Sunday, September 06, 2009

An Unstoppable Virus.

Post 628 ~ ~ ~ Sunday 6th September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is well at your house, wherever that
may be and things are going well for you. All OK here at present.
My son John has safely returned from a Far Ride to Tasmania. He
took his Motorcycle on the Princess of Tasmania Ferry. He had a
cabin to sleep through the crossing, but busy riding all round Tassie.
I am always relieved when he gets home.

I hope all the Aussie fathers had a great day today, Father's Day
and got Breakfast in bed perhaps and some gifts. When both your
parents have gone, these days are bittersweet.

My friend Warren sent me the first joke tonight. Thanks Warren
and for the others. This one is called "The Unstoppable Virus."


Now this doesn't apply to me, at least not yet, 'cos I don;t think this
applies to me at least not yet, or have I mentioned this before, at least
I don't think so !!!!!!!

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT...YOUR COMPUTER DAYS MAY BE
NUMBERED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought you would want to know about this e mail virus. Even the
most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of
this one. It appears to affect those who were born before 1960.
Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. That too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to wrong person. Yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. Aha.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. Well darn !

6. Causes you to hit SEND before you're finished. Oh no, not again.

7. Causes you to hit DELETE when you should have hit SEND. I hate that.

8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. Oh No.

IT IS CALLED THE C-NILE VIRUS.

Hmmm... Have I already sent this to you?


<><><>

A few bits and pieces that my friend Embee sent me. Thanks Mike.

To know what we know - and to know what we do not know, that is true
knowledge.

The most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be
sacrificed to expediency. ~ ~ Somerset Maugham.

Old age is nothing but a bad habit which a busy person has no time
for.

You don't have to take a person's advice to make them feel good.
Just ask for it. ~ ~ Lawrence Peters.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

IN PRAISE OF DRINK
There are many good reasons for drinking and one has just come
into my head, if a man can't drink whilst he is living, how the heck
can he drink when he's dead.

Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.
~ ~ ~ McEscher.

An optimist leaves the dishes because he will feel more like washing
them the next day.

Statistics are like alienists - they will testify for either side..
~ ~ ~ Fiorello la Guardia.

Obstacles are those things you see when you take your eyes
off your goal. ~ ~ ~ Henry Ford.

No man thinks there is much ado about nothing when the ado
is about him. ~ ~ ~ Anthony Trollope.

There are two kinds of statistic, the kind you look up and the
kind you make up. ~ ~ Rex Todhunter Stout.

I was trying to daydream - but my mind kept wandering.

The big print giveth - and the small print taketh away.
~ ~ ~ J. Fulton Sheen.

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you, if
you could know how seldom they do. ~ ~ ~ O. Miller.

Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get
away with anything. ~ ~ ~ Evelyn Waugh.

When one is at the bottom of a hole - the best thing that you can
do is to stop digging.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what other people say you
cannot do.

Love a lot, trust a few, but always paddle your own canoe.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the
heck happened.

You cannot think rationally on an empty stomach, and a whole
lot of people cannot do it on a full one.
<><>

One from my friend, Patty called "Grandpa." Thanks Petty.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS
office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed
up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well sir, you have an
extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment. Which you say
that you win money from gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that
believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it." says Grandpa. "How about
a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "OK, go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye." The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it, The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite
my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet. Grandpa takes out his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
thousand dollars, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness He starts to
get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side or your desk, and pee
into that waste-basket on the other side, and never get a drop
anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this old man could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands on one side of the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
waste-basket on the other side. so he pretty much urinates all over
the auditor;s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing he has just turned a major loss
into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you OK?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told
me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five
thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your
desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Don't Mess With Old People!!!
<><>

A few money jokes - - -

He tried hard to budget - but at the end of the money he always has some
month left.

Every time I think I can make ends meet, they move the ends.

If money talks, then why does so much of it seem to say Goodbye.

Money can't buy love, but it can hire a good imitation.
<><>

To conclude this post, a nice quote from Mother Teresa.

It is very important that children learn from their fathers and
mothers how to love one another--- not in the school, not
from the teacher, but from you.
It is very important that you share with your children the joy
of that smile.
There will be misunderstandings; every family has its cross,
its suffering. Always be the first to forgive with a smile.
Be cheerful. Be happy.
<><>

Well, time to close and get off to bed. Have a great week my
friends and look after yourselves and each other. My love and
best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 628 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 6th September, 2009.
<><><>

21 comments:

Granny on the Web said...

Oh Merle, once again I have had a lovely visit here at your blog. Some of the stories I have heard before, but doesn't matter... I can still laugh again.
I hope you and I and Patty can carry on making the blogettes smile!!

Love Granny

Beth E. said...

Hahaha! I enjoyed your jokes Merle!

Glad to hear that your son is home.

Praying that you'll have a great week...

Beth
P.S. I've been wondering...how do you pronounce your name? Does it rhyme with "pearl"?

Jim said...

Hi Merle, you are in good form today! I really liked the auditor/old fellow (how old was he?)/attorney joke. Mrs. Jim couldn't remember the punch line so I had to read it to her also. She laughed and laughed.

I am envious of your son, John. I'd love to ride to Tasmania. I used to take mine on the Bolivar Ferry down in Galveston, Texas, and go over to Bolivar Peninsula. That was a fun ride.

