Saturday, April 03, 2010

Job Hunt.

Post 673 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 3rd April, 2010.

Hello Everyone
~~ I hope you are all enjoying Easter and having a few days off work.
I am fine and enjoyed having Joanne and Geoff and also John and Heather called
in for a while. Always good to see all of them. Geoff worked in the garden
and they left after lunch to get their firewood. About an hour from here,
and Geoff rang to say they were safely home a while ago.

I received a good fwd from my friend Lorraine and will put it on first as the
pictures seem all over the place. It is called JOB HUNT.

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice Factory, but I got canned.
Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't
hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- because it
was a sew-sew job.

4. Next I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then tried being a Chef - figured it would add a
little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next I attempted being
a Deli Worker, but anyway I
sliced it...couldn't cut the

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

9. Next was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't
live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Centre, but they
said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got
a job as a Historian -- until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because
it was the same old gr



Cleaning Poem.

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess
He asked if I had been 'computering',
And I had to answer 'yes.'

He told me to get off my butt,
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up - - -
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside
That really did the trick
I was just admiring my good work.
I didn't mean to 'click.'

But click I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into it -
I was into it all night.

So nothing's changed except my mouse.
It's as shiny as the sun.
I guess my house will stay a mess . . . .
While I sit here on my bum.

Thank you for being my e mail buddies and friends.

One from my good friend Sharon called Irish Pub. Thank you.

Two women sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while one looks
at the other and says, " I can't help but think from listening to you that
you're from Ireland, The other woman responds proudly, "Yes, I sure
am." The first one says, So am I. And where about in Ireland are you from?"

The other woman answers, "I'm from St. Johns, I am." The first one
responds. "So am I. And what street did you live on?"
The other woman says, "A lovely little area it was in the west end. I lived
on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.
The first one says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I. So did I. And
what school did you go to?"
The other woman answers, "Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course."

The first one gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me what year
you graduated?"
The other woman answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964 ."
The first woman answers, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us.
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me-self."

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters,
" It's going to be a long night, tonight.
Michael asks, "Why do you say that Brian?"

Brian answers, "The Murphy twins are drunk again."
One from my good friend Patty called "The Parrot."

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said, $20.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, " Look, I should first tell you that
the bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it
says some pretty vulgar

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the
bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room, and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her and said, "New house,
new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then she
thought "that's not really so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw
them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but they began to laugh
about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been
Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith came home from
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."

Thank you Sue and Bob for the Traffic Camera.

She was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera . She figured
that her picture had been taken for exceeding the speed limit, even
though she knew that she was not speeding.

Just to be sure, she went around the block and passed the same spot,
driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now she began to think that this was quite funny, so she drove even
slower as she passed the area once more, but the camera again flashed.

She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now
laughing as the camera flashed as she rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, she got five tickets in the mail for driving without a
seat belt.

You can't fix stupid.

Another from my British friends, Sue and Bob. Thank you.
Tell Me This Won't Happen to Us !!!!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a
week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me . . . I know we've been friends
for a long time, but I just can't think of your name. I've thought
and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me your name..."

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes, she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you want to know?"

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman
I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful."

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them."

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car . . .both could
hardly see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they
came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself,
'I must be losing it . . .I could have sworn we just went through
a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the
light was red. Again, they went right through The woman in the
passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was
really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they
went on through. So she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred, did you know we just ran through three red lights in a
row? You could have killed us both."

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

Time to call it a day, Enjoy your lives my friends and be Happy.
Share a smile with someone who doesn't have one. Say a kind
word to someone who appears to need it. You may just make
someone happier. Love and best wishes to you all.
Cheer, Merle.

Post 673, Saturday, 3rd April, 2010.


Jack K. said...

Today will be a better day knowing all is well with you. The jokes help too. Chuckle.

Winifred said...

Have a lovely Easter Merle.

Loved the computering poem!

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle. I'm so glad to hear you are doing well. I am sorry to hear about the new problems though and pray the Lord will be with you and bring you out of it stronger and totally well.
Your jokes are a hoot!! I laughed so hard I nearly choked!LOL
I copied some and sent to family & friends.
Take care.
Lots of hugs too.

Peter said...

Hi Merle.... Happy Easter, I've been eatin' chocolate for you.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Happy Easter, Merle. Glad to hear all is well with you.

Loved those last jokes about the think I have that to look forward to...or am I already there? Sometimes I think I am...


Dave said...

*LOL* Great jokes Merle... especially the Irish Pub and Traffic cam ones!

Hope you have a great week..

Patty said...

So glad you had some enjoyable time with your family. It's nice to see family come for a visit but it's also nice to see them go and the house is quiet again. LOL

Love all of your jokes, especially the one about the Murphy Twins.

Take care and don't over do things.

Lady Di Tn said...

I see you had a lovely visit with the kids. I did a little supervising this weekend too. Prince has been very kind to help with gardening as it is not his favorite thing to do. The job history was a hoot. Peace

Lee said...

I hope that the rest of your Easter was a happy one, too, Merle. It's all over for another year and now I'm back to doing some housework after spending a very lazy long weekend.

Take good care. Hugs.

audrey` said...

The "Cleaning Poem" is so funny =)

Jeanette said...

Dear Merle.
Hope you had a lovely Easter.
I had all the family here for Easter had a lovely time getting waited on and a few little jobs got done, Kids had fun in the pool. A lovely Time was had by all.

Loved all your jokes The Job was my favorite And the cleaning one.
I think i got a couple of them ready but well worth a another read.. ill post in the next day or 2//
Take care Merle .. Love Janxxxxx

Beth E. said...

These are great jokes, as always! I really got a laugh out of the Traffic Camera joke. :-)

I read your most recent post about your family visiting. I know you enjoyed having them there! My family was together over the Easter weekend. We had a wonderful time together.

I pray that you are feeling better and better with each day, sweet Merle.


Margaret Cloud said...

It is nice to have family come by. Those were good from Lorraine. Yes, I need to concentrate more on cleaning. Very good jokes as usual.