Hi Everybody ~~ i hope your lives are going well and enjoying every
day. I am starting a bit late tonight, so see how I go. I defrosted
my small freezer today and that took quite a lot of time and energy.
It hadn't been done for a fair while, but is good again now. And I have
recovered from all that bending etc.
My son, John has had a couple of bad weeks, having skin cancers
removed from his face. hands and the calf of one leg. One on his
forehead was a nasty one. He was told it was an invasive one, and
had only a millimeter clearance around it. So to be safe, the Dr cut
more away, which is good. Then stitching it up the shin kept tearing.
So John says he has no wrinkles now and the skin feels very tight.
He gets lots frozen off, but a few need surgery.
My cousin sent me the first item tonight which is called - "As you
slide down the Banister of Life, 2010. Thank you David.
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new
book called . . . "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat drink and be Mary....
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss - - the Pope
only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning -- one brilliant flash and it's gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you are
in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the
drink spilled and that Ice, well it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes. Now of course, there's
there's shipping and handling too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives
the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines
and a large trash can.
10. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pull up on the shoulder
of the road. (Had a picture, but lost it, darn.)
11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters
never point the wrong way. . . .
Be who you are and say what you feel . . . Because those that
matter . . .Don't mind . . . And those that mind . . .don't matter.
How to stop Church Gossip.
Mildred, the church gossip, and self -appointed monitor of the church's moral
kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not
approve of her extra-curricular acrivities, but feared her enough to maintain
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pick-up parked in front of the town's
only bar one afternoon.
She emphatcally told Frank ( and several others) that every one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !!
Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked
away. He didn't explain, defend or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house . . .
walked home . . . and left it there all night.
(You gotta love Frank.)
One from my friend Linda in Canberra. Subject "POWERFUL" Thanks Linda.
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine, shaking it up
and watching all the bubbles. A while later a priest came along and asked the
little bot what he had.
The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the whole world,
it is called turpentine."
The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world if Holy Water.
If you rub some Holy Water on the belly of a pregnant woman, she will
pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this turpentine and rub it on a cat's
ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson."
I am so sorry for the underlining, but I do not know how to stop it, so will
finish tonight with a Harley Mechanic joke, sent by my friend, Gina. Thanks.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take
a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc,
want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was
working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands
on a rag and asks, "So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the
valves out, repair any damage, and when I finish, it woks like new.
So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks
($1,695,759) when you and I are basically the same work?"
The cariologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic
"Try doing it with the engine running."
I apologize again for the state of this post -- better luck next time.
Meanwhile look after yourselves and each other. Love and best
wishesto you all. Cheers, Merle.
Post 687 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 12th June, 2010.