ASAP.

Post 582 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 11th March, 2009.

Hello Everyone ~~Time to get back to posting, as I have had a break. I hope you are all well and life is good for you. I am still having pain on walking, but slightly less than before.
But apart from that, life is good. My nephew Anthony and his wife Deborah came on Sunday as expected. We had lunch and talked etc and later we had dinner. Then Debbie asked if I wanted a hand with the dishes, before they go. This was a shock because usually they stay at least one night. Anyway they went back to Wodonga (about 1.5 hours travel) to stay with their son. And I did the dishes. A photo below.



Anthony is my eldest nephew, and is a fire fighter. The fires came fairly close to their home.

My first piece tonight is called "ASAP" and was sent by my dear fiend Patty. Thank you.

Ever wonder what the abbreviation A.S.A.P.? Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way.
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There's work to do, deadlines to meet; You've got no time to spare. But as you hurry and scurry - ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

In the midst of family chaos, "Quality time" is rare, Do your best; let God do the rest -- ASAP -- ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

It may seem like your worries Are more than you can bear. Slow down and take a breather -- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

God knows how stressful life is; He wants to ease our cares, And He'll respond to all your needs - A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

God bless and have a wonderful day.
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My dear friend Sherrill sent me the first joke. Thank you Sherrill, it's a good one.

The Bathtub Test.
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than a teacup or the teaspoon."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Are you going to pass this on, or do you want the bed next to mine??
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Thank you Warren for the next one.

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. (He is 92.)
We decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

My Dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man, never dne anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock...... I was just wondering if you were my son."
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Next one was sent by my good friend, Linda May. Thank you Linda.

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier."

She looked at the men in the room, "And Gentlemen, Remember -- You are in this together -- it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" answered the teacher.

"I was just wondering. Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company, Larnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen.
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day.

I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly, Patrick Finegan.

Dear Mr. Finegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely, Larnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history.

If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.

That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train over the last two years.

Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan.
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Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"In honor of this holy season." St Peter said. "You must each possess something that aymbolises Christmas to get into Heaven."

The first man fumbled in his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it
on and said: "It represents a candle." "You may pass through the Pearly gates," said St.Peter.

The second man reached into his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." "You may pass through the Pearly Gates, 'said St.Peter.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St Peter looked at the man and asked, "And just what do these symbolise?"
The man replies, "These are Carols."
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What is the difference between a UFO and a smart man?

"Don't know because I have never seen either.
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A young mam went through a check-out at the supermarket.
He had in his basket: one potato, one carrot, cauliflour, one piece of pumpkin, one chop, one apple. one orange - (you get the picture.)

The young checkout girl remarked to the young man and guessed he must be single. He said, "How did you know ?" She replied, "You're ugly."
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Time to say goodnight, my friends. Be kind to one another and
enjoy your lives. I hope the rest of the week will be great for all.
My love and best wishes, Merle.

Post 582 ~ ~ ~ Wednesday, 11th March, 2009.
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