Friday, June 19, 2009

Beware Ladies.

Post 608 ~ ~ Friday, 19th June, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well with you and your families. I have had a few minor upsets, but nothing too serious. I was all set to do a post last night, but developed an awful earache. So painful, I gave up on that idea and got a heat pad and went to bed.
I heated the pack up again around 3 am, and it's much better today. So far.

I have been out three days in a row and that is unusual for me, and makes me tired.
Wednesday, I had a hair trim, Thursday my feet trimmed, and today, I went back to the
opometrists as the glasses I got recently have been all but useless. I can wear them OK
and manage most things, until I need to read something. Anyway, there will be no
further charge and a couple of alterations are being done to them. Enough about me.

The first item tonight is a warning to all women. Thanks Sue and Bob for this one.


I was sitting at a local outdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat
down at my table. . . . I gave them the death look, but they casually stayed at my table
and wouldn't leave me alone. I shined up my ring on my married finger, then placed my
hand on the table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was not interested
in them.

Luckily for me they got the hint and left, but thankfully the whole thing was captured on
the Cafe's camera. I am sending this picture as a warning . . . . . .Just in case they try to
pick you up too.

Honestly some men think they are God's gift.


Next one was sent to me by my friend Warren. Thanks for this one Mate.

Employed For One Day Only.

So after landing my new job as a K Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees.
I lasted less than a day. . . . . . .

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids. She was yelling obscenities at them
all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to K Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins The oldest is 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am. I just couldn't believe someone slept
with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at K Mart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this kind of work.


Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one.

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students
put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it
was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on again - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream. "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off,
and he said, " They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.

This one from my good friend Gina. Thanks for this one Gina.

A sweet grandmother telephoned St Joseph's Hospital She timidly asked, "Is it possible
to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help you dear. What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good
news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well Her blood pressure is fine,
her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr Cohen, has scheduled
her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so
worried. God bless you for the good news.

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Finlay in 302, No on tells me s**t.

One from my dear friend, Patty. Thank you Patty.

You Can't Win Them All.

A man called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your
shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper."

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you . Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice,, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman
about to get married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. "Wear a
heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to the neck" But when she asked her
best friend, she got conflicting advice. "Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

Just a few quotations to close with.

Every man has three characters -- that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself.
~ ~ ~ Dorothy Law Nolte, writer.

Scandal is what one-half the world takes pleasure in inventing and the other half in believing. ~~~Horace Smith.

Wrongs are often forgiven, but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever. It implies a discovery of weaknesses. which we are much more careful to conceal than crimes.
~ ~ ~ Philip Dormer Stanhope.

Enough for this post. Take great care of yourselves and each other.
Share a smile with someone who needs one. My love and best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle. See you next time.

Post 608 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 19th June, 2009.


Margaret Cloud said...

I hope your ear ache is gone and it is nothing serious. I had trouble with my last pair of glasses, so I made an eye exam with a different doctor, hope this works. I have to admit the men are quite handsome, this would be scary to me. Good for that greeter, I couldn't have said it better. The one about the boots made me lol, I think I would of cut the toes out to get the mittens, only kidding. This was a great post and very funny. Thank you for coming by, wishing you a great weekend, take care and be safe, my friend.

Jack K. said...

Feel better soon.

Loved the stories.

I'd seen the one about the K-Mart greeter before. It is still hilarious.

Poor Norma. lol

Liked the quotations, too.

Winifred said...

Hi Merle

What a gadabout you are! Hope your earache is better, it's such a painful thing.

I know I'm in for a good belly laugh when I read your posts. That greeter is brilliant and Norma, what a great old bird!

Have a wonderful week end.

Patty said...

Dear Merle,
Perhaps the weather was too cool, damp and cold and that caused the ear ache. Use to happen to me a lot, so I wore something on my head when ever I went out, even if it might look silly to someone else, I was the one having the ear problems.

Loved your jokes, especially the teacher, child and boots. Talking about books, I have a niece that was very pigeon toed when she was young, and one day she put on her boots to go out, and her Mom said, you have them on the wrong feet, I looked down at the child and they looked normal, by putting them on the wrong feet it didn't make her look pigeon toed. Poor girl is now almost fifty and still a little pigeon toed, but not like when she was a child. I still have to laugh to myself when I picture that. I'm cruel aren't I.

Tonight fixing a fast supper/dinner, sloppy joe sandwiches, chips and fresh cantaloupe. I also felt lucky, so I bought a lottery ticket, hope it's a winner. It is hot 90 degrees F and very, very humid, the hot air seems to almost take your breath away when stepping outside. I don't mind heat, if it's dry but the humidity really gets to me.

Have a nice evening, stay warm and hope the ear is not bothering you. Happy week-end.

Blogging buddy, Patty

Peter said...

Its MANY years since I had an earache but I seem to recall Mum putting a couple of drops of oil (probably paraffin??)in the affected ear... and also I seem to recall it worked??
Good luck.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Merle, I'm so sorry you've had earache. Along with toothache, I think that is one pain that should be taken out of the equation.

I find a couple of drops of warm olive oil help, too, along with paracetamol (which are swallowed, not put in the ear!).

I hope it doesn't come back and bother you. Take care. Hugs.

Beth E. said...

These are all great! Thanks for always bringing a laugh to my day. :)

I hope your earache is better now...those are so painful!


linda may said...

G'Day Merle,
I wouldn't mind if those 2 blokes sat at my table, but I am pretty sure that they would not have chosen me in the first place.
Love the boots and also walking eagle! That K.Mart greeter job, nah not for me either. :)
I hope the ear ache has gone away for you.
Love Linda.

Christina said...

I wish those particular men would sit at MY table!!!

LOL at the KMart greeter.

I'm glad you ear feels better, and I know how frustrating it can be when your glasses arent right. my husband had to take his pair in for adjustments several times and still cant read with them as well as with the cheaters from wal mart!

Pamela said...

take care of that ear!

I've met kids like that one with the boots.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Your earache sounds painful, maybe you should have a doctor look at it. My daughter gets an earache and it usually an infection.

Loved the jokes, take care.

Dave said...

Excellent jokes Merle!!! Sorry I'm late getting here... hoping you're doing well. *S*

Gledwood said...

Ear-ache? That's something 5 year old children are supposed to get... And it's very painful too, I know. I hope it has totally gone, Merle. If it hasn't you ought to say to it "what is this? Grab a granny competition? Bog off and bother someone 70 years younger!"

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle, I hope your earache is betteras I type this. earaches are very painful.
I had a good laugh at these jokes Specially the Kmart greeter, and poor Norma I hope she got there attention.
Im doing a few comments before dinner as I think my bed will be calling me early tonight,Late nights and Partying till 4 am is catching up with me then traveling. If I sit still I think ill fall asleep. By for now Merle take great care see a Doctor if you still got that earache.. Love Jan.xxxxx

audrey` said...

How is your ear now, Merle?

The warning to all women is so important. Thank you.

The K mart greeter joke is so funny. HaHa!

Take care (((HUGS)))