Friday, December 11, 2009

About Heart Attacks.

Post 649 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 11th December, 2009.

Hi Everyone ~~ How are things with you all? Looking forward to the
weekend I guess. We have had a cool change here for a few days
and it is warming again, but two really cool days for summer. Even
had a blanket on the last two nights.

I will start tonight with the photo taken a few years ago at our friend's
home. We went to visit them recently and I love this piece of iron in
the shape of Australia. It should enlarge to read the words.






I have been writing on some Christmas cards today, so it is certainly
the time for Peace and Love. A lovely time to keep in touch with
friends and relatives.

My good friend Linda L sent me this article about Heart attacks and it
just might help someone. Thank you Linda.

HEART ATTACK ~~ THE NEW ASPIRIN ~~ IMPORTANT READ .......

Something that we can do to help ourselves. Nice to know.

Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve under the tongue.
They work much faster than the tablets.

About Heart Attacks -- Why keep aspirin by your bedside?

There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides the pain in the
left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin,
as well as nausea and lots of sweating. However these symptoms
may occur less frequently.

Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.
The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during
their sleep did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may
wake you from your deep sleep. If that happens, immediately dissolve
two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.

Afterwards:

~Phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by.

~ Say "heart attack".

~ Say that you have taken 2 aspirins.

~ Take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for
their arrival and ~~ Do NOT lie down.

A cardiologist has stated that, if each person after receiving this
e mail sends it to 10 people, probably one life can be saved.
<><>

More of my friend Gina 's different meanings. The Washington Post
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding
subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n):The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffi (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.(This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending all these really
bad vibes, right? And the, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious
bummer.

10. Decafalon (n): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem to get
smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be c
ast out.

15. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you are eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a*****e.
<><>

A Mountain Wings item by Fred Taylor. Walking with a wolf.

In nature, tigers are not monogamos animals. Both male and female
tigers have several mates over their lifetime. Even when you call
a person a tiger, monogamous is not what comes to mind.

What is one of the few inherently monogamous mammals?
Oddly enough, it is the wolf.

Wolves mate for life and remain faithful to their life mate,

A wolf is often what a man is called who chases women, but the
name is a total misnomer. It is the wolf that is faithful.

Often we get things totally backwards.
<><>

One from my friend Warren. Thanks mate.
For all the golfers out there . . . .

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf... Unfortunately,
the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window
of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful. Now we'll have to
go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy
drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying
on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke
my window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that," the husband muttered.

"Oh, no apology necessary. Actually I want to thank yo... You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you have released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.
I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one
for myself.."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long healthy life. And now, young lady, what
do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world." she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said, "And your homes will always be
safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters."

"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven'tbeen with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with
your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we
both now have a fortune and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but
what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband, "I'd do the same
for you."

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three
hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into
her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we are both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO S**T," he said. "Thirty-five years old and you both still believe
in genies?"

<><>

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her heand and said, "My family went to my granddad's
farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
'fascinate', not fascinating' ."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City
and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was a good try Sally, but I wanted you
to use the word 'fascinate'."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no
way he cold damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his
offering.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina hass a sweater with ten buttons, but her
boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher just sat down and cried.
<><>

A few quotes to finish with and to get over that joke....

He who laughs, lasts. ~ ~ ~ Mary Pettibone Poole.

I live to laugh and I laugh to live. ~ ~ ~ Milton Berle.

Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
~ ~ ~ Hans Christian Anderson.

Live as though it were your last day on earth. Someday you will
be right. ~ ~ ~ Robert Anthony.

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.
~ ~ ~ Arthur Rubenstein.

Life is like a great big canvas. Throw all the paint you can at it.
~ ~ ~ Danny Kaye.

The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has
sight, but no vision. ~ ~ ~Helen Keller.

Well time to close and get to bed. I hope you found something
of interest among that lot. Take great care of yourselves and
and each other. Only 14 more sleeps until Christmas Day.
Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheers, Merle.

Post 649 ~ ~ ~ Friday, 11th December, 2009.
<><><>

18 comments:

Dave said...

Excellent post as always Merle! Hope you have a wonderful weekend! *S*

Gramma Ann said...

Loved the quotes and you put a chuckle in my day.

Peter said...

Arachnoleptic fit I've done that one often!!!!

Thanks for your hospitality... was good fun visiting.

Big Dave T said...

Your column is always a great read here. Those word turns from the Washington Post gave me a few chuckles. I suffer from sarchasm a lot. Sometimes I don't get the jokes. But I thought that was a great golf joke. Didn't see that punchline coming.

