Post 648 ~~ Sunday, 6th December, 2009.
Dear Friends ~ ~Will try to do a post tonight, although I am tired to start with.
I hope your lives are going well, and the weather is not too unkind for you.
Here it is warming up but only to 31 C so I am happy about that. Yesterday, I
got a really nice surprise when Peter rang to say he was on his way. So we are
both in the cool and playing on our computers and Peter has helped me with a
few problems I have had with mine. He has a few more friends and relatives
to see before he heads for home. He had said he may come back, but I wasn't
sure he would. We have been talking of old times and the recent demise of our
old family home at Dixons Creek and playing "Remember when etc"
The first item tonight is a couple of pictures from my friend Lorraine
and they are lovely, sent by e mail Thanks you Lorraine.
They are 2 pictures of an Albino Peacock. Beautiful.
In all his glory -- full show for us.
Close-up of the same peacock.
Next on the menu is a List from the Washington Post to its yearly
Contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings
for common words. Sent by my good friend, Gina. Thank you.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n) -- the person upon whom one coughs.
2.Flabbergasted (adj) - appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v) - to give up all hope of having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj) -- impotent.
6. Negligent (adj) - describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly
answer your door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v) - - to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n) olive-flavored mouth-wash.
9. Flatulence (n) - emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n) - a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n) - a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n) - the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctocologists.
13. Pokemon (n) - a Rastafarian proctocologist.
14. Oyster (n) - a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n) - (back by popular demand): the belief that
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n) - an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
There are another set of these for another time.
The Importance of Correct Punctuation.
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous,
kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless
and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you.
I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever
happy -- will you let me be yours?
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous,
kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless
and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you
I have no feelings whatsoever. When we are apart, I can be forever
happy. Will you let me be?
My dear friend Patty sent me this next one, which is called
Ten Thoughts to Ponder. Thank you for these Patty.
Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich.
No. 7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,teach a person to
use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
No. 6. Some people are like a Slinky....Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you shove them downstairs.
No. 5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals,
dying of nothing.
No. 4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
No.3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial
tax cut saves you $30.00?
No. 2. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
No 1. Thought for 2009 -- "Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;
What you do today, might Burn your A** Tomorrow.
Next one from my good friend Robyn and it is one of the funniest things
in a long time. Needless to say the Help Desk employer was fired.
Actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations.)
Operator : Ridge Hall Computer assistance; may I help you?
Caller : Yes, well I'm having trouble with Word Perfect'
Operator What sort of trouble??
Caller: Well, I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words
Operator: Went away?
Caller: They disappeared.
Operator:Hmm, so what does your screen look like now?
Caller : Nothing.
Caller : It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type.
Operator : Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Caller: How do I tell?
Operator : Can you see the C prompt on the screen??
Caller : What's a sea-prompt?
Operator : Never mind, can you move the cursor around the screen?
Caller : There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
Operator : Does your monitor have a power indicator??
Caller : What's a monitor?
Operator : It's the thing with a screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light on it that tells you when it's on??
Caller : I don't know.
Operator : Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??
Caller : Yes, I think so.
Operator: Great, Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller : Yes it is.
Operator : When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it,not just one??
Operator : Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
Caller : Okay, here it is.
Operator : Follow it forme, and tell me if it's plugged into the back of your computer.
Caller : I can't reach.
Operator : Uh-huh. Well, can you see if it is??
Caller : No.
Operator : Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??
Caller : Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.
Operator : Dark ??
Caller : Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
Operator : Well, turn on the office light then.
Caller : I can't.
Operator : No? Why not??
Caller : Because there's a power failure.
Operator : A power ........ A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've get it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals a d packing stuff your
computer came in??
Caller : Well, yes. I keep them in the closet.
Operator : Good , go get them, unplug your system and pack it all up just like
it was when you got it. Then take it to the store you bought
Caller : Really, is it that bad?
Operator : I'm afraid it is.
Caller : Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Operator : Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer !!!!
Due to the frequency of human-bear encounters , the Fish and Wildlife
Department is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and any persons
that use the out of doors in a recreational or work related function to
take extra precautions while in the field.
We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to
give advanced warning to any bears that may be close by, so you don't
take them by surprise.
We also advise anyone using the out of doors to carry "Pepper Spray" with
them in case of an encounter with a bear.
Outdoorsman should alao be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able
to tell the difference between black bear droppings and grizzly bear droppings.
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and squirrel fur.
Grizzlybear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper.
To do this, we suggest you climb a tree. If the bear chases you up the tree,, it's
a black bear. If the bear knocks the tree down, it's a grizzly bear.
Well, it is time to close for this post. Stay well and stay warm or cool as the case
may be. Love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 648 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 5th December, 2009.