Saturday, June 02, 2012

Bagpiper at Funeral.

Post 785 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 3rd June, 2012.

Hello Everyone ~~ The weeks go so quickly don't they? I hope all is well at your house and that you are enjoying your lives. I am doing fine and feeling really well with my supplement -
the Ensure Plus. It has really helped me. I am quite used to being on my own again and settled back to my regular routine. My brother Peter and his daughter Vicki called in on Thursday on their way home to Q'ld. Vicki is spending a couple of weeks with her father which is nice for both of them. Even with the driving. Peter still has one eye that won't close or open properly - a left-over from the Bells Palsy. I hope it improves for him.

Well we are officially into Winter on 1st June and it has very cold in the mornings and nice sunny days after and the sun is nice if there is no cool breeze. We are needing some rain here
for gardens and farms. There is some predicted for tomorrow, so here's hoping.
Those living in the Northern Hemisphere will be welcoming Spring and ev
erything coming into growing and blooming which is a lovely season. After our cold we will be happy to see Spring.

Well on to the joles. First one was sent to me by my cousin Bill. Thank you Bill. It is called
"Bagpiper at a Funeral". Enjoy.

Bagpiper at a funeral....

(I found this anonymous article deeply moving -- I hope you do, too)

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a Funeral Director to play at a graveside service for a homeless
man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's cemetery in the back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the graveside and looked down and saw that the vault lid
was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low and my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,
"I've never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still's a man thing


A couple from my good friend Linda from Canberra, our capital.

I just got sacked from my job with the Lifeline crisis centre.

A guy called Mohammed phoned and said, "My girlfriend left me so I'm lying on the railway track at Sydney Central waiting for the train to come".

I swear, all I said was,"Remain calm and stay on the line".


Jews sank the Titanic.

The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to
indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat,

and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese..'

'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'

'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'

'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'

'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.

'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'

Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , mattah...all same.


A Mountain Wings item called "The Vows."

------------------------- MountainWings A MountainWings Moment #12151 Wings Over The Mountains of Life ------------------------------------------------- The Vows ========= During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied. The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.

When it comes time for the groom's vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the minister and hissed, "I thought we had a deal." The minister put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."


Once again, I have lost part of my post, so will close now. Take care my friends, look after each other and yourselves. My love and best wishes to you all. Cheers, Merle.

Post 785 ~ ~ ~ Sunday, 3rd June, 2012.



jel said...

glad ya are getting back to your regular routine.

hope ya have a great weekend!

oh and thanks for stopping by! :)

Gledwood said...

Winter in June? How bizarre... ! It has been BOILING HOT here. Only 80F 27C. But that's hot enough for me. I'm fed up of sweating like a swine. It's Jubilee Weekend here and we've a double bank holiday on Monday and Tuesday, when the Queen will be dragged up the river on a Golden Barge. I hope you're well. Take care

Lady Di Tn said...

It is hard for me to think of winter in June since it is always warm on this side that time of year. I think the Jews sank the Titanic is the best joke you have ever posted. I must copy it to read to my friends. I am so happy you are well enough to be on your own again. Must be all that wishing you enough. Peace and Love

Granny Annie said...

Should I apologize for laughing at both the Mohammed joke and the Jewish and Chinese pilots joke? Certainly they are not "Politically correct". So I laughed and I apologize.

It is wonderful to get the feeling that you are up and around and cruising along through life. (I won't add "on the right track" for fear the crisis line might abandon you.)

Anonymous said...

I'd love to have a bagpiper pipe me some Amazing Grace when I'm dead and gone...hopefully he'd turn up at the right place LOL!!!!

All good ones...made me chuckle!

So very happy you're feeling so well Merle!

Prayers for Peter's eye...that must be aggravating for him!

have a lovely week, love and hugs, Theanne

Dave said...

Loved the pilot joke Merle!!! I may have to borrow it!

Glad you're feeling well, and that Peter and Vicki are coming to visit.

Stay warm...!

Gina E. said...

Love the jokes, Merle, and glad to hear you are feeling good. Thanks for your recent emails, sorry I haven't responded - not ignoring you! Have you been watching the Jubilee celebrations, or are you a republican? If so, don't read my blog, I've just done a big rant about Nicole Brady from The Age.

Jim said...

Hi Merle ~~ Glad things are pretty much back to 'normal' again with you. I was wondering how Peter's eye was doing, thank you.

Mrs. Jim was soooo surprised when the preacher told her to promise to obey. She thought, 39 years ago, that that wasn't any more.
Your joke was good. I saw something like that coming and was just 'waiting.'

Stay warm. Summer comes to Texas in June, we even had a lot of summer this May!

audrey` said...

Glad to know that things are returning to normal for you, Merle :)