Sunday, June 10, 2012

Retirement.

 Hopefully, here is the rest of my post that disappeared last night. I was up until after
1 am trying to set it up again. Now I cannot see Publish. Oh Hell.

     One day a man decides to retire......




He booked
himself on a Caribbean
cruise and proceeded to have the
time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.


He soon found himself
on an island with no other people,
no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.


After
about four months,
he is lying on the beach one day
when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief,
he asks, "Where did you
come from? How did you get here?"

She replies,
"I rowed over from the other side
of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes.
"You were really lucky to
have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?"
explains the woman.
"I made the boat out
of some raw material I found
on the island. The oars were whittled
from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom
from palm tree branches, and the sides
and stern came from a
Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where
did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem,"
replied the woman. "On the
south side of the island, a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln,
it melted into ductile iron and I used that
to make tools and used the tools to
make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place,"
she says "and I'll give you a tour."
So, after a short time of rowing, she soon
docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man
looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk
leading to a cabin and
tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into
the house, she says casually, "It's not much,
but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you,"
the man blurts out, still dazed.
"I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman.
"I have a still. How would you like a
Tropical Spritz?"


Trying to hide his continued amazement,
the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you
like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor
in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything,
the man goes upstairs into the bathroom.
There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a
piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow
ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing
but some small flowers on tiny vines,
each strategically positioned,
she smelled faintly of
gardenias She then
beckons for him
to sit down
next to
her.

"Tell me,"
she begins suggestively,
slithering closer to him, "We've
both been out here for many months.
You must have been lonely. When was the
last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean.." he swallows
excitedly as tears
start to form
in his eyes,
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
"You've built a Golf Course?"
<><><>



I was surprised when this was written and how relevant it still is.

 
  Wings Over The Mountains of Life
-------------------------------------------------

It Was
=======

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,

it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,

it was the epoc of belief, it was the epoc of incredulity,

it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness,

it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,

we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,

we were all going direct to heaven,
we were all going direct the other way

in short, the period was so far like the present period...


This was written by Charles Dickens, from the novel,
"A Tale of Two Cities," about the times of the French revolution.

Sounds very much like today doesn't it?

There is nothing new under the sun.
<><>

 This one was sent to me by my friend, Lee.  Thank you Lee. Have you realised that your July calendar is wrong?



LET'S  SEE  IF   I  GOT  THIS   RIGHT!!!


IF  YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN  BORDER
ILLEGALLY  YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD  LABOR.



 
IF  YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN  BORDER
ILLEGALLY  YOU ARE DETAINED  INDEFINITELY.



 
IF  YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN  BORDER
ILLEGALLY,  YOU GET SHOT.



IF  YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN  BORDER
ILLEGALLY  YOU WILL BE JAILED.



 
IF  YOU CROSS THE CHINESE  BORDER
ILLEGALLY  YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM  AGAIN.



 
IF  YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN  BORDER
ILLEGALLY  YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE  SEALED.



 
IF  YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER  ILLEGALLY
YOU  WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO  ROT.



IF  YOU CROSS THE AUSTRALIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY  YOU GET ?

A  JOB,          A DRIVERS LICENSE,
SOCIAL  SECURITY CARD,        WELFARE,
FOOD  STAMPS,       CREDIT  CARDS,
SUBSIDIZED  RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,

FREE  EDUCATION,    FREE HEALTH  CARE,
A  LOBBYIST IN CANBERRA BILLIONS OF DOLLARS  WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR  LANGUAGE
THE  RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE  YOU

PROTEST  THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH  RESPECT

AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU  CAN VOTE.
 
 
I  JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON  THE SITUATION !!!

 
 
PLEASE  KEEP !!! THIS GOING......FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR  FRIENDS & FAMILY

 
 
IT'S  TIME TO WAKE UP  AUSTRALIA
<><><>

Another from Mountain Wings.
 C-130  Versus F-16.
The older C-1.30 cargo airplane was lumbering along when a F-16 fighter jet flashed by, The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-1.30 pilot,  "Watch this" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.

The F-16 pilot asked the C-1.30 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-1.30 pilot said that was impressive, but watch this. 

The C-1.30 pilot droned along for about five minutes and then the C-1.30 pilot ame back on and said "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled the F-16 pilot asked, :What did you do?"

THe C-1.30 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the bathroom, thengot a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun."


When you are young, speed and flash may be great. When you get older and smarter, comfortable and dull are not so bad.
<><>


Well my friends, Maybe this time it will work. I sure hope so. Take great care of yourselves and each other.  My love and best wishes to you all.
Enjoy your lives.  Cheers,  Merle.

Post  786  ~~  Sunday,  10th  June,  2012.
<><><>

   

9 comments:

♥●• İzdihër •●♥ said...

LOL...awesome :)
Have a good day ,Merle.

Lady Di Tn said...

I enjoyed your efforts and thanks for hangin in there to get these posted. Glad your son and his wife came by for a nice visit. Happy Belated Burpday to John wherever he happens to float. Peace

Rosezilla said...

Hi, Merle! Glad to see things are going fairly well for you. Great jokes and things, I enjoyed them as always. I'm glad you had such a nice birthday!

Jim said...

Glad you got it all posted, Merle. Sometimes the computer is enough to make one cry. Losing everything you just wrote is about the worst.

Mrs. Jim's is doing worse than that. It is hung up trying to update. We shut it off but when it comes back on it starts trying all over again. The mouse isn't ready yet, the operator feels powerless.
Plus she had some financial stuff on it that she needed for a meeting today.

Glad the kids bring you things. Do you remember when you'd bring them things?

Warren's joke was worth waiting for. Is there a line to get to Australia or do we have to sneak in like people do in the States?
..

Big Dave T said...

I, too, am having problems. I tried to post a comment here earlier and Blooger wanted me to sign up for something or another. Wouldn't let me post my comment.

I liked the joke about the retiree on the island. Would love to find an island of my own some day.

Let's see if they'll let this comment go through.

Dave said...

Hopefully you're doing well Merle... great jokes as always!

Have a great weekend my friend!

Meow (aka Connie) said...

Hi Merle, love catching up with you and your family on the blogs. Shame Blogger is giving you a hard time, though :(
Sounds like you are doing well at the moment, hope the coldeer weather doesn't affect you too much.
We are busy, as usual, I have just put up a new blog post !!!
Hope you stay well and happy, dear Merle.
Sending love and hugs.

Connie xxx

Lee said...

G'day Merle....my calendar on my email account is way out of whack..it's been that way ever since it was set up and I've not changed it, because I don't know how to! lol

Hope all is well with you, dear girl! Hugs!

audrey` said...

Yes, it's frustrating when the computer decides to shut down especially when we're about to finish a piece of work.