Hello My Friends ~~ Nice to be back with you after a really nice week.
I hope you all had a great Easter with lots of goodies and family and
friends. I had Geoff and Joanne on Good Friday for a night, and John
often pops in. My daughter Kathy rang on Sunday night to see if I
had other visitors, and then she and four of her kids came Monday
and stayed until Wednesday. That was a really nice surprise for me
and we all enjoyed the time together.
Back- Kathy, Nick 14, and Kate 22.
Front- Kristen 16, and Jorja 11.
The photo with me and the kids got lost.
First joke tonight from my friend Linda L. Thanks.
THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children.Then Ted died of heart disease.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Again Judy remarried, and this time she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret : "Margaret, do you think he means her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?" Margaret replied: "No, I think he means her legs, Ethel..." <><><>
My good friend Barbara sent me this next story called The Train of Life.
Some folks ride the train of life Looking out the rear, Watching miles of life roll by, And marking every year.
They sit in sad remembrance, Of wasted days gone by, And curse their life for what it was, And hang their head and cry.
But I don't concern myself with that, I took a different vent, I look forward to what life holds, And not what has been spent.
So strap me to the engine, As securely as I can be, I want to be out in front,, To see what I can see.
I want to feel the winds of change, Blowing in my face, I want to see what life unfolds, As I move from place to place.
I want to see what's coming up, Not looking in the past, Life's too short for yesterdays, It moves along too fast.
So if the ride gets bumpy, While you are looking back, Go up front, and you may find, Your life has jumped the track.
It's all right to remember, That's part of history. But up front's where it's happening, There's so much mystery.
The enjoyment of living, Is not where we have been, It's looking ever forward, To another year and ten.
It's searching all the byways, Never should you refrain, For if you want to live your life, You've gotta drive the train.. All Aboard Everyone. <><>
Next item is NOT a joke, rather a warning from my friend Linda May. It is Australian but mya be similar elsewhere. Thanks Linda.
I got a call last night from an individual identifying himself as a Telstra Service technician who was conducting a test on our Telephone lines. He stated to complete the test I should touch nine (9), zero (0) hash and then hang up.
Luckily, I was suspicious and refused. Upon contacting the telephone company, I was informed that by pushing 90#, you give the requesting individual full access to your telephone line, which allows them to place long distance telephone calls billed to your phone number.
I was further informed that this scam has been from many local goals/prisons.
DO NOT press 90# for ANYONE. Please .Pass this on to friends. Detective Senior Constable Stephen Cooper; Victoria Police, Melbourne, Victoria. <><>
A Late Easter post from my friend Barbara. Thank you.
All I need to know I learned from the Easter Bunny.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jelly beans.
Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.
May the joy of the season fill your heart and may God Bless you. <><>
My next one is from my friend Patty and it is about puns. The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying 2 dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam."
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your Kayak and heat it.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, " I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novacain during a root canal? His goal : transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess- nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars, and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was one person (who will remain nameless) who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. <><>
Another from my friend Linda May. Thank you for this one.
William Lake BC - a vacationing senior RCMP Commissioned Officer from Ottawa narrowly escaped serious injury recently when he decided to try horseback riding, even though he had no lessons or prior experience.
He mounted the horse, and the horse almost immediately sprang into action. As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the Officer be began to slip from the saddle. He grabbed for the horse's mane, but could not get a firm grip. He tried to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he began to slide down the the side of the horse anyway.
The horse galloped along, seemingly impervious to the slipping rider. Finally, losing his frail grip, the Officer attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot became entangled in the stirrup, and now he was at the mercy of the horse as his head struck against the ground over and over and over.
As his head was being battered against the ground and he was mere moments away from unconsciousness, to his great fortune, a retired RCMP Constable, who was shopping at Wal-Mart, saw him and quickly unplugged the horse. <><>
My friend Linda sent these famous quotes - - thanks again Linda.
Sometimes when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." ~ ~ ~ Lillian Carter. (Mother of Jimmy Carter.)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But is was not pleased to read a description in the catalogue,."No good in bed, but fine against a wall." ~ ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~~~ Mark Twain.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. ~ ~ ~ George Burns.
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. ~ ~ ~ Victor Borge.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ ~ Mark Twain.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad wife you'll become a philosopher. ~ ~ ~ Socrates.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~~ Groucho Marx.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~ ~ ~ Jimmy Durante.
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~~ Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups :- alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. ~ ~ ~ Alex Levine.
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. ~~Roger Dangerfield.
Money can't buy you happiness...But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~ ~ ~ Spike Milligan.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. ~ ~ ~ Joe Namath.
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap . . Bob Hope.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things fish do in it. ~ ~ W. C. Fields.
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~ ~ ~ Will Rogers.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~Winston Churchill.
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out. ~ ~ ~ Phyllis Diller.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step he's too old to go anywhere.~ ~ ~ Billy Crystal.
And the cardiologist's diet :- If it tastes good, spit it out. <><><>
Time for me to close and get myself to bed. Take care of yourselves and enjoy your lives. Love and Best Wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 674 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 8th April, 2010. <><><>