Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Some Words of Warning.

Post 627 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 1st September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ Spring has begun today here in Australia, not that
it was very warm, but I have a few flowers starting to bloom, so I am
optimistic. The weather bureau tells us we are in for a hot Summer
and the temperatures have been high early this year in Queensland.
There are early fires either side of Sydney at present.

I am so sorry about the fires in California, with so many homes gone
and tragically two firemen have lost their lives. I pray there will not
be more. I hope everyone is enjoying the week so far.
Today was shopping day for me, with no falls this time. All stocked
up and put away.

I have started with a couple of jokes, as the warnings one is rather
long.

The Candy with the Holes.



The children began to identify the flavors by their color :

Red. . . . . . . . . . . . . .Cherry
Yellow . . . . . . . . . . ..Lemon
Green . . . . . . . . . . . Lime
Orange . . . . . . . . . . Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.
None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spat out her lifesaver and
yelled, "Oh, my God, They are a**-holes."

The teacher had to leave the room.
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One from my friend Sharon. Thank you my friend.

Real Love.

A man was sitting on the settee watching TV when he heard his
wife's voice from the kitchen.

What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef, pork or lamb?
He said, "Thank you Love, I'll have chicken."

His wife promptly replies :

"Shut up. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."




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Because of recent abductions -- some words of warning.
My friend Lorraine sent me this one. Thanks, Lorraine.

In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency....
This is for you to share with your wife, your children and everyone you
know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, share them with others.

It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

!. Tip from Tae Kwon Do:
The elbow is the strongest part on your body If you are close enough, use it.

2. Learned this one from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your purse or
wallet. DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.

Toss it away from you. . . .Chances are he is more interested in your wallet
or purse than you, and he will go for it.

RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

3. If you are ever thrown in the trunk of a car, kick out the tail light andxx
stick your hand out of the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver
won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get in their cars after shopping, eating or
working, etc, and just sit (doing their chequebooks, or making a list etc.)

DON'T DO THIS !
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for
him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you
where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET IN THE CAR---

LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head. DO NOT DRIVE
OFF. Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF.

Instead Gun the Engine. and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
YOUR AIRBAG will save you. If the person is in the back seat,
they
will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes, Bail out and run.

It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or garage.
A. Be aware: Look around you. Look into your car, at the passenger
side floor and in the back seat.

B. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger
door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their
vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C. Look at the car parked on the driver's side. . . If a male is sitting alone
in the seat nearest your car; you may want to walk back into the mall or
work and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY>
And better paranoid than dead.

6, ALWAYS take the elavator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are
horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.
Especially at NIGHT.

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control,
ALWAYS RUN. The predator will only hit you (a running target
)
4 in 100 times; and even then it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.
RUN. Preferably in a zig zag pattern.

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP.

It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good
looking well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of
unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp. and often asked
'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted
his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the
night before last and she called Police because it was late and she thought
it was weird.The police told her--"Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window
and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over.

The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do
DO NOT open the door. He told her that they think a serial killer has a
baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking
that someone dropped off a baby.

He said they had not verified it but have had several calls from women
saying that they heard a baby crying outside their homes when they're
home alone at night.

10. Water scam.

If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside
running or what you think is a burst pipe. DO NOT GO OUT TO
INVESTIGATE
. These people turn on all your outside taps on full, so
that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

Stay alert , keep safe, and look out for your neighbors.
This e mail should be taken seriously because the CRYING BABY
theory was mentioned on America;s Most Wanted when they profiled
a serial killer in Louisiana.
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One from my friend Linda L. Thank you Linda.

A retired couple, Margaret and Bert moved to Tamworth. Bert always
wanted a pair of R.M..WILLIAMS boots, so seeing on sale, he bought
them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "No, darl."

Frustrated Bert stormed off to the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for the R.M.Williams
boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice
anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday. it'll be hanging down again
tomorrow., 'cause it's always that way."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN
MARGARET? DO YOU?"
"No Darl," she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT ME NEW
R. M. WILLIAMS Boots !!!!"

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat."
<><>
A few quotes ~ ~ ~

Try to learn something about everything and everything about
something. ~ ~ ~ Thomas H. Huxley.

