Monday, April 04, 2011

More Fun for Merle.

Post 732 ~ ~ ~ Monday, 4th April, 2011.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope your lives are going well and life is good
for you all. I am OK, but have to go to Melbourne next Sunday for
the laser removal of a large kidney stone early on Monday, so I will
be glad when that is over. I have had x rays, ECG and blood tests.
I have faith in the Urologist and he is a specialist with the laser.

On to happier things - I have had a lot of visitors over the weekend.
My son Geoff and his wife Joanne came up and stayed Friday night
then went on further to get a trailer load of firewood. Geoff did some
work in the garden for me. John was away on another far ride to
Wellington, New South Wales, but got home safely yesterday.

My grand-daughter (the chef with the restaurant) rang to say she
and her brother and boyfriend were coming for a visit and to do some
shopping. So that was a nice surprise. Kate only gets Sundays off.
Some photos to show you. John called in to change 4 clocks back
from Daylight saving time, but Kate who is very tall had done them.

Joh and Me and Kate. (Joh is short for Johannes. )

John with his nephew Joh.
Scott and Kate.

John with Kate
at the left.

Kate inside after changing the
clocks for me.

Now to find some stories and jokes for you.
One from my dear friend Patricia in the U.S. Thanks Patty.

God's Grace. I wonder how many will skip reading this one because
of the name. But it is a good story.

There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New
England town. One Easter Sunday he came to the Church carrying a
rusty, bent old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were
raised and in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak. . . .

I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy
coming forward to me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of
the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright.

I stopped the lad and asked, "What do you have there son?"
"Just some old birds," came the reply..
"What are you going to do with them?" I asked.

"Take them home and have fun with them," he answered. "I am
gonna tease them and pull out their feathers to make them fight.
I'm gonna have a real good time."

"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you
do with them then?"
"Oh. I've got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds, so I'll
take them to them"

The pastor was silent a moment,
How much do you want for those birds, son?"

"Huh?? You don't want those birds mister. They are just plain old
field birds. They don't sing and they ain't even pretty."
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he was crazy and said, $10."

The pastor reached into his pocket and took out a ten dollar note.
He placed it into the boy's hand. In a flash the boy was gone.
The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of
alley where there was a tree ad a grassy spot. Setting the cage
down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars,
persuaded the birds out, setting them free. Well that explained
the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to
tell this story:
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had
just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and
boasting, "Yes Sir, I just caught a world full of people down there.
Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got them all."

"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.

Satan replied, " Oh, I'm gonna have fun. I'm gonna teach them to
marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other
I'm really gonna have fun."

"And what do you do when you are done with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan glared proudly, "Oh I'll kill them."

"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you
take them and they will just hate you and spit on you, curse you
and kill you. You don't want these people."

"How much? He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE" Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage and left the pulpit..

I thank God every day for my blessed life. I'm not rich, don't live in
a mansion and don't have the nicest of material things, but I'm
healthy, have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the
table, a family that loves me and lifelong friends to get me through.
I'd say I have a lot to be thankful for.

Next one came from Mountain Wings. "Lost and Found."

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping. It was found by
an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she
commented: "That's funny, when I lost my purse, there was a
$20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1. bills."

The boy quickly replied: "That's right, lady. The last time I found
a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

My friend Linda in Canberra sent me the next joke. Thanks Linda.

A twenty year old Amish boy ad his father were paying their first
visit to a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything,
they saw, but especially by two shiny silver
walls that moved apart and
then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is that, Father?" The father, never having seen an elevator
before responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this is my life. I
don't know what it is."

While the father and son were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in
a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. She
rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and
his father watched the small numbers above light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number . . . and then
the numbers began to light up in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24 year old blonde
stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...

"Go, get your mother."

A riddle from my friend Warren. Thanks, Mate.

Riddle of the Day.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his.
Cher claims she took on three.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below.



^ The answer is a Last Name.
You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you? Never too sure Warren !!!

One from Linda I think. "You Gotta Love This Doctor."
Thanks Linda for "Dr. Go Wei Soon."

Q. Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. True?

A. Your heart is only good for so many beats --don't waste it on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you
live longer. It is like saying you extend the life of your car by driving faster.
Want to live longer - - Take a nap.

Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables?

