from stocks to real estate as investments for your money. A smartly diversified portfolio of investments in a wide range of asset classes may make your money mature throughout the years.

-Christian Sokolowski
[url=http://urwealthy.com]currency exchange rates[/url]

Anonymous said...

Do You interesting of [b]Female use of Viagra[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Female use of Viagra[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/viagra%2C%20tramadol%2C%20zithromax%2C%20carisoprodol%2C%20buy%20cialis/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also you can find on our sites.
Generic [url=http://viagra.wilantion.ru]Viagra 100mg pills[/url] is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b]viagra top ten
nattural viagra
emphysema viagra
tiesto viagra
Viagra Age Group
lawsuits viagra heart attacks
Viagra And Alcohol
[/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.

Anonymous said...

[u] hi, i found this web site and wonder if anyone had any experience or did buy cookbook software from them ?[/u]