I have tried to know abso;utely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well. ~~Robert Benchly.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?"
It's a mere formality/It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no.
You're going to get it anyway. ~~ Erma Bombeck.

Age is a question of mind over matter, If you don't mind then
it doesn't matter. ~ ~ ~ Satchel Paige.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that
count. It's the
life in your years. ~ ~ ~ Abraham Lincoln.


To lengthen thy life, lesson thy meals. ~~Bejamin Franklin.
<><>

Time to get myself off to bed. I hope you found something of interest here
Take good care of yourselves and each other My love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 627 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 1st September, 2009.
<><><>

15 comments:

Jack K. said...

Glad to know that your shopping trip was uneventful. Hope you got everything on your list.

Loved the jokes.

I really liked the warnings. I plan to post them on my site as well. I won't even check them at snopes.com. Even if they are false, they make good sense. I'll certainly mention from whom I "borrowed" them.

Margaret Cloud said...

Glad to find you well and your shopping done, with no falling down, ha, ha. The fires in LA, California has now burned 105 thousand acres. I love that picture of the cat, to precious. I liked all those clues for women to be careful, they are very helpful. The one about Margaret and Bert was very funny. Very nice post, thanks for coming by, have a great week, take care and be safe.

Pamela said...

I've told that silly Hat joke for years and years. (Now - as years have gone by, it isn't so funny anymore. bwaaa ha ha ha. )

I've always wondered about gunning the car if you have an unwanted passenger. I've noted recently that some of the women abducted that way had children in the car. Makes everything tougher.

Christina said...

Great post as usual, Merle. Some good safety tips, and funny jokes, esp the candy with the holes. Is that true I wonder? It could be!

Dave said...

Wow... great tips for women Merle!! Safety should always be first.
I'm glad you didn't fall this week and you got your items in the house all safe and sound!

Check out my blog post today.. I think you'll like it! *S*

Lady Di Tn said...

LOL The cat joke and photo were priceless. I have seen a list like that before and it is always good to read it again less we forget. Glad the shopping was done without incident. My flowers are on their last legs as fall and winter are coming.Peace

Jim said...

Hi Merle, I see you are in good form here. Thanks for the list of being careful things.
I had never though about all the water rushing out being done by the bad guys.

I sure liked your and Peter's pictures. They are neat. Sorry I haven't seen them sooner.
Cheers,
..

Puss-in-Boots said...

Now that RM Williams boots one is a classic, Merle. Ain't that a typical Aussie reply?

Hope you're enjoying the warm weather. It was cold here for a couple of days after the heat, but it's warming up again, not to the temperatures of last week though...more's the pity. I love the heat.

Have a good day. Hugs.

LZ Blogger said...

Merle ~ I had heard that Life Saving one a while ago... but had actually forgotten the punch line! OOOPS! ~ jb///

Granny on the Web said...

I am a bit late visiting this week Merle. As usual enjoyed all your stories. The police advice, is very good. I shall email that to my dear friends who live alone.
God's blessings to you.
Love Granny

Patty said...

Dear Merle, once again, some good ones and also some very good information. Happy Spring time to you. Loved the True Love story/joke and also the Bert and Margaret one. Poor Bert should have gotten himself a hat. LOL Happy rest of the week. Trying to get caught up, but sometimes it seems I just get further and further behind. Love, Patty

Gina E. said...

Oh Merle, is it getting so bad here in Oz that we need to think about such scenarios? Surely not...Even as a child in the 50's we were taught about stranger danger, and as you get older common sense should prevail when it comes to one's own safety. Still, I suppose some stark reminders won't go astray..
Love the joke about the husband and the cat - gave Ken something to smile at while he is sitting here next to me, Googling information about chronic heart failure...

JunieRose2005 said...

:)


Hi Merle,

LOL- what a naughty Life Saver joke!! But very funny!! I had heard it too....but I never seem to store them in my memory so they all seem new when I come across them again! (LOL-ONLY ONE of the joys of growing old!!!)

:) Just catching up with you- Happy you are doing ok.

Hugs))


Junie

Gledwood said...

Fires around Sydney ALREADY???

Gledwood said...

The candy-with-holes looks like Polo Fruits which are sticky and to me quite horrible I can't abide them. I'd love chewy sweets with holes but nobody makes them. I love a bit of over-sugared, flavoured gelatine to munch on ...