A, You must grasp logistical efficiency. What do cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (leafy green vegetables)
And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended
daily allowance of
vegetable product,

Q. Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A. No not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that mean they take the water out of the fruity bit, so you get
even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottoms up.

Q. How can I calculate my body/ fat ratio?

A. Well if you have body and you have fat, your ratio if one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one etc.

Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A. Can't think of a single one sorry. My philosophy is No Pain-good.

Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING. Food are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they are permeated by it. How could getting more
vegetable be bad for you?

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

A. Definitely not. When you exercise muscle it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q. Is chocolate bad for me?

A. Are you crazy? HELLO - Cocoa bean. Another vegetable. It best
feel-good food around.

Q. Is swimming good for your figure?

A. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whale to me.

Q. Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A. Hey, Round is a shape.

Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets.

Well it is time to say Goodnight and get myself off to bed. Look
after yourselves my friends and each other. Love and Best wishes
to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 732 ~ ~ ~ Monday 4th April, 2011.


Granny Annie said...

Prayers for your laser kidney stone removal to go well.

Loved the bird cage story and got a tear at the end. Great sermon.

Good idea for the boy to break that $20 before returning the purse.

Dave said...

You have SUCH a wonderful family Merle... *S*

Best of luck and prayers for the stone removal!

and I did read the whole "God's Grace" and loved it!

audrey` said...

I love your blouse with the floral designs. You look very good in it, Merle :)

We'll commit your medical treatment unto our good Lord. Once again we can trust Him wholeheartedly.

Praying for you. Take care, dear friend (((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

Dear Merle, continuing prayers for you and hope for a speedy recovery as you have your kidney stone lasered. How lovely to have family coming and going and how sweet of your grand-daughter to change the clocks for you.

The story of the birdcage certainly gives one something to think about!
I always look forward to your jokes, I have a few people who email jokes to me. I'll have to remember to pass them on to you.

Have a blessed week...Theanne

HORIZON said...

I was actually in tears with the bird story and yes l think we all have so much to be thankful for. Merle you are a lady who is an inspiration to me- you try to look on the bright side, take things as they come and give so much to others- l know how much l enjoy coming to read your blog.
I will be thinking of you come Monday and pray for a quick recovery.
Lots of love,

Beth E. said...

I'm so glad you got to spend some time with your family, Merle! I really like your pictures, especially the one with you in look great!

Praying for you as you have your kidney stone removal.


Mountain Mama said...

I hope your laser surgery will totally eliminate the stone. My sister had kidney stones and said it was very painful. I only have one kidney left and pray I never have that problem.
Loved your jokes Merle. I saved the Amish one to sent to friends & family.
It seems so odd that you are setting your clocks back when we just moved ours ahead. hee-hee!
It's trying to be spring here but the past several days it has been cold and rainy with some wind too. I just hate to go out in it.
Take care my friend and remember there are many prayers for your poecedure to be successful.

Gina E. said...

Hi Merle, I hope the removal of the kidney stone will be the start of a more comfortable life for you! If you are going to be in hospital down here for a few days, may I come and visit for a short time? Email me yes or no!

Joy Des Jardins said...

I hope everything goes smoothly with your laser kidney stone removal Merle....I know it will. I haven't heard anything more from my little stone problem...hope I don't.

Loved the pics of your family...really nice. Take care sweet friend...


Linda May said...

Good luck with the laser therapy Merle, it sure beats the old fashioned way with the knife mate. Thank you for sharing your lovely family with us all. Cathy is a beautiful girl.

Lady Di Tn said...

Wishing you a good out come with your visit to the surgeon. The nephew John has a woman killer smile. The last name joke was a hoot. Stay warm. We are having one of our mini winters but it is suppose to get much warmer today. That will make more blooms pop open. Peace

Gina E. said...

Merle, I've only published one of your comments on my blog. I didn't think it would be wise to publish the other one with the details of where you will be, and their phone number - you never know who is reading blogs and may mis-use that information. But thanks for letting me know!
If I don't see you, hope all goes well.

Big Dave T said...

Nice looking family. Pretty outfit you have on too--I like that color purple. Hopefully I can find some flowers that color this year. I see that Joh is wearing a t-shirt that features "wakeboarding." Not sure what that is. Is it like water skiing?

Enjoyed all your stories and jokes; the one about the bird is very true. We're true to be good or bad. Hopefully not following good eating habits isn't being too bad.