We lost my brother-in-law to a sudden heart attack. He was only 48. I don't think aspirin would have helped him, but you never know.

I hear a giant iceberg is headed your way. So be careful out on the waterways there.

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
It is so nice to see the heart attack advise. Thanks. I love the little Johnny jokes and the genie one was hysterical. I have also been doing snail mail cards to those folks who do not own computers. I much rather do e mail cards because I feel like I am saving some trees. Peace and Love to you also.

Fred said...

Same weather here, Merle. It was below average for a few days. But, it's warming up now.

I loved the story about the teacher. I've been tempted to cry many times, believe me.

Hope all is well!

Patty said...

Good morning Merle, Raining here and temp is 36, if it drops more, we'll have a mess. Loved Gina's different meanings. Must admit the golfer wasn't too bright was he. LOL And you can't beat jokes about little Johnny. Well time to get to the kitchen and start some breakfast, this morning I'm making pancakes and bacon. If you were closer I would bring you a few over for your breakfast, but I'm sure it's probably lunch/dinner time for you. Although we have already had pancakes for other meals. I can remember when the kids were small and I served pancakes for lunch one day, they thought they couldn't eat them because they were a breakfast food, I explained you can eat them anytime you want. In fact we had one daughter that wouldn't eat breakfast foods, I always opened a can of soup, or spaghetto's for her. I figured what difference as long as she ate something before school.
Have a great rest of this Sunday. I've got Christmas cards to get ready for the mail tomorrow. Love Patty

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thank you, Merle, for the smiles that this post gave me. And, for the information about Bayer's new product; I shall get some -- just in case.

Blessings to you & yours!

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

That was a very good infromation on heart attacks.

Have a great weekend, and a great week.

Janice~

Rosezilla said...

Hello, Merle! Love your jokes (and the albino peacock too!) The words and definitions were really funny. Merry Christmas!

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle. As usual I love your jokes. Everyone needs a good laugh now and then and visiting your blog it the right place to find them!
Isn't the peacock beautiful? I have seen it before. It's tail looks like a lot of lace.
We have show today but at least it has warmed up from the bone chilling temps of last week.
Hope you have a nice Christmas!

Margaret Cloud said...

Tyhat is a nice piece of iron work. I thank you for passing on the heart attack message. The quotes were funny, liked the bozone one. I love the Genie one, I was hooked until the last, good one. Amen to Helen Keller. Thanks again for the email, hope you have a nice week, take care and be safe my friend.

Jim said...

Fasten eighting post, Merle.

That genie was unusual, most are women.

I liked your iron work, Adi likes to get off the path too:
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it"
Cheers,
..
Sorry I've been absent for a bit, I bit off more than I could chew.
..

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Merle. It's been a while since I've done the rounds...naughty me.

I'm glad you all had a great time at Jen's and that her eyes are healing. It's been very humid up here and we got to 40 C. Today was cool by comparison...only 33 C.

If I don't back to you beforehand, have a wonderful Christmas with your family.

Hugs.

Jeanette said...

Hi Dear Merle.Im slowly starting to make my way around blogland.Ive missed a lot here in my absence. great post as always Good advice on heart attack and I love little Johny jokes..
Had eye test today orderef new glasses left eye still hard to read chart and in 3 months will have another eye test hopeflly there expecting it to improve the downside I will have to get new left lens for glasses but optomistist said tolong for me to go without glasses .as without its causing more strain.
Take care dear Merle stay inside with air con going to be low 40's and this silly bugger has been picked in the pennant team tomorrow Start play early 9oclock so hopefully will be over by 1.30.so we can get inside out of the heat.. love Janxxx

Gina E. said...

Glad you liked those definitions, Merle. Somebody sent me a whole heap of those kind of jokes - I'm sure I sent them all on to you? There were puns and howlers among them.
Hope you survived today; hottest day since Black Saturday...I stayed home all day just in case I had to use the tank water. Ken says I'm pessimistic, but I say I'm a realist. Extreme heat, strong winds and lots of trees are not a good combination..
Tomorrow I'm lunching with Val and Connie - two ex-bloggers that I've stayed in touch with. We three are very craft-minded, so there will be lots of show and tell :-)

audrey` said...

I like the piece of artwork in iron too, Merle. It's a very creative piece of iron. Does it rust? =)

Bill Edwards said...

Own the domain CrystalAspirin. Submit your offer at http://domaineering.wordpress.com/2010/02/02/crystal-aspirin-crystalaspirin-com