Post 608 ~ ~ Friday, 19th June, 2009.
Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you and your families. I have had a few minor upsets, but nothing too serious. I was all set to do a post last night, but developed an awful earache. So painful, I gave up on that idea and got a heat pad and went to bed.
I heated the pack up again around 3 am, and it's much better today. So far.
I have been out three days in a row and that is unusual for me, and makes me tired.
Wednesday, I had a hair trim, Thursday my feet trimmed, and today, I went back to the
opometrists as the glasses I got recently have been all but useless. I can wear them OK
and manage most things, until I need to read something. Anyway, there will be no
further charge and a couple of alterations are being done to them. Enough about me.
The first item tonight is a warning to all women. Thanks Sue and Bob for this one.
THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU....IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOUR MOTHER.....OR EVEN
TO YOUR SISTER.
I was sitting at a local outdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat
down at my table. . . . I gave them the death look, but they casually stayed at my table
and wouldn't leave me alone. I shined up my ring on my married finger, then placed my
hand on the table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was not interested
Luckily for me they got the hint and left, but thankfully the whole thing was captured on
the Cafe's camera. I am sending this picture as a warning . . . . . .Just in case they try to
pick you up too.
Honestly some men think they are God's gift.
Next one was sent to me by my friend Warren. Thanks for this one Mate.
Employed For One Day Only.
So after landing my new job as a K Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees.
I lasted less than a day. . . . . . .
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids. She was yelling obscenities at them
all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to K Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins The oldest is 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am. I just couldn't believe someone slept
with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at K Mart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this kind of work.
Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one.
Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students
put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it
was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on again - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream. "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off,
and he said, " They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots."
Her trial starts next month.
This one from my good friend Gina. Thanks for this one Gina.
A sweet grandmother telephoned St Joseph's Hospital She timidly asked, "Is it possible
to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help you dear. What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good
news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well Her blood pressure is fine,
her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr Cohen, has scheduled
her to be discharged on Tuesday."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so
worried. God bless you for the good news.
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Finlay in 302, No on tells me s**t.
One from my dear friend, Patty. Thank you Patty.
You Can't Win Them All.
A man called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your
shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you . Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice,, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman
about to get married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. "Wear a
heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to the neck" But when she asked her
best friend, she got conflicting advice. "Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."
The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."
Just a few quotations to close with.
Every man has three characters -- that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself.
~ ~ ~ Dorothy Law Nolte, writer.
Scandal is what one-half the world takes pleasure in inventing and the other half in believing. ~~~Horace Smith.
Wrongs are often forgiven, but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever. It implies a discovery of weaknesses. which we are much more careful to conceal than crimes.
~ ~ ~ Philip Dormer Stanhope.
Enough for this post. Take great care of yourselves and each other.
Share a smile with someone who needs one. My love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle. See you next time.
Post 608 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 19th June, 2009.