Some Words of Warning.

Post 627 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 1st September, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~ Spring has begun today here in Australia, not that
it was very warm, but I have a few flowers starting to bloom, so I am
optimistic. The weather bureau tells us we are in for a hot Summer
and the temperatures have been high early this year in Queensland.
There are early fires either side of Sydney at present.

I am so sorry about the fires in California, with so many homes gone
and tragically two firemen have lost their lives. I pray there will not
be more. I hope everyone is enjoying the week so far.
Today was shopping day for me, with no falls this time. All stocked
up and put away.

I have started with a couple of jokes, as the warnings one is rather
long.

The Candy with the Holes.


The children began to identify the flavors by their color :

Red. . . . . . . . . . . . . .Cherry
Yellow . . . . . . . . . . ..Lemon
Green . . . . . . . . . . . Lime
Orange . . . . . . . . . . Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.
None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spat out her lifesaver and
yelled, "Oh, my God, They are a**-holes."

The teacher had to leave the room.
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One from my friend Sharon. Thank you my friend.

Real Love.

A man was sitting on the settee watching TV when he heard his
wife's voice from the kitchen.

What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef, pork or lamb?
He said, "Thank you Love, I'll have chicken."

His wife promptly replies :

"Shut up. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."



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Because of recent abductions -- some words of warning.
My friend Lorraine sent me this one. Thanks, Lorraine.

In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency....
This is for you to share with your wife, your children and everyone you
know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, share them with others.

It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

!. Tip from Tae Kwon Do:
The elbow is the strongest part on your body If you are close enough, use it.

2. Learned this one from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your purse or
wallet. DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.

Toss it away from you. . . .Chances are he is more interested in your wallet
or purse than you, and he will go for it.

RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

3. If you are ever thrown in the trunk of a car, kick out the tail light andxx
stick your hand out of the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver
won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get in their cars after shopping, eating or
working, etc, and just sit (doing their chequebooks, or making a list etc.)

DON'T DO THIS !
The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for
him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you
where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET IN THE CAR---

LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head. DO NOT DRIVE
OFF. Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF.

Instead Gun the Engine. and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
YOUR AIRBAG will save you. If the person is in the back seat, they
will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes, Bail out and run.

It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or garage.
A. Be aware: Look around you. Look into your car, at the passenger
side floor and in the back seat.

B. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger
door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their
vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C. Look at the car parked on the driver's side. . . If a male is sitting alone
in the seat nearest your car; you may want to walk back into the mall or
work and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY>
And better paranoid than dead.

6, ALWAYS take the elavator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are
horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.
Especially at NIGHT.

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control,
ALWAYS RUN. The predator will only hit you (a running target)
4 in 100 times; and even then it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.
RUN. Preferably in a zig zag pattern.

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP.

It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good
looking well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of
unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp. and often asked
'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted
his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:
Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the
night before last and she called Police because it was late and she thought
it was weird.The police told her--"Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window
and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over.

The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do
DO NOT open the door. He told her that they think a serial killer has a
baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking
that someone dropped off a baby.

He said they had not verified it but have had several calls from women
saying that they heard a baby crying outside their homes when they're
home alone at night.

10. Water scam.

If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside
running or what you think is a burst pipe. DO NOT GO OUT TO
INVESTIGATE. These people turn on all your outside taps on full, so
that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

Stay alert , keep safe, and look out for your neighbors.
This e mail should be taken seriously because the CRYING BABY
theory was mentioned on America;s Most Wanted when they profiled
a serial killer in Louisiana.
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One from my friend Linda L. Thank you Linda.

A retired couple, Margaret and Bert moved to Tamworth. Bert always
wanted a pair of R.M..WILLIAMS boots, so seeing on sale, he bought
them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "No, darl."

Frustrated Bert stormed off to the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for the R.M.Williams
boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice
anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday. it'll be hanging down again
tomorrow., 'cause it's always that way."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN
MARGARET? DO YOU?"
"No Darl," she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT ME NEW
R. M. WILLIAMS Boots !!!!"

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat."
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A few quotes ~ ~ ~

Try to learn something about everything and everything about
something. ~ ~ ~ Thomas H. Huxley.

I have tried to know abso;utely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well. ~~Robert Benchly.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?"
It's a mere formality/It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no.
You're going to get it anyway. ~~ Erma Bombeck.

Age is a question of mind over matter, If you don't mind then
it doesn't matter. ~ ~ ~ Satchel Paige.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the
life in your years. ~ ~ ~ Abraham Lincoln.

To lengthen thy life, lesson thy meals. ~~Bejamin Franklin.
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Time to get myself off to bed. I hope you found something of interest here
Take good care of yourselves and each other My love and best wishes to
you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 627 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 1st September, 2009.
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