1 am trying to set it up again. Now I cannot see Publish. Oh Hell.
One day a man decides to retire......
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He bookedhimself on a Caribbeancruise and proceeded to have thetime of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himselfon an island with no other people,no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
Afterabout four months,he is lying on the beach one daywhen the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.In disbelief,he asks, "Where did youcome from? How did you get here?"
She replies,"I rowed over from the other sideof the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he notes."You were really lucky tohave a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?"explains the woman."I made the boat outof some raw material I foundon the island. The oars were whittledfrom gum tree branches. I wove the bottomfrom palm tree branches, and the sidesand stern came from aEucalyptus tree."
"But, wheredid you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem,"replied the woman. "On thesouth side of the island, a veryunusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln,it melted into ductile iron and I used thatto make tools and used the tools tomake the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place,"she says "and I'll give you a tour."So, after a short time of rowing, she soondocks the boat at a small wharf. As the manlooks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.Before him is a long stone walkleading to a cabin andtree house.While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk intothe house, she says casually, "It's not much,but I call it home. Please sit down."
"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you,"the man blurts out, still dazed."I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman."I have a still. How would you like aTropical Spritz?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement,the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would youlike to take a shower and shave? There's a razorin the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything,the man goes upstairs into the bathroom.There, in the cabinet is a razor made from apiece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollowground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"When he returns, she greets him wearing nothingbut some small flowers on tiny vines,each strategically positioned,she smelled faintly ofgardenias She thenbeckons for himto sit downnext toher.
"Tell me,"she begins suggestively,slithering closer to him, "We'veboth been out here for many months.You must have been lonely. When was thelast time you played around? She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing."You mean.." he swallowsexcitedly as tearsstart to formin his eyes,!
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!"You've built a Golf Course?"
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I was surprised when this was written and how relevant it still is.
Wings Over The Mountains of Life ------------------------------------------------- It Was ======= It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoc of belief, it was the epoc of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way in short, the period was so far like the present period... This was written by Charles Dickens, from the novel, "A Tale of Two Cities," about the times of the French revolution. Sounds very much like today doesn't it? There is nothing new under the sun.
This one was sent to me by my friend, Lee. Thank you Lee. Have you realised that your July calendar is wrong?
LET'S SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!!
IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.
IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.
IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
IF YOU CROSS THE AUSTRALIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET ?
A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE,
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE,
FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS,
SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE,
A LOBBYIST IN CANBERRA BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU
PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION !!!
PLEASE KEEP !!! THIS GOING......FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY
IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP AUSTRALIA
IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.
IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.
IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
IF YOU CROSS THE AUSTRALIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET ?
A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE,
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE,
FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS,
SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE,
A LOBBYIST IN CANBERRA BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU
PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION !!!
PLEASE KEEP !!! THIS GOING......FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY
IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP AUSTRALIA
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Another from Mountain Wings.
C-130 Versus F-16.
The fighter jock told the C-1.30 pilot, "Watch this" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-1.30 pilot what he thought of that.
The C-1.30 pilot said that was impressive, but watch this.
The C-1.30 pilot droned along for about five minutes and then the C-1.30 pilot ame back on and said "What did you think of that?"
Puzzled the F-16 pilot asked, :What did you do?"
THe C-1.30 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the bathroom, thengot a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun."
When you are young, speed and flash may be great. When you get older and smarter, comfortable and dull are not so bad.
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Well my friends, Maybe this time it will work. I sure hope so. Take great care of yourselves and each other. My love and best wishes to you all.
Enjoy your lives. Cheers, Merle.
Post 786 ~~ Sunday, 10th June, 2012.
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9 comments:
LOL...awesome :)
Have a good day ,Merle.
I enjoyed your efforts and thanks for hangin in there to get these posted. Glad your son and his wife came by for a nice visit. Happy Belated Burpday to John wherever he happens to float. Peace
Hi, Merle! Glad to see things are going fairly well for you. Great jokes and things, I enjoyed them as always. I'm glad you had such a nice birthday!
Glad you got it all posted, Merle. Sometimes the computer is enough to make one cry. Losing everything you just wrote is about the worst.
Mrs. Jim's is doing worse than that. It is hung up trying to update. We shut it off but when it comes back on it starts trying all over again. The mouse isn't ready yet, the operator feels powerless.
Plus she had some financial stuff on it that she needed for a meeting today.
Glad the kids bring you things. Do you remember when you'd bring them things?
Warren's joke was worth waiting for. Is there a line to get to Australia or do we have to sneak in like people do in the States?
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I, too, am having problems. I tried to post a comment here earlier and Blooger wanted me to sign up for something or another. Wouldn't let me post my comment.
I liked the joke about the retiree on the island. Would love to find an island of my own some day.
Let's see if they'll let this comment go through.
Hopefully you're doing well Merle... great jokes as always!
Have a great weekend my friend!
Hi Merle, love catching up with you and your family on the blogs. Shame Blogger is giving you a hard time, though :(
Sounds like you are doing well at the moment, hope the coldeer weather doesn't affect you too much.
We are busy, as usual, I have just put up a new blog post !!!
Hope you stay well and happy, dear Merle.
Sending love and hugs.
Connie xxx
G'day Merle....my calendar on my email account is way out of whack..it's been that way ever since it was set up and I've not changed it, because I don't know how to! lol
Hope all is well with you, dear girl! Hugs!
Yes, it's frustrating when the computer decides to shut down especially when we're about to finish a piece of work.
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