Sunday, June 05, 2011

From A Distance.

Post 738 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 5th June, 2011.

Hello Everyone ~~ I hope things are going very well for you all and that you
are all keeping well. I am doing very well. My Physio lady is surprised each
week with how much improvement I am showing and she knows that I am
doing my exercises. I use a stick some of the time and a little less with the
walking frame. I even cheat a bit and walk unaided, still a bit wobbly.
My brother Peter put on a good post about blogging and what it means.

The first item today is from Mountain Wings, called "From A Distance."

From a distance the world looks blue and green
And the snow-capped mountains white
From a distance the ocean meets the stream
And the eagle takes to flight.

From a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land
It's the voice of hope
It's the voice of peace
It's the voice of every man.

From a distance we all have enough
And no-one is in need
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease
No hungry mouths to feed.

From a distance we are instruments
Marching in a common land
Playing songs of hope
Playing songs of peace
They're the songs of every man.

God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance.

From a distance you look like my friend
Even though we are at war
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
What all this fighting is for.

From a distance there is harmony
And it echoes through the land
And it's the hope of hope
It's the love of love
It's the heart of every man
It's the hope of hope
It's the love of love
This is the song of every man.

And God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance
Oh, God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us from a distance.

From the song "From a Distance"

Written by Julie Gold, sung by Bette Midler.
Now for some jokes. My dear friend in Canberra, Linda sent me
a nice lot yesterday. Many thanks Linda.

No-one believes seniors . . . .everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had
married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbor-
hood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school.
It was not locked, so they entered and found the old desk they had shared
where Andy had carved --I love you Sally.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, and
practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, and not sure what
to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty
thousand dollars.
Andy said, "We have to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in
their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking
for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find
a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday. Sally said, "NO."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it in the attic."
Sally said, Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said, "Tell us
the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . .

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here."

Another from Linda called "The Indian With One Testicle."

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name
was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked ev
eryone not to call him
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If
anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them.
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning
Onestone. He jumped up and grabbed her and took her deep into the forest
where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the
next day, until Blue Bird died of exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do..
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone.
Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest, then he made love
to her all day and made love to her all night,made love to her all the next
day and made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die.


Oh Come on.... take a guess.

Think about it.

You're going to love this

Everyone knows.....

You Can't kill Two Birds with Onestone.
I hope no one was offended by that joke.
Now some shorter ones again from Linda.

Proof- Reading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self before Shooting Wife and Daughter. It took the Editor2 or 3
readings before he realized that what he was reading was impossible.

Something went wrong in Jet crash. Expert says "Really? Ya think?

Police Begin to Run Down Jaywalkers. That's taking things a bit far.

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over. What a Guy.

Miners Refuse to Work after Death. No-good-for-nothing. Lazy so-and-so's.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendants. See if that works any better
than a fair trial.

If Strike isn't settled Quickly, it may last awhile. Ya think?

War Dims Hope for Peace. I can see where it might have that effect.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures. Who would have thought?

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
They may be on to something.

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.
You mean there s something stronger than Duct Tape?

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge.
He probably IS the battery charge.

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.
That's what he gets for eating those beans.

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group. Weren't they fat enough?

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks. Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut inn Half. Chainsaw Massacre all over again.

Hospitals are Sued by 7 foot doctors. Boy are they tall?

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery. Hundreds dead.

Last one tonight is from Mountain Wings. called "ONE DAY JOB."

After landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter - a good find for many retirees
I lasted less than one day.

About two hours into my first day on the job, a very loud, very unattractive,
mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good Morning and welcome to
Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "H**l no, they ain't twins.
The oldest is nine, and the other one is seven. Why the h**l would you
think they are twins? Are you blind or just stupid?

So I replied, " I'm neither blind or stupid, Ma'am. I just couldn't believe
someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for
shopping at Wal-Mart."

My supervisor said I was probably not cut out for this line of work.

Take care all my dear friends and look after yourselves and each other.
My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle. I had a nice surprise
this evening to have a phone call from another cousin, John R, Thanks
John. Nice to hear from you. We usually just e mail each other.

Post 738 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 5th June, 2011.


Granny Annie said...

Thank you Merle for another great post. The funny stuff is sooooo funny and the song lyrics are a perfect sermon for this Sunday morning.

Dave said...

Glad to hear you're doing well Merle! Please don't take chances though.. better walking with aid, then falling down, especially if nobody's there!

Lady Di Tn said...

Another good post that you shared with us. I am happy I was not having coffee when I read the Indian joke. Peace

Big Dave T said...

Thanks as always for the jokes. I always like the news bloopers. The Columbia Journalism Review devotes their last page to bloopers like these. For example, "Farmer Bill Dies In House." Or this headline: "Poll says that 53 percent believe media offen make mistakes." (should be often).

Great to hear you're getting around. My balance isn't always 100 percent either. We all adjust.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed your post...happy you're up and about. Visited Peter's blog! Laughed at "your" jokes...particularly like the one with the $50 thousand and the Walmart one! LOL

jel said...

sending ya a hugg from across the waves :)

Joy Des Jardins said...

So glad your progress is going so well Merle....keep on going sweetie. You'll be back to your normal self before you know it.

I loved Peter's post...

Hugs and love... ~Joy

Mountain Mama said...

Hi Merle, I'm glad to hear you are doing so well. Keep it up!!
Your jokes are hillarious. The onestone joke had a surprise ending. LOL
Take care dear.

sewa mobil said...

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Jim said...

You are doing good, Merle! Better and better. I read today that if one doesn't do their therapy they can't be as good as they were before their troubles started.

If they do it really good, there is a chance they could be better than before it all started.

You can tell I'm dong research on knee troubles again.

I liked the Indian joke even though I'd heard it before. I can never remember the punch line until I read it.

Glad too that John R. called you.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm so glad your doing better.

Loved the lyrics and the jokes. The Wal-mart joke reminds me of what my husband said after we ran into a woman who had been the school bully at the grade school I attended.


audrey` said...

Very good! You're improving each day. You're exercising too. Please take care, my dear friend. (((HUGS))) Merle!

HORIZON said...

Thanks for the link to Peter's blog Merle- l enjoyed his post about blogging and facebook-so true.
Laughed at the joke about two birds and onestone- can't believe l never saw that one coming!
Things are looking up over this way- l'm starting to feel much better- even got some cleaning caught up with today.
Keep getting better too dear friend,
sarah xx

Patty said...

Dear Merle, Once again a good post, a lot of interesting things and funny jokes and one liners. Loved the WalMart greeter. So glad to hear you are improving. Haven't been on my blog as much as I use to be, I do spend time at Facebook, checking out what my kids are doing. LOL Also playing games. But it seems I am always a lot busier in the warmer months then I am in the colder months. I mowed the yard today, they kept calling for rain and I knew if I let it go till Monday I might have to catch the grass and dump it and that is a real pain. The grass catcher gets heavy and then I have to find a place to either dump it or put into a bag and take to the city dump, which is rather hard. But I got it done before lunch time. Then I took a bath, put on fresh clothes and made us bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches on toast for our lunch. Abe wanted to drive out into the country area and see if he could take some snapshots of a group of German Baptist that are holding a revival meeting this week-end. So as he drove, I tried to take the snaps, I am no good at using a camera. On the way back, we stopped and got an ice cream, the Granddaughter, Abe and myself. Daughter is working her 12 hour shift at the hospital today and then again tomorrow. Soon be time to think of preparing supper/dinner. Have a good evening and Sunday. Tell your brother, I will also be 75, in Oct. Love, Patty