Post 672 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 30th March, 2010.
Hello my dear friends ~~ I hope everything is going well in your lives and
that the weather is more to your liking. The weather here is great, not
too hot or too cold. Lovely sunny days, but we need more rain - (without
the high winds).
Well I got my results yesterday from the CT scan and the doctor and I were
both quite surprised. I have no cancer, no emphysema, but something
called Bronchiectasis (he wrote it down for me) Don't know much about it
but see a Specialist on 20th April. The other big surprise was not so good.
I have a thoracic aorta aneurysm , 3 X 2 inches. In a good spot if I need
an operation. I see a Specialist for that on 23rd April. So it has been a
bit of a shock, but am trying not to worry until I have to.
My dear friend Patty sent me "The Power of Prayer" Thanks you Patty.
'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.'
When God takes something away from your grasp, He's not punishing you,
but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
Concentrate on this sentence. . . .
'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect
you.' Something good will happen to you today, something you have been
waiting to hear.
JUST 27 WORDS.
God Our Father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and
illnesses; and Please watch over and heal my family in Jesus' Name. Amen.
This prayer is so powerful. Pass it on to others who need a prayer.
A blessing is coming to you in some form, it might be a new job, a house,
marriage, your health or financial matters. Pass it on. God is good and
there is power in prayer.
Some more blonde jokes from my friend Jim - thank you.
Blonde on the Sun.
A Russian, an American and a blonde were talking one day, The Russian
said, "We were the first in space."
The American said, "We were the first on the moon.'
The Blonde said, " So what? We are going to be the first on the sun."
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun you idiot."You'll burn up said the Russian.
To which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
IN A VACUUM.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled
the dice and she landed on Science and Nature.
Her question was, "If you were in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Finally the Blonde joke to end all blonde jokes.
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs.
The girl asked what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one
was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOO.....," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
Some Irish jokes from Patty. Thanks for these.
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
removing the olives and placed them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the
Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer who was puzzled
over what McQuillan had done. "what was that all about?"
"Nothing," said the Irishman, "Me wife sent me out for a jar of olives."
The Lost Luggage.
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if
he was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman, "I've lost my luggage."
"How did that happen?"
"The cork fell out." said the Irishman.
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the Brothel
across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
"Aye, it's a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel and the other Irishman said,
"Aye, it's a shame to see that the Jews are falling victim to temptation."
Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen
said, "What a terrible pity. .. one of the girls must be quite ill."
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket
when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg..
"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood."
One from my English friend Mike Burridge. Thanks for this one.
Beer and Men. This is worrying.
Beer contains female hormones. Last month, Wits University and RAU
scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the
presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into
women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each
within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
Mike also sent this puzzle. Thanks again.
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School
of Psychiatry at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it.
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
My cousin Bill sent me the next one. Thanks Bill.
Italian Tomato Garden.
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual
tomato garden, but knew it was very difficult work, as the ground was
His only son Vincent, who used to help him was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be
over . . .I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the
old days. Love, Papa.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
At 4 a m FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area
without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That''s the best I
could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie.
Last one from my good friend Linda L. Thanks for The Canny Scotsman,
A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey Miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100
"Are you nuts ?" she replies and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she
does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 pounds?" he asks.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?'
So the Scotsman rubs around the next block and faces her again. "Would
you let me bite your breasts for 10,000 pounds ?"
She thinks about ir for a while and then says, "Hmmm, 10,000 pounds.
OK just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley overr there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the
most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them, and starts caressing them,
fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in
them but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite
them or not?"
"Nay," says the Scotsman. Costs too much."
Well, it is time to say Goodnight my friends until another day.
Geoff and Jo are coming up Thursday for the night and Geoff will do
some garden jobs for me and after lunch they will go for a trailer-load
of wood for their heater. Look after yourselves and have a very Happy
Easter. Enjoy some time off work. Love and Best Wishes to you all.
Post 672 ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, 30th March, 2010.