Monday, May 31, 2010

Surprised.

Post 685 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 31st May, 2010.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope all is going well in your lives, as it is here for
me. It has been a busy week with lots of lovely surprises, visitors and
phone calls. Now I am on my own again but the home care lady comes
tomorrow and so life goes on.

It was nice to have my son Geoff and his wife Joanne at the weekend.
It has rained all week, drizzly fine rain without much actual rain, so there
was no gardening to do for a nice change for Geoff. So we went shopping
instead and I bought 2 new electric blankets for my two spare rooms.
The others were working, but were fairly old. These are nice fitted ones.

John went on a FarRide again left 5 am Friday and home last night about
5 pm - all the way to Queensland and safely home again. Over 1000 km
each way. And there was rain quite a bit of the way.

I have a nice little poem tonight from Mountain Wings called "Surprised."
It is well worth a read.

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well. . .

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take,
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must have made a mistake.

"And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue."
"Hush, child," He said, "they're all in shock,
No one thought they'd be seeing you."

Judge Not !! Author Unknown.
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Now for some jokes. First one from my friend Pearl in U.S. Thanks,

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said,
"You have always been a good cat all these years. Anything you want
is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a moment and then said,"All my life I lived on a farm
and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep
on. God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they went to
Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer
that He made the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we've had to run all our lives: from cats, dogs,
and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller
skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered,"It is done."All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her
sound asleep on her fluffy pilllow. God gently awakened the cat and
asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you
happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh it's
WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in
my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you
have been sending over are delicious."
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A few short Life thoughts from my friend Linda in Canberra. Thanks.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess on it.
So I said, "Implants?" She hit me.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

How come they choose from just two people to run for president
and over fifty for Miss America?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into
my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed
up in the first place.

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping;, now we just
'chunky dunk.

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to
tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press "Crt Alt Delete" and start all over? AMEN.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can
in prison?

Wouldn't you know it . . . Brain cells come and brain cells go, but
FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten
Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher
and, since it is in English, thank a soldier.?
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One from my friend, Gina. Priest Retirement Dinner. Thanks.

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 26
years in the parish. A leading politician, and member of the
congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give
a little speech. This keynote speaker was delayed, so the priest
decided to say his own few words as they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession
I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had
stolen a television set and when questioned by the police, was able
to lie his way out of it.

He confessed to have stolen money from his parents, embezzled
from hos employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal
drugs and given VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days
passed, I knew that my people were not all like that and I had,
indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people." . . .

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the
presentation and gave his talk . . . . . . . .

"I'll never forget the first day that our parish priest arrived," said the
politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to
him in confession."
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Another from Gina. Thank you. I seem obsessed with Heaven tonight!!
It is called "Pakistani Taxi Driver."

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven . . . .

He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them . . . .

"Yes?" asks St Peter.

"I am here for Jesus," say the Pakistani.

St. Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi is here."
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I will finish tonight with a few quotes I hope you will enjoy.

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an
open one. ~ ~ Malcolm Forbes.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
~ ~ ~ Daniel J Boorstin.

It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will
not live long enough to make them all yourself.
~ ~ ~ Hyman C Rickover.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
~ ~ ~ Benjamin Franklin.

My advice to you is to get married: if you find a good wife you'll be
happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. ~ ~ ~ Socrates.

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should
have her and his own bathroom. The end. ~~Catherine Zeta-Jones.

The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something
to love and something to hope for. ~~~ Allen K Chalmers.
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That is enough for this post. I hope you found something of interest
or got a chuckle from. Take good care of yourselves and your
loved ones. Love and Best Wishes to you all. And again, thank you
so much to those who sent birthday greetings. Cheers, Merle.

Post 685 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 31st May, 2010,
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9 comments:

Dave said...

Great jokes as usual Merle!

Glad you had a great weekend with family. *S*

daffy said...

Hi Merle, first of all, Belated Birthday Greetings... and for Peter.
I loved your stories tonight Merle. Lovely! xx

daffy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Beth E. said...

Surprises, visitors, and phone calls are always such fun...I'm glad you had a good weekend, Merle!

Thank you for the jokes. They always make me smile. I especially got a chuckle over the Meals on Wheals joke!

Love,
Beth

Pearl said...

I am so glad you enjoyed the "Meals on Wheels" joke. My silly brother sent it to me and I had to share it with you.
Hope you are doing well.
Hugs,

Big Dave T said...

Your humor is always worth a chuckle. So your electric blankets are old but still work? We've bought electric blankets twice, same brand, and they only last a couple years. You must buy a better brand than we do.

Margaret Cloud said...

Boy, you are sure blessed with company lately, glad for you. I liked the heaven one. That was a good one by Gina. Very funny post as usual. Have a nice weekend.

Janice said...

I loved the one about the cat and the meals on wheels.

Have a super weekend.

Janice~

Puss-in-Boots said...

Meals on wheels...lol. I loved that one, Merle.

It's lovely having visitors, isn't it? My girls are always dropping in, too.

I hope all is well with you, Merle.

Take care.

Hugs