The Sunday Paper.

Post 631 ~ ~ ~ Saturday 19th September, 2009.

Hi Everybody ~~ I hope all is well with you and life is good.
I am fine - but alone again (naturally). My visitors did not
arrive, a case of illness with one lot and Geoff and Jo have
changed the date. So I have been giving my neighbors a few
profriteroles, salads etc and stuffed things in the freezer, so
no harm done.

I had a lovely surprise on Wednesday as my dear friends,
Jeanette and her sister Pauline called in for a cuppa. Jan had
brought a cream cake, which the three of us made a mess
of and later, my friend, Michael called so I gave it to him as
there was no room in the fridge for anything more. He
enjoyed it.

Jan was looking good after her two surgeries, one for a
cataract, another for a small lesion below her other eye. So
when that has healed, she has the second cataract done.
She is not supposed to spend much time on the computer,
but will visit you all when she is able. Meanwhile it is nice
to see some recent posts from our friend Wazza.
Keep up the good work Warren.

Thank you to my friend Barbara for "The Sunday Paper."

I just know this will be me someday.

This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you
who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors.
It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are !!




"WHERE IS MY SUNDAY paper?" The irate customer calling the newspaper
office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The
Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY."

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed
by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, fancy that,
so that's why no one was at church today."
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A few more of Sherrill's "Idiots strike everywhere." Thanks Sherrill.

A man wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch
and wrote, "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he got to the teller's window . . . So he left the
Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. .

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller.
She read it, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his
stick-up note because it was on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go
back to the Bank of Queensland. . .

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left. . . .
He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back
at the Bank of Queensland. Happened at Noosa.
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A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash in the cash-drawer. . . After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't think you are
over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him . . . At this point, the robber took
his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. . .
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over
21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that she got off the licence.
They arrested him 2 hours later.
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Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some
booze and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head
at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious.

It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi Glass.
The whole event was seen on video-tape. Perth, WA.
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I was at the airport checking in a the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without
my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Melbourne.
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When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up
our car, we were told the car keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic
working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "It's open."

In reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the FORD dealership at DUBBO NSW.
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My friend in England sent me this one. Thanks, Embee.
A fun one to type !!!

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch

On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were
driving through Wales. At the town of:-

Llanfairpwllgwyngy;;gogoerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch

They stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress,

"Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us.

Can you pronounce where we are, very, very very slowly?"


The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr? gurr? king?
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One from Warren --- Thanks mate.
Now I'm not having a go at the Kiwis, but they do have a
reputation . . . . don't they????

A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realised that they were on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two
animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and
better to the lonely Kiwi.

Soon he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until he took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets but
there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another ship-
wreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most
beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad
way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to
their evening ritual.

It was another beautiful evening . . . red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon the
Kiwi started to get "those feelings" again. He fought the urges as
long as he could, but he finally gave in and, realising he now had the
opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously and
whispered in her ear,

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk.?"
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A joke from my good friend Linda May -- Thanks Linda.

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife.
"I can't lie to you," he replied. I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

She looked down at his shoes and said,

"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf."
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(I have some more of these for next time.)
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Never judge a book by its movie. ~~~ J. W. Egan.

Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it.
write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will
care for it. ~ ~ ~ Jesse Stuart.

An actress can only play a woman. I am an actor, I can play
anything. ~ ~ ~ Whoopi Goldberg.

You know it's a terrible thing to appear on television, because
people think that you actually know what you are talking about.
~ ~ ~ Daivid Attenborough.

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately
unrehearsed. ~ ~ ~ Sean O'Casey.

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.
~ ~ ~ Louis Armstrong.
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Time to call it a day for this post. John will be heading home in
the morning - it takes most of 2 days. I am glad he and his biker
companion spent 2 nights at Peters. Thanks for having them
litlle brother, hope they haven't been too much trouble.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 631 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 19th September, 2009.
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