Thursday, June 24, 2010

New Prime Minister.

Post 689 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 24th June, 2010.

Hello again my friends ~~ How are things going for you ?- all good I hope.
Looks like it is going to be a good post - it took 1 1/2 hours to load three
pictures and the font seems to decide what size it will be.
I will get to the pictures first tonight. The first one was taken in my back yard
with pigeons and sparrows eating bread and bird seed. There is usually three
times this many, but they were wary of me and my camera.

The next two are of my little Japanese Maple with the lovely
colored leaves that are falling at present - they are really
bright
and so red this year. I choose to keep the tree small, and prune it that way.






Well it has been a historic day in Australia today, Our Prime Minister
got dumped for his deputy. So we have a female P. M. now, but
I guess a lot of the policies will be the same. We wait to see what
Julia Gillard will do. We have both State and Federal elections this
year. So some winds of change will happen I hope.

I can't leave this subject without posting a joke my friend Gina
sent me recently.

One sunny day in June, 2010, an old man approached the gates of
the Lodge in Canberra, from where he'd been sitting on the bench.

He spoke to the guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with
Prime Minister Rudd." The guard looked at the man and said, "Sir.
Mr Rudd is no longer Prime Minister, and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day, the
same man approached the Lodge and said to the same guard,
"I would like to go in and meet with Prime Minister Rudd." The guard
again told the man, "As I said yesterday, Mr. Rudd is no longer Prime
Minister and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again just walked away. The third day,
the same man approached the Lodge and spoke to the very same
guard, saying, "I would like to go in and meet P.M. Rudd."

The guard understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man
and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been asking to
see Mr. Rudd. I've told you already that Mr. Rudd is no longer the
Prime Minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

"Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The guard snapped to
attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

<><> (I changed the date at the top it was for 2013.)

A short one from my friend in Canberra. Thanks Linda.
Labrador dogs.

Paddy tells Mick he is thinking of buying a Labrador.

Mick says, "Are you mad? Have you seen how many of their
owners go blind?"
<><>

My son John sent me the next one - Drafting Guys over 60.

This is funny and obviously written by a former soldier.

I am over 60 and the Armed forces think I am too old to track
down terrorists. They have the whole thing backward. Instead of
sending 18 year olds off to fight. they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say that 18 year olds think about sex
every ten seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of
times a day, leaving us 28,000 additional seconds per day to
concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts, I can't sleep, I'm
tired and hungry." We are impatient and maybe killing some-one
who desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up
for a little while.

An 18 year old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys
always get up early to pee, so what the hell... Besides, like I said,
"I'm tired and I can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well
be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch."

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where
we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be
a real brain-teaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys . . We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also
developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for
years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the
screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been
in combat and didn't see a single 20 foot wall with rope hanging over
the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.
Actually the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I have
never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18 year old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl . . . He still
hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes,
not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little
more about life before sending them off into harm's way. .
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The
last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed
off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that
their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50 . . .in menopause!! You think
Men have attitudes!!!! Ohhhh, my God!!!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol . . They will have it secured
the first night.
<><>
One from my friend in Q'ld. Warren Thanks Mate. " Drink Driving."

A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland. Recently a recent Police
patrol car parked outside a local pub. Late in the evening the officer
noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the
officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys in 5 vehicles. The
man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a
few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a
fine dry night.) Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the
horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then
remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles
left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly
down the road.

The Police officer, having waited all this time, now started up the
patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over
and carried out a random breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the
man's intoxication.

The police officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the
Police station - this breathalyzer equipment must be broken..."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy."
<><>
"
Last one from my friend Linda . Thanks for Murder at " Woolworths."

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage,
a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then
arranging to have her killed.

'A friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing
out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he
wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's
insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man
opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that was inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and relunctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworths
store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and began
to strangle her with his gloved hands. However as the poor
unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor,
the manager of the produce dept stumbled unexpectedly on to the
murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witness behind, Artie had
no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured
by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security
guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and
arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the
whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements
with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared . . . .

