Saturday, June 12, 2010

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life 2010.

Post 687 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 12th June, 2010.

Hi Everybody ~~ i hope your lives are going well and enjoying every
day. I am starting a bit late tonight, so see how I go. I defrosted
my small freezer today and that took quite a lot of time and energy.
It hadn't been done for a fair while, but is good again now. And I have
recovered from all that bending etc.

My son, John has had a couple of bad weeks, having skin cancers
removed from his face. hands and the calf of one leg. One on his
forehead was a nasty one. He was told it was an invasive one, and
had only a millimeter clearance around it. So to be safe, the Dr cut
more away, which is good. Then stitching it up the shin kept tearing.
So John says he has no wrinkles now and the skin feels very tight.
He gets lots frozen off, but a few need surgery.

My cousin sent me the first item tonight which is called - "As you
slide down the Banister of Life, 2010. Thank you David.

Remember --
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new
book called . . . "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat drink and be Mary....

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss - - the Pope
only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning -- one brilliant flash and it's gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you are
in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the
drink spilled and that Ice, well it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes. Now of course, there's
there's shipping and handling too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives
the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines
and a large trash can.

10. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pull up on the shoulder
of the road. (Had a picture, but lost it, darn.)

11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters
never point the wrong way. . . .

Be who you are and say what you feel . . . Because those that
matter . . .Don't mind . . . And those that mind . . .don't matter.

How to stop Church Gossip.


Mildred, the church gossip, and self -appointed monitor of the church's moral

kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not
approve of her extra-curricular acrivities, but feared her enough to maintain
their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pick-up parked in front of the town's
only bar one afternoon.

She emphatcally told Frank ( and several others) that every one seeing it there

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked
away. He didn't explain, defend or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house . . .
walked home . . . and left it there all night.

(You gotta love Frank.)

One from my friend Linda in Canberra. Subject "POWERFUL" Thanks Linda.

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine, shaking it up
and watching all the bubbles. A while later a priest came along and asked the
little bot what he had.

The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the whole world,
it is called turpentine."

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world if Holy Water.
If you rub some Holy Water on the belly of a pregnant woman, she will
pass a healthy baby."

The little boy replied, "You take some of this turpentine and rub it on a cat's
ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson."

I am so sorry for the underlining, but I do not know how to stop it, so will
finish tonight with a Harley Mechanic joke, sent by my friend, Gina. Thanks.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take
a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc,
want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was
working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands
on a rag and asks, "So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the
valves out, repair any damage, and when I finish, it woks like new.
So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks
($1,695,759) when you and I are basically the same work?"

The cariologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic

"Try doing it with the engine running."

I apologize again for the state of this post -- better luck next time.
Meanwhile look after yourselves and each other. Love and best
wishesto you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 687 ~ ~ ~ Saturday, 12th June, 2010.


Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

Hi Merle
My cousin from Sidney came over to London for about 4 years. She said when her friends came over here (and they were all in their late 20s) already they generally looked 5 years older than Europeans ~ because of that ozone hole.
I am sure your son's gonna be absolutely fine. Sounds like they got it in time while it was still tiny.
At least if he has that weatherbeaten outdoors look and of course he's a guy, the scars will blend in within a couple of years, practically to nothing.
I got hit by a truck some years ago. The wing mirror smacked me one on the cheekbone, giving me concussion and gashing my face open so that my parents weren't convinced someone hadn't caused this wound with a knife. (It was far too messy for a knife. Needed stiches.) Anyway point being it was maybe a one-inch cut. This was about eight years ago and you can barely see it was ever there now.
Anyway as you know, melanoma's the one to worry about ~ thank God it wasn't that!

PS that vending machine with rubbish bin sounds like a great idea for a modern home!

The missing comment was mine. One pesky bloody word out of place. Made it seem ridiculous (even more ridiculous than I usually am, ha-har!)

Ava said...

Isn't it great to have it all defrosted and clean?

Sorry to hear about your sons skin cancers.

Enjoyed your posts!

Gina E. said...

Talk about great minds think alike...I defrosted our fridge yesterday!!

Lady Di Tn said...

LOL and hail to Frank. They are all funny and thanks for making me laugh and smile one more time. Gotta love kids. Hope John recovers nicely. I like his humor about the facelift. Peace

Puss-in-Boots said...

I refuse to slide down bannisters unless I know who's waiting to catch me...

Love those definitions...

I defrosted my freezer a couple of weeks ago. The trouble is, I did it on a cold day, which wasn't very bright of me. I ended up even colder!

I don't sunbathe and don't go out in the sun much in summer...only when I have to. So far...touch wood...I haven't had any cancers and I hope I don't.

Keep warm and take care, Merle.


Keep warm, Merle. Hugs.

Dave said...

I'll say some prayers for your son Merle...

and loved the jokes today! *S*

Jim said...

Hi Merle. I do hope that John is getting to be okay now. He must have let those things get away. Not good.
I had a Squamous cell carcinoma removed a little over a week ago. The doc stitched me back up too. It was in front of my ear. He said he got it all but other stuff won't go away. We will see.

Then last Thursday I had three teeth pulled. It isn't fun getting old, is it?

I like motorcycles and motorcycle jokes. Thank you. I'd heard the doctor one but forgot how it went. I needed that!


Joy Des Jardins said...

Hi dear Merle,

I'm sorry to hear of John's skin cancer troubles. I can only hope he will be over them all...and he will be just fine. These are quite common and I know many people who have gone through them Merle and they have been just fine. I know they are a bother to go through, but I feel sure John will be just fine when he is done with everything.

I just defrosted my big freezer in the basement over the weekend too Merle...always a job I don't seem to get to often; but glad to get done. It's not really all that bad.

I hope you are well sweetie and staying warm. Thinking of you with great love... ~Joy

Big Dave T said...

Good jokes as always. My mind has been working like that, one brilliant flash and it's gone. I'm going to have to learn to write things down more before I forget them.

Our freezers always have been on top on our refrigerators. We don't have to bend over. Then again, we still don't defrost them that much. Can't remember the last time we did our's.

Are you following the socceroos? They could be doing better, I think. The Kiwis are doing okay.

Margaret Cloud said...

I am sorry to hear about John, hope is recovers. I liked the one from your cousin. It was a nice post, have a nice day.