And it's Father's Day. I hope all your dads over there enjoy.

Tomorrow is our Labor Day. We aren't doing anything special. But we have already celebrated Labor Day in France on May 1st.
Cheers,
..

Patty said...

Dear Merle, enjoyed my visit. Today we had a family get together, to celebrate our Grandson's birthday he turned 17 on Aug. 27th. First get together since the 4th. of July. It seems to get harder and harder anymore, not only trying to get everyone together but trying not to have any squabbles. LOL It seems no matter the ages they are, one can always seem to set another one off, and usually it's something very childish and stupid. But we have four daughters whose hormones are all out of whack. It's there age. LOL I don't think there will be another one until Thanksgiving. Us grown ups drew names for a Christmas exchange today, that saves having to buy so many gifts, we each only have to buy one, except for the children, we all buy for them. Tomorrow I want to do some laundry and also damp mop the kitchen floor. Daughter and Granddaughter are going to visit her ex-mother-in-law for a family get together for Labor Day, and also to celebrate our Granddaughter's half sister's birthday, she turned 18 on Sat. and a cousin from NY that will be visiting, she'll be 4. Going to sign off, hope you had a restful sleep. Love, Patty

Peter said...

An optimist leaves the dishes because he will feel more like washing
them the next day.

Sadly I find this doesn't work for more than a week (I run out of dishes).
How are you? I are well.
Bet that takes you back a ways.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Here in the states its the Labor day weekend. I hope the Aussie father had a great one.

I loved the post about the C-nile Virus I think I caught it too, lol.

Janice~

Gledwood said...

Hi Merle the computer really isn't behaving so I'm just saying hi while it lets me type on... Hope all's well your end and all the best to you

take care

Gleds
xx

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle, glad John is home safely...we always worry about our kids, don't we?

Keep well and I hope it's not getting too hot for you yet.

Hugs.

Gledwood said...

PS those Life Saver sweeties are covered in American spellings! "Flavor" would never be allowed here ... for some reason you never see it even on Chinese imported soy sauce etc. Always old British Imperial spellings are used on food. Unlike things like "color" TV sets ... etc

It's funny I was reading something about "British English wins in language teaching wars" ... apparently most students of English worldwide do learn English modelled to a British accent ~ including the Japanese and Chinese. Even when they spell it American-wise, which I think is a bit weird ...

Dave said...

Oh Merle, the joke about the tax collector had me laughing so hard in work people wondered if I was nuts! *ROTFL*

Good ones today...!

Margaret Cloud said...

I am glad your son John returned safe, sounds like he had fun. Love that C-Nile virus. The auditor joke was priceless, loved it. Mother Teresa is absolutely right. Sometimes it is really hard to forgive, especially if you think you are right. Have a great week and take care and be safe.

PEA said...

Dearest Merle,

I don't think it matters how old our children are, we moms worry:-) I'm glad your son arrived home safely but what an adventure it must have been travelling all over Tassie on his motorcycle! My oldest brother and his girlfriend travelled from Vancouver, BC, to my place on his motorcycle a few years back and it took them almost a week to get here!! They loved it and said it was the perfect way to see a lot of the country:-)

I loved "The Unstoppable Virus"...I've no doubt now that I have that C-nile virus as well! LOL

You are always such a pleasure to read, dear Merle, always manage to brighten up my day:-) Take care!! xoxo

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
Glad to hear John's safely back from his ride. Did you get to take care of his Fuzzies or did someone else get the honors. We have a gentleman here who takes his fuzzies with him. The first time I saw his two labs with goggles in his side car, I laughed out loud. The goggles match the color of his bike. Another great post to give us a song in our heart and a big ole grin on our face. Thanks for being such a treasure. Peace

Rosezilla said...

My son always says "87% of statistics are made up on the spot" and of course he changes the number every time he says it. I like that. One of your jokes made me think about my husband's grandma. I met her when I was 17 and she was 77 and she told me she felt just as young as me. Then she'd look in a mirror and think "Who IS that old lady!?" That always stuck with me, and she was right!

Joy Des Jardins said...

Hi dear Merle. So glad to see that John is back safely from his adventure. I hope you've been well sweetie. We've just had our Labor Day weekend here. I spent mine quietly, mostly working on the computer and running errands and then a little with Joe and Jen. Weather here has been nice...already seeing signs of an early autumn....my favorite time of year. Take care sweet friend...Love, Joy

smileymamaT said...

Merle, thank you so much. Your posts (and I really enjoyed this one) always make me smile and I feel like I've had a real visit with you! Tee hee... and your jokes make me laugh... Fruit flies like a banana.... and the bet about the desk... you had me laughing. Oh my goodness. :) Thanks!
Tory

Big Dave T said...

All funny. I like the C-Nile virus. Gonna have to remember that one, while I still can. Heh, heh. I was worried that your "unstoppable virus" was going to be swine flu. That seems unstoppable as well.

My wife and I are taking a ferry from Maine to Nova Scotia next Monday. Hope we don't get seasick.

audrey` said...

HaHa! Your jokes are so funny, Merle =) Unstoppable Virus affects me now and then ^grin^

Take care, Merle dear (((HUGS)))

Pear tree cottage! said...

Hello Merle, it is so lovely to take a moment to allow myself a smile and you were just the ticket!! thank you so much.

Lee-ann

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