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WOOLWORTHS.
<><>

Time to call it a day my friends. Take good care of yourselves
and each other. I am doing OK at present. Love and Best Wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 689 ~ ~ ~ Thursday, 24th June, 2010.
<><><>

13 comments:

Annie said...

Hi Mildred. Loved the P.M. joke.

Have a wonderful day enjoying cool weather. We are breaking the mid-90's farenheit here. Summer cannot go away fast enough for me.

Oh, and here is some news. I'm retired now. I retired last Thursday. I'm sooooo happy.

Gina E. said...

Ha ha, that joke about Rudd was timely, wasn't it! Seriously though, I never thought I would feel sorry for him, but he was a broken man today. Utterly humiliated. I hope that 'woman' (insult to the word) gets her just desserts at the next election...

Gledwood said...

Hi Merle!
Australia has a woman leader?! How did that happen? I still don't get how she managed to throw out her BOSS...?
I was always for Hilary over Obama in the United States, but somehow America who obviously don't believe in colourblindness (if they did they'd think it no big deal having a mixed race leader and obviously they see it as a huge deal)... To me black white green it makes no difference. Male/female is a totally different thing. A woman can bring qualities to the job no man ever could and that's why, to me, it's far more interesting.
Well done Australia!

ps Merle glad you say you're feeling OK
pps Japanese maple ~ I have a picture of Japanese hillside in autumn with all those maples "in flame" ~ amazing ;-)

Lady Di Tn said...

Merle
The jokes are outstanding and I would be hard pressed to say which one made me laugh the hardest. Maybe the decoy one. A new PM. Good luck with the lady. I cannot wait for our next election as the majority are now becoming aware of the snake oil Obama is selling. Peace

Mountain Mama said...

Hello Merle, Loved your jokes.
It sounds like things are going well for you. I'm glad for that.
We have officially had our first day of summer so what season is it for you?
Your Japanese Maple is so pretty!! I don't have one. I have tried twice to start one from seed but they didn't grow. Oh well I really don't have any place to put one anyhow. I have so many trees, shrubs and flowers already.
Take care care dear friend.

Dave said...

*LOL* Wonderful post Merle... great jokes!
Have a wonderful weekend...

Ava said...

Great post Merle. Love the picture of your maple too.

Big Dave T said...

Those pigeons look like the mourning doves that hang out around my house. They can be seen around my bird feeder, but they don't perch too well. They just pick out the seeds that other birds drop on the ground.

I had to think about that labrador joke. Then it came to me. We see more German Shepherds as seeing eye dogs here.

The U.S. soccer team didn't last much longer than the socceroos. Better luck next time I guess.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Yes, I read about your new woman Prime Minister..Congratulations. I hope Julia will be a change for the good for all of you.

I just love your Japanese Maple trees Merle...the colors are so beautiful. They remind me of our autumn colors here...which I just love. Looks like those birds love your yard...and your bread crumbs.

I hope you're doing well sweetie. We're all looking forward to this holiday weekend and Independence Day; although I'm keeping it pretty low-key. No fireworks for me this year...but I'm getting together on Sat. with Jen, Dan and Joe for another card night. Take care dear friend...Love, Joy

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ Your garden looks good. I guess things are almost ready for winter. I hope you have a mild one.

I loved the 'designated decoy' joke. It was all new to me. The Artie one worked hard for its punch line but all was worth the reading and waiting.

We are on holiday at daughter, Karen's, place in London. Tomorrow we will leave for Copenhagen. I think Internet will be fairly limited after today for a couple of weeks.
Cheers,
..

Pamela said...

I'm laughing at the whole darn post ---

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Lovely little maple tree you have dressed up in fall colors.

Designated decoy is a new one on me, lol.

Janice~

linda may said...

G'Day Merle, stay nice and warm for the next few months, crank up the heater and bring out the soft slippers for your tootsies.Soon we will see those bulbs flowering again and gardens springing back to life. The autumn color has long since disappeared in these parts, so your little maple was a nice surprise to see.
I had a great laugh at the drink driving scam. Very good.